It was yesterday. The birthday. Sure when I was little I couldn't wait to get a little older, a little bigger. But now as those numbers creep closer to the big one, 40, it really is more of a have to! None the less it was a great day. I felt incredibly blessed and humbled by all the intimate and intentional wishes, gestures, and ways friends and family made the creeping up numbers seem like no big deal.
But I pondered as I quite often do and to a look back. The 20 year old Joy would have expected the 38 year old Joy to now have her custom built home, decorated to the hilt, while wearing her unlimited supply of designer clothing with an airbrushed body off the cover of Runner's World. The 20 year old Joy would have expected the 38 year old Joy to have the lake house, the gourmet elegantly planned out meals, the "perfect" picture of the Perfect lifestyle of the American dream. A lot of pressure I know, it's hard being me, LOL! Well here I am 38 year old Joy.. and I have to say I'm sorry 20 year old Joy to have sorely disappointed you. But I have a few things to say to you little miss 20...
We were sadly mistaken...I am finding out that the whole "American Dream, Keeping up with the Jones thing" is a hoax!Yeah it's good to work hard, be a good steward, and take care of your body the temple you have been given for God to dwell in. But.... the rest is a farce. The tangible distraction that constantly dangles like a carrot in front of us while running in the hamster wheel of life trying to get the next thing is not where it is at. OK, so maybe we are a slow learner but 33 started scratching the surface of this and 38 is digging in and letting go of the lie. The lie that even church was like a fun club of super happy people who had life put together because they would tell you when asked how are you ..fine...good...great with our country club smiles and neatly planned out wardrobes as to hide any complications. The lie that we were above certain sins and sinners because we didn't do those things and we didn't go to those places. Seriously 20 you had it all wrong. Not True. None of us ever had it all put together and none of us ever had that great of a life...truth is we are living in a fallen world that a promise has been declared to us here we, "Will have trouble." And 20 trouble came to you. If anyone would have told you the trouble we'd go through I think it probably would have taken you; fragile as you were hanging unto a castle made in the sand dream. But 20 take heart; the trouble did not take us! Because the declared promise that is actually the words of Jesus, you know the guy that saved your life and then you had a genie in the bottle relationship with for quite sometime, ends with "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world!" (John 16:33) So 20, Jesus did this really cool thing. While 33 thought she was gonna die in a pile of sadness and grief. He pulled her through and made her strong, he rebuilt us. It took a precious little orphan washing 34's feet for us to figure it out, but hey it happened, and life is so different now.
So here I am 38. thinking back on all this and I realize 38 your at a crossroads. As much as you have changed there are still so many patterns, habits, and choices that remain. It's ingrained in you 38. And 38 it can't be both ways. Sure there's been lots of change and for the better but there is now a fork in the road. The American Dream, the lavished life, the comfort, the "Way it's always been" for your culture, the it's all about you, take care of you, is on one turn. The abandon it all for the sake of the cross life is on the other. And it can't just be talk anymore, it can't just be giving that doesn't hurt. You 38, have to decide. It's not going to "Save" you that gift has already been given. That price has already been paid. There is nothing that can snatch you out of His hand. You are sealed with a promise. But 38 what will you do with knowing that promise has been sealed on you? Eternity. Has.Been. Sealed. On. You. 38 decide.
And so me, myself and I thought and pondered over life that had been, life that was, and life that was constantly coming to be. And I weighed the satisfaction. Hey I can't lie expensive jeans with bling on the pockets gives me a thrill. But when weighed up against praying the Holy name of Jesus over a dying girl laying on a borrowed sheet in Africa and watching her sit up and talk and then walk away....now I'm thinking, "What jeans?" When I think about a beautiful home where I can nest and nurture and care for my family and do the mom and wife thing that I love so I think yeah Jesus would want that for me right? Well weighed up against his words "Foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head," (Luke 9:58) don't really think that my lavished home is gonna get noticed on the day I stand before Jesus. I don't think Jesus is gonna say, "Oh I'm soo glad you bought that print on the wall, it matched so nicely with the accent pillows on the couch." But he might say "When I was hungry you gave me something to eat, thirsty something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I was in prison and you visited me...whatever you did for the least of these you did for me." (Matthew somewhere, you go find it; worth the dig!) 38 you're beginning to "get it" but now Jesus is asking you what will it be? You can't have it both ways. Just like the rich young ruler he talked to in the bible who was a really good guy. Followed the law, even believed. But he too came to that fork in the road, cross roads, moment-of-life and Jesus flat out said as he looked on this man with love, my road includes."Go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." (Mark 10) That rich man had it all but as Jesus said "He lacked one thing." 38 what is your one thing? Reader, what is your "one thing"? It's time to make your choice 38, it's very clear where you are. Where will you head? Jesus has been more than patient and extremely gentle waiting as you toyed with the world and your now shattered glass dream, it's time for another stake in the ground decision, you know the "No turning back, no turning back" kind of decision you sing about when you say you have decided to follow Jesus.
The choice is yours 38. I hope 40 can declare, "There is no downhill from here we are just gonna keep climbing this deny yourself take up your cross and follow mountain, embracing the love inlets of peace, and embracing the high altitude of learning how to breath deeper with less air, living better not because of more comfort, convenience, and ease of lifestyle but because the uphill climb of letting go of it all has made you strong, a woman who's "Arms are strong for her tasks and who's lamp does not go out at night." (Proverbs 31).. I hope 40 you are heavy into the uphill climb so as to someday hear when you get to the top of that beautiful breathtaking view on the mountain top "Well Done."
Thoughts & Confessions of a Daddy's Girl
Friday, August 31, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Rambling prayer of A Full Mama Heart
Lord... Thank you for a full heart this weekend.
Thank you for showing yourself the faithful one, the consistent one, the One we can trust.
I stood at my oldest son's graduation hearing his class belt out the old hymn "Take My Life and Let it Be" They chose it as their class song. Sang it on the mission fields all over the world. Sang it on bus trips to while ministering to youth around the country, sang it in the morning after corporate exercise, sang it during days of fasting, days of celebrating and now they were singing it as their send off to go into the world; after taking a year to ground their adult lives in Christ, be disciplined and trained, and to set apart Christ as Lord as they sought his purpose and plan for each of their futures. They became a family over that year. Hearing the words ring out through young hearts unified-passionately with everything they had while electric guitars and drums brought the 1874 written lyrics in tune with their generation; put my mama heart to the top of the brim and overflowing.
The hurt, pain, toil, the dark days, the teaching and training and reteaching and retraining that never seemed to end sometimes was all worth it seeing You Lord had brought him to this moment in time. You helped me through as a mom not having a clue as to what to do most of the time. But just squeaking out those help me prayers, "Holy Spirit speak through me," as I parented this child over the past almost 20 years. If I had a dollar for all the times he made statements like, I hate myself, nobody likes me, I am a loser, or I can't, I would be a wealthy woman. But your voice of truth continued to speak through the darkness in his heart. You are the only voice and your truth is the only truth that shatters lies and outshines darkness in the soul.Thank you for that Sweet, Holy, Faithful, Unchanging Father.
As Honor Academy graduates continued to sing you gave me the snapshot glimpses of his life from the little bulge in my belly that I almost chose a devastating end to before life outside of the womb existed for him, to his little chubby person cuddly small and changing the world for the better with his captivating brown eyes and innocent smile. To his awkward big tooth stage where he began to question himself, to the unsure- unsteady middle schooler who hated himself, to the 14 year old who felt brokenness... I wasn't sure he would recover from... who turned his back on God while anger and bitterness posed as a faithful friend to him. But Lord you never relented even when he did, even when I did. I saw the boy the day he turned into a man face to face forgiving his father and how healing rushed into his burning up soul. I saw a young man dealing with hurt so heavy on his shoulders and you taking that hurt as he gave it over to you. I saw a man fall in love more deep and wide than it ever had been with a Savior who was now so real and relevant to all he is. And now I see a mighty Man of God, because he has and is dying to himself, the lies that tried to take him. I see a man who has learned that he is wrong sometimes and authority is good. I see a man who looks to others above himself sacrificially..that is an example to me. I see a man who has a calling on his life, a direction and purpose as you pursue him for full-time mission work. I see a man who does not want to be distracted even with a married relationship in order to be solely focused on kingdom agenda. I see the man that I prayed for so many years for that little baby, toddler, boy, teenager to become. Far from perfect he is, but looking to perfection as he fixes his eyes on You, Jesus, The Author and Perfecter of his faith.
And so my mama heart that has been full of questions, worry, doubt, uncertainty, the ever flowing "what-if's" pacing inside, is now full exploding with ceaseless praise to You Good King! Yes I was proud of my son, it's remarkable if you have lived closely inside his story to see this slow; yet sharp transformation in his life, but I knew it wasn't him it was You. So as the mama you have allowed me to be fulfilling my deepest heart's longing, if anything I boast; I boast about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who makes the impossible possible to all who call upon his name. The one who loves boundlessly without end, who pursues consistently, yet who does not force but opens the path to follow or to go one's own way. Thank you Logan for following your Savior's way. Thank you Holy Spirit of the Living God for filling us up on the inside so that we can choose to die daily and follow you.
Lord Jesus, Take the glory, renown and praise for all of this, I celebrate today. Yes Lord I wanted to as a human mama pack him up in the van as I said my weeping good-bye yesterday and still protect and effect him like when he was little. But I know that is not best. So I still pray for this child you have allowed in my life Lord Jesus, King of Kings and Lord of Lord's the one who counts the hairs on our heads, calls out the starts by name, numbers the grains of sands on the beaches and yet still knows our name and calls us friend. Do more than I can dream, hope for, pray or imagine in my son Logan Michael. I do not pray for safety; I pray for your glory inside his life for where your glory is is the safest place he can be. I do not pray for earthly riches as normal as it may seem to my American life and the tangible; I pray for heavenly treasure that nothing will destroy for him in eternity, I do not pray for accolades or degrees of paper unless you see fit but I pray that through Your life inside of him names may be written in the Lamb's Book of Life, I pray that your Glory in His life will captivate others to die in order to truly live. I declare him a Child of the Most High King who darkness cannot touch, where lies must not infiltrate and where truth will continually set him free. I thank you Lord that even though he may suffer, he has victory in You and the work of the Cross completes whatever life trials he may walk. I thank you that You that lives inside of him are greater than the one who lives in this world. Satan you are bound up. I thank you Satan for hating my son because of all the life-giving power of Jesus that flows out of him...It will continue and you have no power up against the mighty name of Jesus we trust and love. And heavenly father thank you for all the unseen you have completed in my son's deepest places things that you have done for him that we are both unaware of.
I give him over again to you he was never mine. I hold him loosely and lead him once again to my Great King. May you be his measuring stick of holiness, his grace card of forgiveness, the good medicine as his healer and the joy of his heart. Now and forever more. Thank you Jesus. Your good. Amen.
Thank you for showing yourself the faithful one, the consistent one, the One we can trust.
I stood at my oldest son's graduation hearing his class belt out the old hymn "Take My Life and Let it Be" They chose it as their class song. Sang it on the mission fields all over the world. Sang it on bus trips to while ministering to youth around the country, sang it in the morning after corporate exercise, sang it during days of fasting, days of celebrating and now they were singing it as their send off to go into the world; after taking a year to ground their adult lives in Christ, be disciplined and trained, and to set apart Christ as Lord as they sought his purpose and plan for each of their futures. They became a family over that year. Hearing the words ring out through young hearts unified-passionately with everything they had while electric guitars and drums brought the 1874 written lyrics in tune with their generation; put my mama heart to the top of the brim and overflowing.
(Honor Academy's School of Worship Link to song)
...Take my life, and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love;
Take my feet, and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing
Always, only, for my King;
Take my lips, and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold:
Not a mite would I withhold;
Take my intellect, and use
Every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will, and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine;
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store;
Take myself, and I will be,
Ever, only, all for Thee...
The hurt, pain, toil, the dark days, the teaching and training and reteaching and retraining that never seemed to end sometimes was all worth it seeing You Lord had brought him to this moment in time. You helped me through as a mom not having a clue as to what to do most of the time. But just squeaking out those help me prayers, "Holy Spirit speak through me," as I parented this child over the past almost 20 years. If I had a dollar for all the times he made statements like, I hate myself, nobody likes me, I am a loser, or I can't, I would be a wealthy woman. But your voice of truth continued to speak through the darkness in his heart. You are the only voice and your truth is the only truth that shatters lies and outshines darkness in the soul.Thank you for that Sweet, Holy, Faithful, Unchanging Father.
As Honor Academy graduates continued to sing you gave me the snapshot glimpses of his life from the little bulge in my belly that I almost chose a devastating end to before life outside of the womb existed for him, to his little chubby person cuddly small and changing the world for the better with his captivating brown eyes and innocent smile. To his awkward big tooth stage where he began to question himself, to the unsure- unsteady middle schooler who hated himself, to the 14 year old who felt brokenness... I wasn't sure he would recover from... who turned his back on God while anger and bitterness posed as a faithful friend to him. But Lord you never relented even when he did, even when I did. I saw the boy the day he turned into a man face to face forgiving his father and how healing rushed into his burning up soul. I saw a young man dealing with hurt so heavy on his shoulders and you taking that hurt as he gave it over to you. I saw a man fall in love more deep and wide than it ever had been with a Savior who was now so real and relevant to all he is. And now I see a mighty Man of God, because he has and is dying to himself, the lies that tried to take him. I see a man who has learned that he is wrong sometimes and authority is good. I see a man who looks to others above himself sacrificially..that is an example to me. I see a man who has a calling on his life, a direction and purpose as you pursue him for full-time mission work. I see a man who does not want to be distracted even with a married relationship in order to be solely focused on kingdom agenda. I see the man that I prayed for so many years for that little baby, toddler, boy, teenager to become. Far from perfect he is, but looking to perfection as he fixes his eyes on You, Jesus, The Author and Perfecter of his faith.
And so my mama heart that has been full of questions, worry, doubt, uncertainty, the ever flowing "what-if's" pacing inside, is now full exploding with ceaseless praise to You Good King! Yes I was proud of my son, it's remarkable if you have lived closely inside his story to see this slow; yet sharp transformation in his life, but I knew it wasn't him it was You. So as the mama you have allowed me to be fulfilling my deepest heart's longing, if anything I boast; I boast about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who makes the impossible possible to all who call upon his name. The one who loves boundlessly without end, who pursues consistently, yet who does not force but opens the path to follow or to go one's own way. Thank you Logan for following your Savior's way. Thank you Holy Spirit of the Living God for filling us up on the inside so that we can choose to die daily and follow you.
Lord Jesus, Take the glory, renown and praise for all of this, I celebrate today. Yes Lord I wanted to as a human mama pack him up in the van as I said my weeping good-bye yesterday and still protect and effect him like when he was little. But I know that is not best. So I still pray for this child you have allowed in my life Lord Jesus, King of Kings and Lord of Lord's the one who counts the hairs on our heads, calls out the starts by name, numbers the grains of sands on the beaches and yet still knows our name and calls us friend. Do more than I can dream, hope for, pray or imagine in my son Logan Michael. I do not pray for safety; I pray for your glory inside his life for where your glory is is the safest place he can be. I do not pray for earthly riches as normal as it may seem to my American life and the tangible; I pray for heavenly treasure that nothing will destroy for him in eternity, I do not pray for accolades or degrees of paper unless you see fit but I pray that through Your life inside of him names may be written in the Lamb's Book of Life, I pray that your Glory in His life will captivate others to die in order to truly live. I declare him a Child of the Most High King who darkness cannot touch, where lies must not infiltrate and where truth will continually set him free. I thank you Lord that even though he may suffer, he has victory in You and the work of the Cross completes whatever life trials he may walk. I thank you that You that lives inside of him are greater than the one who lives in this world. Satan you are bound up. I thank you Satan for hating my son because of all the life-giving power of Jesus that flows out of him...It will continue and you have no power up against the mighty name of Jesus we trust and love. And heavenly father thank you for all the unseen you have completed in my son's deepest places things that you have done for him that we are both unaware of.
I give him over again to you he was never mine. I hold him loosely and lead him once again to my Great King. May you be his measuring stick of holiness, his grace card of forgiveness, the good medicine as his healer and the joy of his heart. Now and forever more. Thank you Jesus. Your good. Amen.
His Promise Fulfilled. His truth that will not return void.
Isaiah 61:1-11
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
5 Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 And you will be called priests of the Lord,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
5 Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 And you will be called priests of the Lord,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.
7 Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.
8 “For I, the Lord, love justice;
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”
10 I delight greatly in the Lord;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.
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