I'm Doomsday Prepping...

OK, I have to admit it the National Geographic programmers drew me in hook, line, and sinker…My boys and I have watched quite a few episodes of the reality TV show…Doomsday Preppers.  My husband has even walked through the room and become intrigued.  Basically it showcases various individuals or families across America that are preparing themselves for the end of the world and /or economic breakdown in our country that makes The Great Depression look like a vacation.  They have stock piles of dehydrated foods, large gardens, basements, cellars and even secret hidden storage units filled with canned goods, medicines, and of course ammunition and weapons of self-defense. Some have built their homes in the wilderness secluding themselves from the outside world and the coming chaos, while others live in apartments across from the capital in Washington to keep abreast on the latest developments.  Families have emergency plans and practice them on a consistent basis for keeping the family safe and secluded when the time comes. Children are taught survival methods in the wilderness and many have wardrobes of camouflage to hide from the enemies that will come in and steal their plunder. Much time is spent in their prepping; one woman even stated that she spends upwards of four hours each day preparing herself.  Many have spent any and all extra funds in stockpiling necessary supplies.  One couple has relocated and purchased an abandon underground missile sight that they live in.  An out of the box contractor has cashed in on doomsday prepping by drawing up a plan of building secure living communities that will in fact run like a town but secure from the chaos and unfolding of the Armageddon events outside their walls.  He is drawing in the wealthy and elite to his idea. As I view the different scenarios of real people living in real time my first reaction is to chuckle at their alarmist motives.  My second response is I really can’t disagree with the fact that our country is in a place where economic ruin is not a far of fantasy. But my question is this: What is the driving force behind doomsday prepping for these people?

Fear.

I read this quote today, “Fear is rooted in the desire to protect ourselves from judgment, pain, or suffering. Fear operates by getting people to put their attention on themselves.  It causes a person to focus on self-preservation and reject anything that threatens his or her self-interest.  Fear causes us to hide. Deny truth. Flee the presence of God. Fear will rob us of our destiny. The very walls you build up out of fear to protect yourself will be the very prison that ensnares you.” –Steve Foss

The people that have become obsessed with preserving themselves are living for a moment that may or may not ever happen in their life time.  Living the reality of their lives for a what if moment or period of time. Fear has deceived their perception.  Now every life moment they spend is perceived through the possible event of a coming chaos, of the powerful America ending. While the world and their lives go on.  Let’s say on best case scenario for them America’s power does crash.  Let’s say the book of revelation in the bible that reveals the end of the world as we know it comes to an end a season worse than the great depression occurs.  At best they will perhaps survive a bit longer than the unprepared…at best and for what?  In the end we will all draw a final breath and whatever doomsday prepping that had been done will not have an effect on the fact that we will all die. Will they look back and say I’m so glad we spent all of our time, energy, money and resources on the possibility of the end coming or will they look back with regret…If only I had truly lived instead of fearing the possibility of an imminent death?

Unless… (As one of my favorite authors, Dr.Seuss, would say...)  Unless, our doomsday prepping perhaps is drastically different from that which can be viewed in high definition before our eyes. 

 

In the Word of God, Jesus said this, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” –Matthew 6:19-21 

As I watched doomsday prepping it sparked a motivation in me. A call to action.  Not to just sit around and laugh, judge, or be complacent.  The Holy Spirit in me called me that I too also need to begin storing up.  Because there will be an ultimate end to America, the world as we know it, the earth itself. Revelation 21:1 says, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.” God in his word states the end.  It’s not pretty when it comes, but produces something more beautiful than I can comprehend. I may or may not live to the end of the age, but there is one thing that is not in question one of two things will happen: either this world will die or I will and so will you. When one or the other comes into the reality of my breath, your breath where will our treasure be?  

No I don’t have stockpiles of food and ammunition in my basement, but what about my heart?  How many times have I, do I, operate out of fear and self-protection.  Have I hoarded and stockpiled things for myself in this life?  Things that I thought would better me?  Such as hiding from deep hurt, avoiding things too painful in my life and running to the next thing to console my bleeding heart.  I have realized that I have a pattern. I am a professional “runner” who sprints, flees, flies the coop when things get tuff. If you ask me flight or fight, I, with plane ticket in hand, bags packed and trip itinerary run to get to the plane that will send me out of miserly, conflict, sorrow, or pain in general. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not a rare breed.  Sometimes our flight is a flee other times it’s a denial and an avoidance that leaves us living fake, half transparent and hiding.  Running in instances is a panic of “Get me a quick fix”. A gallon of ice cream. A long night of mixed drinks and “great” sex with a stranger.  A marathon slide of the credit card at the mall. A counselor, maybe many counselors until we get to the one that tells us what our aching ears want to hear…it’s OK...it’s not your fault…time will heal. (All of which can be helpful. But not when real pain should first be run to instead of run from) For some it’s constant something…exercise, work, laughter (just laugh it off), drinking, gambling, meth, busyness (God forbid that silence and stillness swallow us alive and reveal the pain we think we have conquered in the fast lane of our, “Hi, how are you?” life!) I have much junk “stored up in my heart” the very things that I thought would bring me freedom from the pain, bound me a captive and in prison more and more to it (pain), and the secondary addiction as well(name your kryptonite). Well then, here we are with this divinely uncomfortable revelation…what to do now?  It gets deeper. For me I realized why I run, avoid, flee.  For me it shows a lack of trust and an authority problem.  And that is sin. 

I am a sinner.  I was born that way. A rebel if you will.  I was so stubborn in the birth canal and refused to come out that placenta previa occurred and I came after! I was so unwilling to obey authority, at four years old after getting a spanking I would look my mom in the eyes as she fought back tears and say in a sing song voice with a little hip swing to go along with it, “Didn’t hurt mom!”  I was born with a main dish authority problem and a spiced up side of strong will to compliment it.  Thus you will not tell me what to do or how to do it and if you do I will buck you.  Thankfully, over the years I have come to some good realizations in my life such as laws are to be followed for our best interest, rules mostly have a good purpose, and there is a reason people are in authority…I learned this lesson best when I myself became a mom (who knew?!). Learning these things has been helpful but the one choice I made at 16 years of age changed everything.  That strong willed, stubborn girl had grown into a strong willed, stubborn teen who worked diligently at controlling her life and the people around her which caused a habit of perfection and people pleasing. This led to a very sick cycle of inward defeat.  When you live in a fallen world where things do not always turn out as planned and people do not always do as you hope; expectations are continually not met. This is overwhelming to the one working so hard to be the one who saves face for everyone.  My life was spinning out of control, but secretly I learned one thing I could control.  I developed an eating disorder. Bulimia. I could eat to my heart’s desire and then purge the food before it digested and not gain an ounce. I was in authority… until my secret was brought to light. I was admitted to a treatment hospital in Dallas, Texas called Jehovah Rapha (which means, our God who heals) it was there in the middle of that big city in a dark sanitized hospital room that I made a decision that would change everything.  After a day of saying good-bye to my family and being left behind locked steel doors with video cameras and a security system. After an afternoon of being stripped searched to make sure I had no weapons or drugs on my person to harm myself or others and my belongings thrown out onto the floor of my room where a nurse sorted through my things and took what could be a possible threat (razor for shaving, blow dryer, etc…) let’s say I came to the end of me.  My grandmother had given me a bible before I got on the plane.  In desperation that night I picked it up and said these words, “God if your real, I need to know it and I need you to show me and come in and save my life.” My bible fell open to this verse “Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”  -Proverbs 3:5,6. That was my moment of salvation; I gave up the authority and control I had worked so hard to protect. My heart filled with hurt and unmet expectations let go and it was filled with a Holy presence, a forgiving Savior, and a peace that surpasses my understanding.  I was instantly healed of my eating disorder and have never purged or starved myself since that day July 1, 1990. I love God.  I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.  My name is written in the Lamb’s book of life.  This is good treasure that I began storing up even at a young age where I didn’t know at the time the deeper unseen meaning of it all. My eternal destination changed that night from hell to heaven. Life since then has been far from perfect or easy.

I still have a lot to learn; a lot of sin to throw off that so easily entangles me.  And so I am throwing out this entangled sin in my heart that I have stored up.  I don’t like weeding. It’s such a chore.  But there is now beginning to be room for me to store up something else.   As the fear and self-protection are exposed in the heart, the Holy Spirit shines a debilitating dose of his light into our darkness that kills the weeds of addictions and self-preservation tactics. We are left naked, undone, open and bare.  Which if dealt with in the hands of a loving God; Perfect Love, replaces the empty space; all of it to overflowing.   I John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love, Perfect Love casts out all fear.”  We are set free from the chains of fear and we come into deep repentance regarding our authority issue and face our deepest fear, The Living God.  Who casts out all fear with his perfect love.  Our biggest fear, submitting to God’s authority when done, diminishes all other fears.  We can then begin doomsday prepping like no other. Storing up in freedom...to love him and others with the perfect love he gives.  The message of self and the world is self-protection. The message of the gospel of Jesus Christ is self-denial.  Having an others focus, an oozing joyful love that’s not based on circumstance or others attitudes, beliefs, or decisions.  We love much because we know we are a people who have been forgiven much.  Out of deep repentance comes deep reconciliation. Weather through life or death we can now make choices to bring glory to his name and look forward to the day we will stand in his presence with our stored up treasure that moth and rust could never destroy.  We have not been made perfect yet as it states in Philippians 3:12 “ Not that I have already obtained all of this or have been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of for me, brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” 

What the world thought would be doomsday becomes the best day when the saved soul takes up residence in the perfection of eternity in Heaven with Jesus.  When the day comes to your life and you stand before the living God with nothing left uncovered what will your treasure look like?  Will you stand in regret with only things that moth and rust destroyed? Or will you stand with the deep unseen treasures of Heaven: Jesus, The Holy Spirit of the living God who worked his resurrection power through your heart and life with jewels of witness, giving, healing, forgiveness, reconciliation, a laying down of your life for others? Times a wasting what are you prepping?

"Behold, I am coming soon and my reward is with Me and I will give to everyone according to what he has done." -Jesus Revelation 22:12

Bloom

It’s been through a lot.  Two and a half years ago a deep trench was dug around the foundation of our home. All livings things and systems were uprooted.  Dirt was then replaced back into the trench after the foundation had been tiled.  The soil was tampered and hard pressed to even the ground.  Next the landscaping tarp was laid over the dirt to prevent weeds and other non-wanted plants to grow in awkward unplanned places.  A brick border was laid around the foundation of the house. Finally, tons of rocks were hauled in and dumped over the landscaping tarp 5 inches thick. Even after all this upheaval, misplacement, and covering, the tulip still blooms.  For the past two springs it has pushed through the rock, tarp, and brick. It springs up through the ground where it receives sunlight, warmth, and rain.  It’s blooming now.  The wind gusts. The temperature drops.  Yet it remains alive; showing its beauty amongst the rock.  It blooms even though it looks unmistakably awkward and out of place.  Not only does it keep blooming, this golden sign of spring speaks to my soul.

It speaks about the kind of work God does with the heart of a human. When planted in the rich soil of his forgiveness and healing a blooming miracle occurs.  We are dug up out of our sin state and tossed out of the destruction path we were headed down. We are replanted or as the bible refers to “born again.” The world, Satan’s schemes, and our own selfish desires try to hard press, bury, and cover us with heavy burdens of shame, fear, doubt, worry, and defeat. The lies from the devil, the rude remarks from others, and our own self- doubt cover us with heavy rocks that seem insurmountable.  Yet with the help of the Holy Spirit inside; we grow. We push through the pressed dirt, the tarp covering, the brick, the rock, and we grow deep roots in the rich soil of our Savior’s love and desire for us.  Nothing can stop us from blooming. We must. We have to. We do.  Even in the most awkward of places, even in the most debilitating circumstances, even in the deepest places of brokenness we grow a bud that must burst into a bloom and come alive. Just like the misplaced tulip that rightly belongs in a garden amongst manicured landscapes planned out by a Master Gardener’s plan, we too are alien blooms splashing color on the dark backdrop of fallen life in this world.  But yet we bloom. 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. -2 Corinthians 5:17

Where are you planted? Bloom There.

And Then It Gets Personal......

It was Friday afternoon. I was sitting in our office talking with my husband while forming our plans for the weekend and conversing about the day.  My phone rings. I wasn’t prepared for the conversation that would transpire over the next few minutes, so I was glad I was already sitting down.

If you have read my blog the Lord has been taking me on this uncharted journey; pulling me out of the American Dream lifestyle and planting me in the “Take up your cross daily and follow me,” one.  In that journey we have set plans in faith alone to coordinate a missions trip to an orphanage in Jamaica over the upcoming Christmas break (anyone interested there are still spots open…message me).  I first talked with the girls at Whooptidoos, the little eatery we run in town.  One of the girls was ecstatic and said yes I want to go and bring my kids.  Awesome!  

A little back story, this is a single mom with two kids.  She works a total of four jobs which are her sole means of income. She does not skip a beat as a mom and sacrificially gives her kids every opportunity she can. Not only that but she is a giver and the first one to step up when someone needs a hand.  She did not know financially how it would work out for her and her family but in faith she said yes.  Her enthusiasm did not waiver only grew in the coming weeks as I would get texts about her looking on the website and dreaming about the kids. Her son received $10.00 as a Valentine’s gift and he gave it to his mom to put in their fund.  She was beginning to rub off on everyone around her in such a great way including me who would tend to dream big about doing this and then be overwhelmed at all the details.  Each time I think this is way too big for me sure enough a text arrives in my inbox like “I’m planning a garage sale to raise money for our Jamaica trip!”  SWEET!

So the phone call on Friday was this hardworking- give- her -all single mom who had a story to tell.  She said, “Joy you’re not going to believe this I am in shock I can’t believe this just happened!”  She was fighting back tears and excitement and trying to be able to communicate between the emotion and elation of the good news she was about to share.  She proceeded to tell me that she had come to the conclusion that if they were going to be able to go on the mission trip to Jamaica she was going to have to take on another job, things were just getting tight and that was the only solution she could think of to fulfill her passion to go in December.  

Until….

She arrived home from work that afternoon to find a package waiting for her to open.  The contents of the package revealed two thousand dollars in cash from an anonymous soul!  Her next words with happy tears were, “We’re going to Jamaica, I don’t have to get another job!”

We reveled at the awesomeness of this very specifically personal miracle God had allowed to come into her life together in shock and awe and sheer delight!

With this woman’s permission I am compelled to share this delightful story of good news and great hope because on so many levels it speaks.

1)      Webster City, Iowa….The God of all creation is STILL very much alive and working in the heart beat of our community!  This is good news! Life is hard. Everything does not always work out as planned or the way we want, that is the reality of living life in a fallen world filled with sin. But there is hope.  When we step out in faith alone believing in someone bigger than our self, bigger than our abilities and resources that is when God can show himself in mighty ways to you, to me, to a mama who wants to give to others and be an example to her kids. There is a scripture verse that sums it up pretty well…”For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him.” -2 Chronicles 16:9 (NIV)

2)      When we give what we don’t have God provides.  Having the honor to watch this woman being willing to go and give when she herself has need reminded me of the parable Jesus told about the widow’s mite…” Sitting across from the offering box, he was observing how the crowd tossed money in for the collection. Many of the rich were making large contributions. One poor widow came up and put in two small coins—only two cents. Jesus called his disciples over and said, "The truth is that this poor widow gave more to the collection than all the others put together. All the others gave what they'll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn't afford—she gave her all." -Mark 12:41-44(MSG) It is easy for me to give things I no longer need or will not miss.  But when you ask me to give up something “I can’t live without” I squirm.  Have you ever stepped out giving of your time, resources, money or talents and it costs you something, something that you did not know how you would do without?  How did God provide?  Is God calling you to do that in your life now?  Maybe it’s giving up your fight of keeping God at a distance and surrendering to him realizing he is the Good King you need to rule your life in this really hard world.  Be like the widow and give your all, your everything. Life will not be perfect.  God is not a genie in a bottle that you can rub on as needed to get your wishes met.  He is however the best provider, sustainer, and fulfiller of dreams you will ever know…try him!

3)      GOD IS LOVE and he allows us meager humans to show his love. In so many ways this story shows God’s love.  The anonymous giver who generously out of love gave to a single mom looking for nothing in return and no recognition. The single mom who out of love can’t wait to get her hands dirty, roll up her sleeves, love on and care for little ones who do not have a mama that does that.  God’s love for me when I doubt that I can do great things for him. He by the means of others actions make a statement of “Follow me, I got this, you are not alone!”, and hopefully sends a love message of encouragement to you in your life where you are at right now that will strengthen your faith or encourage you to believe for the first time.

………LIFE IS HARD….GOD IS GOOD…ALL THE TIME…….

BTW HERE IS AN AWESOME VIDEO OF THOSE SWEET BABIES WE ARE GONNA LOVE ON!

www.robinsnestchildrenshome.org/

(click on this link and watch the you tube video)

Church

So there I was frustrated angry, hurt, and in those moments I allowed that spirit to fester…bitterness grabbed at my attitude, judgment desired to spew out of my lips as comparison danced its enticing salsa moves in my mind and defeat pressured my stance while I began to sit in the lies hoping to have me.  The church had done me wrong. I was enraged.  I was grieved.  The flesh and spirit fight battled in my body, heart, mind and soul, for days.  

What I heard.

“Look in.”

I heard the Lord say.  “Don’t look out look in.  Look inside you.  Be still child and look.  Because the church is you.  I live in you and I am building my kingdom through you.”

I am being called by the certainty of The Holy Spirit in me to this holy inward radically unnatural look during a time I would rather look at the specs in others eyes without giving thought to a plank in mine.  The message is everywhere inside me and everywhere I seem to turn.  I say yes, not because it’s going to do me any good -like make me a shinier vessel and get me a well done at the meet and great in heaven (although I eagerly await that day) I just say yes because, “King I love you!  I have chained myself to your gospel. I want to be a fool for you. I want my heart to be a home where you can live; I want to be like the poor who have found the true riches.  Jesus I just love you. You’re a Good King who is trustworthy every single time. 

So Jesus is softly speaking to my heart, “Look in…this is where the church is.”  As I look in, I see two things: 1) the disgusting wretchedness of my sinful and shameful ways.  I live my life a lot of the time as a spiritual sleepy head! Ugh!  And then I see the other part during this inward look.  2) The Spirit.  The same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead lives in me and continually makes me more and more like him as I fan into flame this gift of God.  Thank you God for your spirit that is like the full time butler to my ever needy withered human soul.  In ward I look while quieting my ever expressive soul and listen ….

“Child stop looking out and pointing fingers, thinking maliciously...No matter what is going on around you I need you to have a laser focus on me.  The fire is heating up around the world but I want to refine you and burn off in you all that is useless to my kingdom. I am making you more and more into the reflection of my son, Jesus.  My Spirit does live in you and for resurrection power to be yours, death must happen.  My word says if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray  and turn from their wicked ways then I will come to them and heal them.  Church, (insert name) humble yourself.  Where is your pride?  Where is your arrogance, where is your superiority to others including other believers .  Church when did you put levels at the foot of my cross?  Church when did you only enlist those who dressed like you or conformed to you?  Church, (Joy) get over yourself! Church what have you put before me?” 

(Lord personally speaking this is sick but I have put the dumbest things like mascara before you if I am going to be transparently honest, ice cream, getting my way, or God have mercy, the sound of my own voice during a worship song. Ugh! Thanks Jesus for loving and forgiving me.)

“Church humble yourself, repent, and turn from the wickedness of comfort, hoarding the gospel, hoarding your time, hoarding your talent, hoarding  your gifts, hoarding your treasure, get rid of this lifestyle even if you must sell everything you own to do so.  Turn away from addictions, habits, rituals, comfort, usual, and normal. Wake up . Turn! Roll over shut off the snooze button and get out of your bed arise my darling for there is a wedding to prepare for! The invitations have not all yet been received. I don’t need you but I want you. I desire to commune with you.  Will you stop sleeping and be with me? You are my bride, I am crazy about you, don’t miss our wedding day.  Will you rub the sleep out of your eyes and wake up from your hibernating state.  You filled yourself and fell asleep.  Sleep is good to an extent but the time for rest is over it is time to come out of hibernation and feel the hunger pains of a dry church needing my living water, my daily bread to fuel a divine fire of revival which I need you to GO! Get outside the built up walls.  Feed and rescue a dying going to hell world.  I am building my church. I am building you.  Stop being a spiritual zombie, reading my word as a ritual and checking it off your to do list. Allow it to sink in, change you, and share it with someone.”

As I here this message from the beautiful Church Builder constructing His church in me, I with a dry mouth, a cough and the smell of spiritual morning breath say, “Lord I’m in. Show me how “in” looks and what to do."

What to do?

I am learning that for right now it means feeling squeamishly uncomfortable most of the time, being willing to have awkward moments, making relationships with others I would have previously passed by…relationships, friendships… not projects, clients or prospective church memberships, just people that God wants me to love like I love myself. Myself does not want to not know about Jesus love and die  and live forever in hell so I get a little more willing to go and spend me on them because I could be them if it were not for the great mercy and love The Spirit prompted others to show me.  

 For right now it means forgiving authority in my life. 

For right now it means in humility putting myself out there with the transparency of this writing with my laser focus on Jesus and not my easy, what is everybody else going to think about it, excuse card. For now it means continuously being humbled and turning from my wicked ways so I become less and he becomes more.   

For now it means waiting on the Lord for logistics and connections that he will show me to bond with other believers who want to live on the Kingdom’s front line locally and globally. 

For now it means pleading with the generation that is in front of me to not drop the baton.  I need you.  If it were not for your faithful and consistent obedience to Jesus I would be a lost soul. Don’t stop now your purpose is not over. Take my hand don’t cross your arms at the style I am freest to worship in. For now it means I will stop viewing your hymn book as stuffy and irrelevant. Take my hand and pour your eternal wisdom into me that I can pour into the next generation.  Take my hand and show me how to be a Godlier woman; share your story with me. Take our hands as we are in the middle of raising the up and coming generation. You have done this. We need your wisdom, love, authenticity, transparency and guidance.  Thank you to those of you who have bought into the ministry of mentoring. Spread the fire and the blessing. For now this means I kneel, I weep, I roll up my sleeves, and I might even dress a little crazy sometimes for the ones coming after me. Oh Church they need us more than ever. 

For now it means looking at everything “I have” and realizing it was never mine.  For now it means giving more… stuff, money, time.  For now it means rethinking what is really a need and a want.

 For now it means admitting, I need your help I cannot do this alone.  For now it means offering help to my sisters and brothers in Christ…and any soul in need of a Savior, I’m awake if you need a hand. 

For now it means open hands unclenched to me, control, my way and instead turned up, lifted up to Jesus.

 For now it means not giving up hope on the Church in America. For now it does mean to not conform. For now it means being willing to be unpopular, disliked, and labeled a fool if necessary. For now it means believing I am the Church, you are the Church if you know Jesus. We are the church, his bride, and he is jealous for us. We need not give our love and devotion to another, for our coming King is enthralled with us. 

For now it means I say, I am sorry world looking in if I have given you the perception that I am better, have arrived, or know more…I’m not and I don’t. For now it means I say I’m sorry church has wronged you, it’s wronged me too but Jesus never has.

For now it means being OK with not being perfect yet and loving, serving, and serving others who have not been made perfect yet either but loving and serving anyway. For now it means having a sacred ache for home that doesn’t leave me discontented and home sick but drawn to action for my homeland of Heaven.

It’s been an imperfect look with fallen eyes that struggle and wrestle with the flesh. I get caught up in sweating the small stuff; I mean put me in a shopping mall and my eyes are enticed. The worldly stuff calls my name. I instinctively call out, “Yes oh bedazzled blue jeans!”  Lately though, put me in a shopping mall and I feel miraculously out of place. The blinders have been taken off.  Not that I should never shop or will never again but, I see the stuff as stuff that will actually burn…eventually. Thus stuff you have lost  your stately position when put against the true riches of heaven’s kingdom with things like feeding the hungry, loving the broken, looking after orphans, and weeping with the widow.  Clearance racks cannot hold a candle to the reality of knowing that God’s word says if I overcome all this earthy stuff and keep a fire for him, not only do I get to spend eternity in Heaven with Jesus because of his grace and mercy for me, I will get to sit on his throne! (Rev 3).  To a girl who has lived most of her life daddy less, this is super motivating I can’t wait to snuggle up on my Father’s lap on his throne!!! ……………………………………………………...............……...….............................. sorry, I was having a moment.

What does it mean for you, Church?

Built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in who the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit. - Ephesians 2:20-22

But Christ is faithful over God's house as a son. And we are his house if indeed we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast. -Hebrews 3:6

I'm Expecting!

As any hopelessly romantic girl would dream, my thoughtful husband made reservations at one of the finest restaurants in the Jordan Creek Area for Valentine’s Day. We both dressed up for the occasion and I excitedly awaited the evening agenda the hours prior to our date.  It's the kind of restaurant that checks your coat for you and offers you the option to buy your water in case tap isn't to your liking.  The menu is exquisite and my eyes wondered down the list as I meandered through the choices to find one that delighted my palette. Interestingly, as I studied the menu and sat in the ambiance of "love," I found it all a little hard to swallow this year. You see I have found that once I have become aware I can no longer become unaware again.  Once my eyes have been opened I cannot force them to not see.  I am now waist deep into exposure and I am no longer ignorant or innocent.

Over the past three years I have been taken on a journey where a consistent message has been threaded into so many situations that have caused awareness, seeing and exposure to infiltrate my perfectly Americanized Christian lifestyle...and as I sit in the elegance of the sweet longings of a princess heart all around me I feel nothing but disgust.
 

The journey began when a dear friend spoke frankly to me about my selfishness as she saw me so focused and stuck on mountain of sorrow in my life. FYI, when I say good friend I mean like a sister. I wouldn’t recommend this with just any friendship it might end up in a parting of ways for many.  This friend and I had pounded the pavement together for years each morning where we had some of the best church I’ve ever been to and tapped into much free counseling one from the other; not to mention butt kickings when we wanted to quit training and the best sweaty hugs when life’s struggles had us in hand. So to say the least she had spent much to earn my trust to come to a moment where she could state her case with me and I wouldn’t slap her and want to pull her hair out.  She said, “You know you really just need to get the focus off yourself and go do something for someone else.  If you take your focus off of your problems and give to someone I think it will do you good.”  “Well La Ti freaking da,” was my first thought but I kept that one to myself until, well, right now.  There was a silence as this was an evening phone conversation that I thought had the purpose of planning our run for the following morning.  I was way off.  The spoiled- brat- strong- willed- get –her- way at all costs little girl inside wanted to tell her what for, while the self- controlled new woman emerging within through the grace and healing work of The Holy Spirit Inside gave a listen.  Interestingly enough at our church earlier that day a woman had come and spoke about an orphanage in Jamaica she had started.  There was a group forming from our church that would go work at the orphanage in January which was over six months away and cost over 1200 dollars.  At church I had thought what a cool opportunity if you had the money but I was a single mom with three boys and a demanding full time job so it was out of my realm of possibility and had shut the door as soon as it had opened in my mind. But now I was seeing a light through the little crack under the shut door that wouldn’t go away as my friend’s words began to sink into my heart.  I told her about church and promised I would check into it with much doubt and apprehension but at least got her off my back for the night.  So I did check into it and all the spots were filled. “Whew!” I was off the hook! Until a few days later when the trip coordinator called me back and said they did have one more opening.  I said yes.

That Yes was not just a yes to go to an orphanage and think about someone’s trouble other than my own but a yes that would begin a gradual trickle of The Life living Gospel of Jesus coming into the literal life sphere of my time that would begin to make me question and rethink everything.  The journey took me to the orphanage in Jamaica where I became a human jungle gym and giant Kleenex box to 30 plus orphans that Jesus calls the least of these.  The journey would take me to a rocking chair at that orphanage where a precious little “orphan” would kneel at my side and wash my feet with a white cloth silently without a word that would blow me out of my selfish ocean of thoughts about my sorrow and transport me into the same place as her- the least of these. It is there that I am taught that orphans have names like Zoe and Ricardo and Matthew and Neo.   And Orphans have personalities and talents like playing soccer and basketball, and orphans have beds that they sleep in each night left untucked in and not consistently prayed with and not smothered with hugs and kisses from a doting parent.  I am suspended here in this time and place where orphans get sick with a fever and just want to be held but there aren’t enough hands to go around for them to consistently be snuggled until the fever breaks,  where random volunteers cart little ones to doctors appointments without knowing their birth dates, last names, or medical history.  It is there that my heart begins to break. It is there that I get a glimpse and I don’t see the least of these anymore.  These aren’t orphans these are God’s kids, just like me. And so I go home changed on the inside yet still an American Girl prone to her American ways and habits of variety and excess and indulgence.

Yet the trickle remains to drip into my pulsating spiritual veins.  I am later led to the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan where he asks the question, “Are you excited about going to heaven because you will walk on streets of gold, live in a mansion, and all your tears will be wiped away and there will be no more night, sickness, and death…or are you longing for heaven solely because Jesus is there?”  Ugh… going to my core I had to be honest it was both.  But mostly in my tangible and hard life because I get tired of tears, sickness and death. Even though I love Jesus I look forward to a life with those things removed.  With this thought process set into motion a second question formed in my heart, “Do I give to the needy because you love Jesus or because it makes it easier for you to sleep at night and because you want to be and be known as a good person?”  Ugh…falleness wins again!  I am disgusted and I honestly face these hard facts with Jesus and run to him in my selfish fallen state. It is here that he teaches me “Child its OK I never expected you to love even me without me.  So I learned, to love God, I needed his love, and to love others I needed his love to love him and then him to love others through me.  Wow what a truth and perfect timing too because smack dab in the middle of that lesson a little boy follows my youngest son into our restaurant one day after school.  After a little conversation I find that he is eating Doritos (or as I adoringly refer to them as Dirty Toes) for dinner tonight because that’s all that they had in their house to eat.  What are you kidding me? This is Webster City, Iowa not some third world country for crying out loud.  And that’s what I did that night after sending the little boy with a sack full of food, cried out loud, Lord what am I supposed to do with all of this?”

Life went on. We served a community Thanksgiving meal at our restaurant Whooptidoo! (Pun intended but that is the name of our little eatery) Kudos on the community good citizen ship status right?  Well I guess but it only opened up my eyes more to the need and opened my heart more to the longing to give.  Which soon lead me to Wells Fargo Arena on one of the coldest January Nights I can remember where I walked the sky walks filled with mass amounts of energetic teenagers who ignored the cold and chatted toward the arena as if they were walking along Daytona Beach in North Face clothing.  But it was there as the night came to a climax at least for me, that a message was spoken into my life about being a hurt healer or a hurt dealer based on the story of the Good Samaritan in the bible.  By this time I’ m like OK Lord I’ m beginning to get it, I’ll buy the book, I’ll read it and OK I’ll do what it says. So I did just that went home and worked my way through the book, “Hurt Healer,” by Tony Nolan.  When I finished the book I began praying for God to give me a literal opportunity to be a hurt healer like the Good Samaritan was to the beat up man alongside the road.  Sure enough it came on a blustery morning as I was running errands with my oldest son in tote.  A young woman with two little boys and an adorable puppy were walking alongside the road.  Rose and her two sons changed my life in the 14+ hours of life we shared together.  I learned that women on the side of the road are not pretty little pawns for me to complete my Christian girl duty on.  They are messy, out of options people in need of love, care and truth, lasting truth and a healing Savior.  I don’t know what happened to Rose but I know she experienced Jesus in those hours we shared and it blew us both away.

And so life went on and it became harder to be this nice little Jesus Girl that attended church like clockwork, small groups, bible studies, prayer groups, listened to worship music and had her daily quiet time.  Why was this no longer enough?  Why?  The other side of me still was indulgent in culture, choice and thinking I deserved the blessing.  Why was this no longer filling the void and leaving me emptier each time I tried?  Oh how God’s word can reveal the answer to my ever asking heart.  Isaiah 58 began to be my weekly meditation “This is the true fast I have chosen, to loose the chains of injustice to untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke.  Share your food with the hungry, provide the poor wanderer with shelter, when you see the naked clothe him, and do not turn away from your own flesh and blood. Then your light will break forth like the dawn and your healing will quickly appear…. Do Away with the yoke of oppression, the pointing finger, and malicious talk…spend yourself on behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed then your darkness will become like the noonday and the Lord will guide you always, he will satisfy your needs and strengthen your frame.” This is exactly what my beautifully sassy friend had told me, to spend yourself on someone else and your healing will begin, this is what my heart had experienced in helping Rose, in helping the little boy that came into Whooptidoos; light came and satisfaction filled my ever craving heart when I gave when I looked after others in Jesus name.  It was no longer enough to gorge myself with Christianity, I had to share Jesus.

So I decided to, or maybe the Spirit inside prompted me to get a little crazy with all this.  We planned a trip for our whole imperfectly blended family to go back to the orphanage in Jamaica over Christmas break.  I was really in over my head this time for crying out loud we were just learning how to get along with one another let alone go serve 30 little ones! Most days being able to agree on a restaurant or TV show would be a miracle of Divine Intervention, how are we all going to be able to go to a foreign country and not think of ourselves and work together while we spend ourselves on behalf of the oppressed?  This is where God replied, “SHHHHHHHH…Be still child and know that I am God.”  And so I listened as we all sat on many Sunday evenings nestled in our family room couches going through the book, “The Hole in Our Gospel” by Rich Sterns in preparation for our upcoming mission trip. As our teens and pre-teens sometimes with exaggerated sighs and obsessive eye roles studied and engaged in the specifics of poverty in our world.  The trickle began in them too.  There were no presents under our Christmas tree this year.  Heartless as it may seem, we needed to sacrifice our overindulgent life style of excess just one day for something greater and ones much smaller.  To say the least the presents were never missed and the gift those precious ones in Jamaica gave to us what money could never buy and I certainly couldn’t contain it in a box under my tree.  I humbly observed my children and step children spend themselves without thought of giving up their creature comforts, their light became like the noonday; a light that wouldn’t fizzle out when they landed back in their home country.  Adopt, became an overused word in the days and weeks that followed our arrival back home.  I certainly didn’t have the goal of adoption when I went into this.  My goal was to give our kids a bigger world view and engage their Spirits to begin to live out the command Jesus gave before leaving earth to Go into all the world and preach the Gospel. God’s goals were much bigger than mine as unified they begged, pleaded and willed to give up much in order to adopt a brother or sister. OK God, I’m listening.

I began reading the book,” Kisses From Katie,” by Katie Davis, in the Charlotte airport on our way home from Jamaica. It’s one of those can’t put down until your finished kind of books, I’d tell you what its’ about but you just need to read it for yourself.  It blew the little that was left of my girly girl, princess in a comfortable American lifestyle, sipping Starbucks, working hard and playing hard with a plan to retire and travel mentality out of the water, (sorry if that killed your desire to pick up the book)thankfully.

…And so there I was with my darling husband in the middle of this over the top dining experience trying to decide what to order and all I can think is, “This steak’s price could feed a Compassion child for a month, this plate could pay for a little girls chance to go to school in Uganda for a whole year…but I was here and I was thankful for my husband and love and Valentine’s Day…As attractive as he looked to me that night across the table nothing is able to top the pure enticement to see your man spending himself on behalf of orphans.  My Husband is one of those motivated, faithful, hardworking individuals who thrives on task orientation.  I think he learned to work before he could speak.  To see him at the Orphanage totally out of his zone of comfort and the only work be to have little ones all over him all day while he exhibited love and patience, taught them, and played endlessly melted this girl’s heart all over again.  To see a little boy beg him not to go the afternoon of our departure and plead that he goes with us as our driver arrives and we board the bus to take us on the jarring trip down the mountain as tears stream down his cheeks makes me take root deeper into the vows I made to this man beside me in this messy gospel coming to life before our eyes.  So to get you out of this dramatic suspense I ordered the small plate…a couple glasses of wine and astonishingly passed with much drama inside on the Red Velvet cake for dessert, and lived! 

So here I am this evening in the know that loving Jesus is awesome, being saved from eternal death and my sin is incredible, if I never do anything more God’s love for me is perfect until I see his face and into forever.  But now I know that I don’t just want him for me, I want to be like him, I want to get humble for humanity like he did and I want to do what he told me to in James 1:27 that says “..to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” I don’t just want him for me I want everyone to have this awesome opportunity to know this amazing Jesus.  He has broken my heart for the least of these which includes me…there’s no turning back and so… I am expecting.  Our family is moving forward to see if adopting would be part of our ministry in this life for one or more of his precious ones…. I am expecting…for the Lord to continue to arrange and rearrange my thinking about living on purpose  and that I will stand up each day and do something different for his Kingdom’s sake.

I do not tell this story for a reaction of nice job, good for you comments.  I tell you this story because it is my story and the best one I know about the Gospel of Jesus Christ being specific and personal and real.  I tell you about this journey I have been taken on because for too many years I robbed myself of an incredible and adventurous life that fills that deep desire inside, the one I tried to fill with enough good girl Christian rituals (which I am not knocking, the foundation of my faith taught and brought me to this place) enough cute clothes, accessories, model perfect body, Martha Stewart cooking, and a home off the cover of Better Homes and Gardens-that was never enough.  I have not arrived but I have set sail and my hope is to sail with many others on this horizon.

P.S. Thank you sweaty running friend for if you had not spoken those precious words God placed in your heart to give me where would my life be today...What is God speaking to your heart, is there a gift you need to give someone with your words today..Is there a message inside that you  have ignored? It's worth a listen!

Why I Cannot Stand...But Stand

I've seen quite a few Facebook posts recently that read, "Why I still stand with Planned Parenthood."  Before you close this blog because your as sickened as I am by all the political mudslinging on so many issues or flat out disagree I challenge you to read a little closer. Twenty years ago I found out during my junior year of high school that I was pregnant. Up until this point I had played off the good girl story to my parents and grandparents by living two separate lives quite well.  One part of me living solely for myself doing what I wanted, how I wanted and when I wanted hurting and disrespecting anyone that got in my way.  While all the while playing the nice little religious church girl on Sunday morning and in their presence.  In keeping with my two faced girl theme and not wanting to disappoint my family, a plan was devised to have an unfamiliar adult take me to Des Moines where they would sign for me to exercise my right of choice to have an abortion.  By this time I was four and a half months pregnant with a slight bulge to my adolescent abdomen. 

I had grown up hearing that life, all life was precious.  I had grown up watching my mother and grandmother attend pro-life meetings, wear pins of little babies in the womb on their lapels, and been taken to hear many a lady who had suffered traumatic grief and loss in their choice of decision to end the life of their unborn child.  Even still I was determined to save face.  Surreally I walked through those grueling days before the Friday I was to execute the plan.  The morning before the car was to pick me up and transport me to the clinic to rid my body of the life inside, I was showering  for school and unmistakably heard a voice inside my spirit ask."Are two wrongs going to make this right for you?"  At that moment the tough girl fell, the selfish girl surrendered and my soul began to weep...Long story short the appointment to abort my son was canceled, the perfect- girl role was also shattered and for good. Those parents and grandparents who had been played by me acted in love and forgiveness and showed me in those tender days the true love of Jesus as they stood by my side. My son, Logan Michael Foose, was born. The first days seeing this tiny little person I was grieved at my core that I could have ever labeled him a choice in my life.  For better than I ever knew he was a great design, a created soul and a wanted plan.  I have had the humble privilege of being this child's mother for nearly twenty years. Twenty years of struggle, triumph, victory and defeat.  Logan's little life was used before he could even speak to teach me about love, responsibility, consequences of actions and bring me back into the fellowship of a loving God whose heart I had grieved. I have watched this young man struggle with belief in his worth and value of himself, fighting through peer-pressure and bullying, being broken to his core in living through betrayal and every single time his Savior brought him through and was just as faithful to him as the day he fought on his behalf when he was in my womb.  This weekend I watched this young man, serve many peers in his generation at a youth conference, where he who once was the wall flower, got up on stage and danced, free, uninhibited and joyful. I had an, "It's a Wonderful Life," kind of of moment where I thought what if his life was ripped out of this scene and all of the scene's of life lived over the past twenty years? How different would things be?  I'm so glad I will never know. And so I did stand with Grace on my life that night in that large auditorium filled with energetic teens while I'm sure not only did it put a huge smile on his mama's face as well as a tear in her eye, but also on his faithful heavenly Father's.

Today I can say that I am thankful for pro-choice. Not in the venue of Planned Parenthood's Agenda of the holocaust to the innocent, but that there is a personal God who is pro-choice. A God who allows his creation to choose him or not, to go their way or his, to seek him or the world, to make their own choices or to align their life with his perfect will, to be filled with His Spirit or self.  Yes our God is Pro-choice because he is not a prideful, power tripping dictator but rather a loving selfless Father who pursues us even to the point of sending his wrath on his own Son to bridge the sin gap between us yet even still says...the gift is here it's up to you....Today I say once again in this ever so difficult life.. I choose you Lord Jesus thank you for being faithful and loving so much.

If you have had an abortion and not had the opportunity to heal and grieve there is help and hope and forgiveness.  The ground at the foot of the cross Jesus died on is level there is no better or worse.  You are worthy of his love and healing and forgiveness the choice is waiting for you.  If you have not made a saving decision to accept Jesus Christ as your savior and make him your choice he is gently and tenderly calling you...What will you choose?

Tis the Season to be Serving.........

The idea of a servant's heart gives my soul great anticipation to help those in need; the poor, the orphaned, the widow.  In so doing I have great moments within my thought processes of everyone coming together to live in unity with the same mind, heart and spirit.  Knowing and believing in Jesus as the body of Christ. While many lost people have transformed lives in Christ and make a saving decision for Jesus to forgive their sin and be their Savior.

It is a beautiful picture that lives within my mind. I believe God sets this dream in His follower’s hearts, the dream of perfection and purity as much as it can be formed within our fallen heads.  Possibly, it is a dream put there to make us hungry for heaven when it will come true in the finale of Happily Ever After.  But as we attempt to live it out, perfection collides with sin in the world.  The one's being reached out to may be ungrateful, abusing the system to get their needs met without "doing their part."   The body of Christ members do not all have the same ideas as one another. Everyone is not always 100% a willing servant with a humble attitude.

This soul pondering led me to a memory of a truth the Lord taught me through an eternal circumstance he placed in my life.  I had just finished reading a book entitled, Hurt Healer, based on the scriptures of the Good Samaritan. It had challenged my heart and transformed my thinking in the area of serving.  I had been praying for an opportunity to be used by God as the Good Samaritan to someone.  The opportunity came as I drove by a woman and her two young sons standing alongside the road on the outskirts of town. It was cold and the boys were young.  I have never stopped to pick someone up, never felt the calling until that moment, on that frigid morning. My son and I prayed in our warm minivan, as we pulled up alongside her to ask if she needed a ride.  She was as apprehensive about me as I was about her. She replied that no help was needed but asked for directions to the human service office.  I pointed her in the direction of the office which was only across the road.   I was compelled to give her my phone number if she needed anything further.  I, with nervously shaking hands, handed the paper with my number scratched on it, to her shivering shaking hands as I thought to myself "Whew, I 'm off the hook!"

The morning continued on with running errands while spending time with my oldest son.  Within an hour the woman called back.  She said that she was desperate and did not know what to do.  Because she was from out of state human services could not help her and could only offer her to go to a shelter that would take her and her youngest son; her older son, 12, would have to go to a men's shelter.

I drove to her location while making calls to alert others of what was unfolding just to be safe.  My son and I prayed that God would show us what we were to do and guide us through whatever was going to happen with the situation at hand.  Her and her sons all climbed into our van and we went the eatery that our family runs downtown, fed the boys, and gave their frazzled mother a drink while she told us her dilemma of being stranded due to a flat tire that she did not have the money to repair. As the day drew on we found out much that continually made the situation messier and messier, at times communicating with law enforcement to see if an involvement with them was necessary.  Hours were spent making calls to figure out the best way to help this desperate family.  Shelters were full everywhere.  The car could not be fixed and was being impounded.  She had enough money for one night's hotel stay but then what?  She had no family she had grown up in and out of foster homes. Hard questions were asked to this woman to gain knowledge in order to find a solution.

It was there as I sat there up to my eyeballs in this woman's messy life the Lord began to change my heart; my thinking.  You see I thought I was going to do the good Christian girl thing and pick up a lady on the side of the road give her a ride and be on her way.  She would have a solution and I would have done my duty.  But that is not what the Lord requires of a servant.  This woman was out of options.  She was down to her last one; a spot on the side of the road.  If she had options she and her children would not have been on the side of the road on a cold Iowa morning.  They would have called home, transferred money, swiped the credit card, fixed the vehicle, or called a friend.

The Lord wants his followers to walk the way he walked to the cross.  He was not dying for the innocent. He was dying innocent, for the guilty.  The reasons he chose to go to the cross were messy, desperate, and to a species who had no other options.  He saw and was up to his eyeballs in the details of the mess of humanity.  It was not a walk to the cross that would be a pretty cup of tea for him.  He was not going to do his duty so we could be on our way.  No it went much further than that.  Jesus cross walk and crucifixion cost him terrible pain, suffering, and death.  As I was in the middle of this God scene in my life the truth came.  As a servant I am called to do the same.

Jesus made it clear to lay my life down in those hours, as my former agenda for the day began to fade. It was a list that had consisted of  running a business, the continual mountain of laundry and pile of dishes, children that needed help with homework, a husband to reconnect with after a long day of high demands at work, preparing dinner, with all of the above infused with phone calls, text messages, and e-mails. Not to mention I get tired; I would need sleep. My instinct is to think in my flesh. To think things like, "I am not flowing with unlimited financial resources.  I do not have all the answers, for crying out loud most days I barely have my own life together, let along thinking about fixing the woman alongside the road dilemma's!"  As human control and flesh began to die the sweetness of the Holy Spirit fell among us all.  I told the woman, "This whole day and its circumstances have happened because Jesus loves you. I am a selfish sinner without answers or options. And at that moment we became equal, both desperate souls standing on the side of life's road waiting for a Savior's rescue. The undeniable love of Jesus was had once again come to me and possibly for the first time been evident to her.

Soon, we all awkwardly crammed back into our minivan while the song, “Waiting for the World to Change” played on the radio.  It was a surreal moment as we listened to the words melodically coming forth out of the speakers.  It was as if God was saying, "You were waiting for change; change is here." Change for the woman and her boys named mercy, and for me and mine named taking up our cross.

Why did I expect this woman's life to be put together? Why did I assume that serving like Jesus would be easy and cost me nothing? In those hours I learned that in serving one must roll up their sleeves, be humbled and allow flesh to die, let go of expectations and walk as Jesus walked for us all. We only need to show up as a character in His story and ask the question, “Lord what is my part?" Then take our position and allow him to teach our roles.

After long hours the Lord provided a solution to send the family to their original destination. A sense of relief was felt by all as we rested and waited for time to pass until departure. In the wee hours of the morning the woman and her sons with their meager life belongings and Ziplocs filled with peanut butter and jelly, boarded the big Grey Hound. My husband and I sat in a teary exhausted silence as we drove out of the city. Servant hood, Jesus way, I'll do any day....

As we enter into the giving season how is Jesus challenging your heart to trust him and learn how he serves in the lives of others?