My oldest son's heart still remained tormented from the grueling effects of the nuclear bomb that had hit our family with one word, affair, nearly two and a half years prior to that morning. The conversation was infused with the grief in my soul of watching brokenness consume my son and being unable to take the burden. This was one that mama could not kiss and make better. Healing did come not in a lightning bolt moment and we were on a long journey to find freedom from this devastation. The healing came in pieces. Like a puzzle we were putting together or rather someone was putting together for us. Many of the pieces fit as we spent countless hours in a counselor's office and pastor's studies. Some connected though tears of anger or sadness. Others came into place from simply staying in the never changing truth of God's word. Still more were found through the passing of time and the stance of forgiveness because we had been forgiven. The pieces that came in the middle of the night were the hardest hearing my son cry while he slept...body resting yet soul still crying out and sitting awake outside of his room pleading the name of Jesus over him. Yes healing was a steady trickle that dripped life into the dark and desolate caves of my son's heart. And now I was moving on with my son's clear stamp of disapproval.
The morning conversation interrupted by catching our breath was in regards to a parallel of Abraham and Isaac. And how just like Abraham in the bible had his faith tested by God and was asked to offer his son Isacc at the altar to be sacrificed that I should do the same. And as the story goes Abraham in faith laid Issac on the altar and God provided a literal ram because of Abraham's faith thus Abraham was given back his son. My sweet friend said that I needed to give my son over to the Lord and pray for God to provide the ram. We discussed the specificness of what that meant and the faith that would take to lay him on the altar of the Lord. I processed that conversation the rest of that day. I knew what that meant...giving up rights to my son. This was anything but instinctive to my nature. Since I was a little girl my only dream had been to be a wife and a mom. One dream had been ripped apart wasn't that enough God? Why are you asking this of me? Haven't I suffered enough? Before I put my head on my pillow that night I prayed and gave my son to the Lord. I layed him on the altar and left him there. It wasn't natural, it didn't feel good. It ended up that my son did not physically live with me for a year an a half after that. I ached, I grieved. I got angry. There were some days I didn't want to get out of bed. But I didn't change my stance either.
I will never forget that morning, that day, that prayer. Now I sit well over two years later and am able to write God provided the ram. I wish I could tell you that the puzzle pieces being put together revealed that everything went back to the way they once were and thus my son was restored. I wish I could tell you that I made all the right choices and followed Jesus without flaw and this brought restoration to my son. I wish I could tell you that his father did the same leading him to wholeness. I wish I could tell you it was because of his great list of accolades and just an all around good kid that caused my son to overcome. But none of that happened exactly like that. What I can tell you is God is faithful. He is just plain faithful. He is the one who healed my son. I'm not sure of all the intimate and intricate details that occurred inside my son as he lay on God's altar but I am sure of the out comes. Yesterday I stood beside a man who sang his heart out to his maker, unashamed, uninhibited, and unaware of Satan's previous scheme for his ultimate destruction. We worshiped together side by side unified in heart and spirit to the Faithful One who lead us to this glorious and long awaited moment. And as if that wasn't enough my son in the middle of worship reaches his arm over to my side and pulls me close to his and whispers "I love you soo much mama, as long as I'm living my mama you'll be." God gave me back my son! Just like he gave Isaac back to Abraham. In that moment I said thank you. "Thank you Lord that you are so trust worthy and faithful." My heart was full as my mind surfed through the memories of this life so graciously immersed in the effects of a Risen Savior. My soul could only do one thing. Give him back. And my Spirit inside prayed "Lord he was never mine to begin with. He has always been yours. As a mom I want to hold him tight and never let go. I want to grasp his hand and literally walk him through. But Lord I see that when he is given to you and hidden in you is where he truly belongs. Lord give him your wisdom so he can be wise. Give him your love so that he can love. Give him your kindness so that he can be kind. Give him your attitude so he can serve. Give him your joy and may it be his strength. I place on him in Jesus name the Helmet of Salvation, the sword of the Spirit, the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, the shoes of peace and I send him to you for your kingdoms' purposes. May he be used fully for kingdom agenda and his whole life long may he be a mighty warrior for your great name."
Yes we are unfaithful. The ones we love are unfaithful..But God is not . He remains faithful. Is he testing your faith? Is he requiring you to lay something down that you grasp tightly in your hands, on his altar? If so lay it down. Your ram awaits.
