Wreck Me Again

Here I sit once again teetering between two worlds.  One world where my guard is down and my schedule is open. A world where I am not obsessing over calories and getting my workout in. A world less familiar yet so easy to embrace.  A world where surrender comes and I freely jump into the beautiful mess of 28 broken orphans climbing on me; lifting there tiny arms communicating the need to be held.  This world is where I don't even think about myself or I think of myself considerably less.  I stink. I haven't showered for a couple of days, haven't touched my make-up in even longer and am not too worried about the bags under my eyes. We run out of water and power on Christmas Eve night yet it doesn't stop the excited hearts anticipating Christmas day.

My known world would look so much different, I would look so much different.  Christmas Eve night in that world usually consists of a thoughtfully put together festive outfit with flawless make-up.  An array of appetizers and baked goods more than my heart could desire, and a nicely organized church service perfectly planned with Christmas hymns and twinkling lights and ending with candles and Silent Night. And there are parts of that world that I love and hold dear and yearn to bring here to this world thinking it will make them better. And I do. Pack my traditions in my suitcase: a favorite children's book, cookie cutters, and candy ingredients, and lots of sprinkles. It's a fun time bringing a bit of my world to theirs; watching little fingers cut out dough and plopping frosting on, then overdosing on the sprinkle factor; something that some had never done before or even heard of. My first instinct is to think how deprived they are but my mind stops mid track and reverses the thought maybe I am the deprived one. Maybe my world, the world of strict schedules, constant distraction, materialism, and technology is the deprived world.

A train wreck yet again. Here as I sit and contemplate the differences with a constant yearning to return to them.  Because there the gospel is thick and rich and you feel yourself smack dab in the middle of God's heart and passion as I walk into the preschool boys room before bed; an unrehearsed chorus of little voices cry out, "Pray for me." I walk up to a bed as a little hand reaches out for mine.  Between deep swallows I choke back my tears. I plead with heaven for this boy to know how special he is, how loved by God he is, and how intricately known he is by his True Father who is drawing him to himself. As I pray I am blessed by the strength of this child and angered by sin. The sin of others selfishness, greed, addictions, abuse, and neglect that brought this innocent child to a place where he pleads with a white stranger to put him to sleep and kiss him on the forehead. It is there that I can't imagine how God's heart must have broken when he looked out over time before he even created it and saw the destruction we would cause ourselves through sin and yet he created us anyway.  He decided to be Father to those who would believe on His name and there in that moment as I stand by this child's bed wanting to weep over the fact that his mother is not standing here in my place to pray over him each night. It become crystal clear our need for Christmas...Jesus....Savior.  Because it really is that desperate for all of us. The life journey and situations are all different and in my world they are usually masked behind money and "Hi How are are you, I'm good," smiles, yet they are all the same, broken helpless people in need of a rescue from others sin and oppression, their own, and the evil rattlings of the Evil one's influence, tied to the selfish me world all around. Here it is raw, bare naked and easy to spot whether through the pitter patter of motherless and fatherless children prancing about me for eight days, or stepping unto the trash dump as birds circle overhead and dogs hunt about for scraps while we shake the filthy hands of those who call this place home, their front yard is a stinky quilt of patchwork trash; opened and sorted through garbage bags.  Their home is scraps of metal, boards, tarp and cardboard.  They wake up each morning to the buzzing of flies and the crawling of maggots. Another day to sort for what can be sold and what can be eaten. The desperate need for Jesus is evident unmistakeable as the rich white man hands out small bags of rice and peas and it is not making me feel good about anything at all.  I want to sit down and find out what led them to life at the dump. Were their hands the tiny hands that reached out for someone to pray for them at night and no one came? Where they the little ones who pranced about motherless and fatherless and they were not taken to a safe haven such as The Robin's Nest children's home but instead sold a lie that the only way was to beg and steal.  The only solution was to smoke or drink your abandonment away, I want to know how a life can end up making the trash of others their home and not knowing a way out. The pondering once again leads me to the fact that we are all living in a trash dump storing up treasure where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, a place where everything is rubbish except knowing Christ. Those truths are clear here.  Knowing Jesus. Running to his heart reaching out my tiny desperate filthy hands communicating my need to be held in his forgiving arms just as the little ones did to me.  And it is there where the worlds collide where brokenness is on a tiny mountain in the middle of an island just as much as it is inside my home in the middle of the Midwest. Then the beauty occurs throughout the week as I watch the motherless and fatherless dance, and laugh and make silly faces, and belt out worship...and I mean belt. It.Out.Out.  In the middle of their brokenness.  It is there that the beauty of a Savior is just as bare naked and evident as the brokenness. That the truth of the promise in the gospel is seen. I see the trades of beauty for ashes. Strength for fears.  Gladness for mourning. Hope for despair.  It is there that no one and nothing can shake what has been settled in my soul many years ago.  Jesus the Author and Perfecter of our faith allows us to not just eek out worship but puts hope in our hearts in the middle of a messed up, broken down, sin filled world, to boldly and unashamedly worship just like the tiny ones living on the mountain lapping up His love everyday at The Nest. It is there that I step deeper into the journey of discipleship.  Hearing the call once again loud and clear to Follow Him.  Into the places that break his heart and move his heart so much to have given his son to repair all the wounded.  It is there that I see Jesus in them and hopefully they too have seen Him in me. 

I Kissed a Girl and I liked It

On a dreary Sunday afternoon in the fall. In the rain. In Iowa, not in Boston. I, without thought, took her face and held them inside my hands and kissed her.

What compelled this?

Instant tragedy. It was the call that no one is ever prepared for. A new friend was dealt the card of instant tragedy.  Heart wrenching loss on planet earth. A loved one there in one moment, expected to be there in the future ones, but ripped out in the next.  Ditching the afternoon nap we anxiously headed to the hospital.

What do you say? What do you do?  Use the empty over-used phrases, "I'm sorry for your loss, He's in a better place, Can I pray for you, I will be praying for you, and at least he didn't suffer"  Hell no. That would be like putting a band-aid on the bleeding out jugular.

Helpless.

There was nothing that I knew to do or say, no website, no app, no prayer, no recipe...all I knew was to just go. And so we went.  Unprepared.  Without words. Or any idea how to comfort.  A quick, "Jesus be yourself in us 'cuz we have no idea what to freaking do," prayer was lifted to heaven on the short, yet this moment seemingly long, drive to the emergency room. We pulled into the hospital parking lot. I nearly threw the door open, which sent me into a feeling that I was in one of those badly made LMN movies, before my husband had time to stop.  She was standing outside the hospital hovered over in the drizzling rain, smoking, and trying to call family and friends between gut wrenching sobs.

As I went to her, I continued to feel I was living out some script that had been written for me; one that I just knew, but had never read.  All fear literally left. I began walking towards her, a purpose driven walk that turned into an all out run.  I was compelled to run to her.  Something in me had to run to her.  I reached her and I didn't even think what to do, I just grabbed her tiny face in my hands and looked into her desperate eyes oozing with shock and grief; desperate for relief.  I kissed her forehead, and held her close as her entire body sobbed from the depths of her shattered soul.

It was just love. Pure. Holy. Untainted. Self-less. Abandoned. Confident. Jesus Love.

A week later, I'm reliving this moment in my mind. Processing. At first I laughed a little thinking of me kissing another woman. Then the whole moment becomes beautiful as the Lord sparks my mind to wonder....

What if I loved like that in all situations.  Took off the expectations, the fear of rejections, the judgements, the self-protection, and preservation, the saving face, the pretenses of... what will others think of me, the need to be polished, and planned, and well spoken, what if it was just raw and real and authentic. The loving in the dailyness, the scheduled, the chaotic, over taskedness of everyday.

What if I woke up every morning and greeted my family with that milk chocolate love? And kept the chocolate fountain of love flowing all day everyday? That love that has no expectations, no ulterior motives, no desire except to love.  What if the love that naturally flowed out of me to others ran to brokenness and didn't avoid it? What if it the love I gave out daily was confident to hold another's face in my hands and kiss their forehead in the rain for all the world to see? What if I didn't just love like that when it was critical and life and death was involved?

What if we all loved like that and it was regular, habitual, "normal?" How different would life be if we valued humans with that deep; unscripted... abandoning-self- love...Jesus kind of love...You see because in all reality it wasn't me who kissed the forehead of the grieving woman outside the ER doors, it was Him. For those who are in Christ, who have chosen the path that trades our guilty sentence of sin, for his live, he also promises to have His Spirit, the Holy Spirit, come and live on the inside of us.

And it has to be Him when we love that way. It has to. I am epically selfish, constantly self protecting, and for sure don't have a habit of kissing girls unless they are family. My nature is contrary to His. His is pure, constant, always right, always true, always just, and His love doesn't seek it's own way.

My love mostly seek it's own way.

My love loves me more than the broken world around me. My love wants my life to be orderly, pretty, polished, and blessed, my love wants others to think I have it all together.  My love doesn't want to roll up its sleeves and get messy in grief, in brokenness, in poverty, in sin..whether it be my own or God forbid someone else.  My love wants what is best for me and the furthering of my woman made kingdom.

Thanks be! Clearly I have been taken to the side of grace. Only through Jesus. Him. Only Him. That's so why Jesus said in the bible if anyone wants to come after me he must deny himself take up his cross and follow me. So basically he's saying. I need to die, that me- loving, limited- love- to- you woman, needs to have the air sucked out of her.  I need to embrace my tool of execution (take up my cross) and follow Him.  Follow him where?  To life.  He's not going to suck the selfish sin infested, comfortable christian with church pew butt life out of us and leave us hanging..We are going somewhere...Where?

To Love. To Him.  To His Heart. And that's where we find it. The place where we kiss a hurting soul, where we gaze upon our newborn sleeping and touch the still innocent skin and heaven comes and floods you with an eternal moment that you capture forever, where you love a smelly homeless person, hold an orphan as she wipes her snotty nose on your clothes. Where you enter a blind, wreaking, and hungry bed-ridden man's home; working hard at his earth exit- yet you worship with him and the Glory of the Lord fills his one room home and you see him as the richest man you have ever known.  It's where you Go as Jesus has said; to visit orphans, to bring His glory and love to them and one of them ends up kneeling beside you and washing your feet.  The place where your soul weeps at it's utter failings of holiness and repent with groans only to find it more, thick Jesus love flowing for you in your pile of crocodile tears. The place that compels and burns a desire in you; not for the bling bling in the word that is the constant carrot in front of you, but for the unseen, the forever, promises to come that involve the now of faith and sacrifice and humility.

This love runs into darkness.  This love dies on a cross after being beaten so brutally there is no  recognition.  This love hangs there and keeps loving with every human heart beat that has ever been or will ever be on his mind until it is finished.  This love that stays pinned to nails with mocks and jeers from humanity; when the holy breath in him could wipe them all out.  This love pleads with His Father to forgive them.  This love that breathed a last human body breath, descended into hell, and retrieved the keys of sin and death.  This love that didn't end at death; but everlasting life.  Jesus Love.

That is it. My spin on love as it has been worked out in my life recently....but even better..His Word here it goes...Dig into it like a piece of chocolate cake.  Eat it up and digest it. May it give you a love energy that will change the world, or at least yours...

The Way of Love

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 (The Message)

Pigs or People?

In Matthew 8:28-34, Jesus arrives in a town called Gadarenes. There were two demon possessed men that lived in tombs and were so violent that people could not even pass that way.  Jesus reaches into their darkness and before he even says anything the demons cry out through the men, trembling and asking him, “What do you want from us Son of God?”  Begging him, that if he is going to send them out of the men to send them into the herd of pigs that was feeding in the distance. So he does that. And the whole herd of pigs goes running off the steep bank and into the water where they all drowned.  The men tending to the pigs witnessed this whole crazy situation, went into town, and told all the people what had just happened. One would think that the people’s response would be gratitude and thankfulness to get these violent possessed men from being feared in their town. But the response from the town is the opposite of that. They plead with Jesus to leave. Why would they do this?  One reason is they didn’t want to deal with their own “demons,” they were worshiping false gods. Gods they could control and make their own rules with. The other reason is that those pigs were someone’s lively hood and they were upset that it had been cut off.  Fearful that they would not have provision. One would think that the town would embrace the healing and the miraculous, breathing a sigh of relief for the men of their town and the safety of their families. One would think that a revelation of the Son of God would cause these idol worshipers to turn from their man-made false gods and to a living breathing worker of miracles. But they didn’t.  They valued statues more than God Almighty and pigs more than people.  

How about you? How about me?  God is revealing so much to my heart about what I value and where I place him.  So much in my life is changing right now and I want to most of the time run back to a comfortable place that is simple and safe, where I am naive and I don’t have the information I have now. Just like the people of Gadarenes when Jesus came to their town.  That is what my humanity wants to do. Beg Jesus to leave things the way they were.

Change.

Is.

Hard.

As I was praying today I heard the Lord say, “It’s OK to feel uncomfortable, just let the change happen anyway.  Change came with the fall that is why humans struggle so much with it. When I created the world it was perfect. Nothing needed change. It was right. It was good. It was pure and holy. But when sin came all that was right went wrong. Now you as a follower of Jesus are being changed. It began with a belief, a prayer, a decision but that was the beginning. The beginning of changing you into the perfected image of your original design, made in the image of Me.  I am regenerating you, refurbishing you, making you into what you were always meant to be; perfect. But you have flaws. And life has turns. And so things change. It’s painful. Painful to leave what you once found fulfillment and comfort in. Painful to say good- bye, painful to let go and do something different, leave a behavior that was a habit of routine. The process though painful is beautiful from my view point.  I am smoothing out your rough spots, I am tearing away what you can see and taste and touch and control so that you can trust only me.  I am teaching you the way of wisdom. Will you walk in wisdom’s way and become like Jesus?”

So I say, once again “Yes, Lord Jesus. Change me. Change my heart. Make me more like you. Make me free of controlling my life and those I love most, help me to not live yearning for the simplicities of the past - when I was unaware of the things that break your heart and naive about what it truly means to be a follower of Jesus. Help me through the power of the Holy Spirit embrace the change; embrace the breaking down and building back up. Embrace the miraculous and unexplainable things in my life, my family and ministry. Help me to value human life, every human life, over even my own lively hood. Help me to serve and embrace you as the Living, Sovereign, and Holy God that you are and inviting all you want to do to change my heart, my home, my town, my state, my county, and this world I call home for now.

Until Perfection comes.

Thank you Jesus that there will be a day when change will be no more. There will be a day when we will, in a moment, be forever changed and perfected and with you, the only Unchanging One.  Thank you for always being right, good, pure, just, holy, and loving.  Even when I wrestle and refuse you, even when I fear what you’re doing in me to make me like you. Thank you that my actions, feelings and fears never cause you to flinch or wavier.  Thank you for being my Strong, Steady Father. I do not beg you to leave, I beg you to invade…..

16....

I thought I was the one who had planned it.  Sixteen years when I scheduled July 4^th to be your birth induction.  The doctor was on call over the holiday and asked if I would like to come in I guess if he had to work on the holiday he wanted to make it worth his while, when I arrived early that morning there were already 5 induced women in front of me (You beat all the other babies into the world, that should have been our first clue). Yeah, I thought the doctor, your dad and I had your life entrance all planned out.  After 16 years of raising you, I realize that your birth on July 4^th was never my plan. It was planned out in your DNA, in your very cells, your creator created you...A Firecracker.  Dynomite.  Fireworks.  A Sparkler.  A beautiful light display of who He is; that leaves everyone going ohhh and ahhhh, or takes us all by surprise with a big boom, each time he ignites a fire in you and shoots his power of light through the humanity of your life...

Where should I begin...maybe at the very design of your hair....it in and of itself was like a brown fuzzy explosion on the top of your head since day one, I washed it combed it, moussed, it gelled it, petted it down, blow dried it down, put a hat on it to confine it, yet each time within moments that hair would shoot straight up! People would stop all the time to ask to touch your hair, with one lady even asking me is your baby wearing a wig?  What? Is my baby wearing a wig, yeah I bought it and the baby wig store down the street with. All. The. Other. Moms. Who. Put. Baby. Wigs. On. Their. Child's. Heads???!!! God was definitely showing off with your light socket do. (Had your first haircut at three months)

Oh and your personality.....Fireworks again...coming forth so early...we have constantly been on our toes never knowing what new thing you might be dreaming up...what new phrase is going to come fourth out of you to make your audience laugh....one that sticks out clearly in my mind was when you were four years old.  We were driving home from a 24 hour non-stop road trip in a compact rental vehicle after ours broke down. Your younger brother had shooting diarrhea and was projectile vomiting we were crammed in this car like sardines with seashells and floaties piled on our laps. It was the middle of the night or middle of the morning. We were in a mad sprint to get home and get your brother to the doctor. You had a very difficult time sleeping in cars, not to mention cars chucked full of souvenirs, seashells, and floaties. Long story short and minus a few dramatics, you had been asking your dad and I continuous questions as usual to trying to keep the conversation going so you wouldn’t fall asleep. We stopped for gas and you were dancing around wanting to get out of the vehicle.  Mama had come to the end of herself about eight hours before, and in a loud sigh of Jesus please help me not hurt this child, I exclaimed, "Collin you are just soooooooo..." and with your cheesy little grin, in a high pitched voice, with the goofiest eye roll and head motion, you exclaimed waving your chubby little hands around in circles on either side of your head, "Psycho!" everyone in the car minus your sick little brother laughed so hard we cried. 

By the time you reached kindergarten I had given you your own mottos ....you see were the kid that no matter how late you went to bed you were up with the sun or before it. (As I type this I just want you to know it's early but the sun has you by 2 hours now, 16 is doing its thing.) The mottos are: "How can you sleep when your this much fun!" and "I am the party."

The spark of being an entrepreneur...Nobody has ever needed to "light a fire" under you (well at least  not in this category) to get out there and do something. Since you were about seven you have been an idea man with the goal of your ideas profiting you.  When you received a small motorized motorcycle for your seventh birthday the next thing we know, you are across the street in the school parking lot charging neighbors and any passers by a quarter a ride.  You exploded through the front door with that big irresistible grin on your face along with two big drooping pockets jingling and stuffed full of quarters!

Stink bombs!... (loud sound of clearing my throat…6^th grade)Yeah you know what I’m talking about. Enough said.

Dynamite…Have seen you so filled with hurt, pain, and anger, at the tragedy’s you’ve had to face already. Just when I thought you would blow…Jesus came.  One night in your room alone and you surrendered. To him. That was a big corner on your manhood GPS.  I will never forget that conversation you had with your dad and I and the letter you wrote and your commitment to follow Jesus. I still have it and read it every now and then. The Dynamite didn’t explode into destruction instead….

It became beautiful.  The light show began.  Stating your weakness and standing up and asking for help to be homeschooled. Learning servant hood in Jamaica and loving God’s kids at the Nest, learning how to not bully and bug your brothers ad deep repentance for the hurt you caused them, having your heart wrecked for the least of these in Africa, honoring your grandparents, and God opening you up with a love and determination for hard work.

In the middle of it all we thought the light show might be short when we heard the words… brain herniation. Chiari Malformation.  Brain surgery.  As a mom I had never been put into that position.  Having to tell you that beautiful fall afternoon as we all met at what we thought would be a joyous occasion exploring our new house.  That was the lowest. My words were jumbled. No eloquence.  No poetic way of stating this to you. And the look of panic and fear in your eyes as the tears rolled down, I wanted to just scoop you up and go tell those Doctors, and God that it needs to be me and not you. But I couldn’t.  No matter how hard I tried. Or willed or bargained. It was your journey. Your brain. Your life.  So I did the only thing that a mama can do. Gave you back. To your Creator. Acknowledging His sovereignty over your life, your brain and its herniation.  I surrendered of any control over you saying he’s yours Lord, he was never mine in the first place.  I said yes to whatever would most glorify Jesus. Whether suffering, death, healing through human care and intervention, or the miraculous breath of God moving the herniation. God gave two yeses from those flat on my face sob and moan prayers. You had surgery and God used a human, but he over took his hands.  Proof was when the medical report came in the mail. I scanned through lots of technical medical terms but there was one phrase that jumped off the document, “The brain seems to have ascended on its own.”..We know better.  That day I saw the bravest boy I’ve ever known.  The outcome of that day made all of our faith in Jesus increase.  We thought our hearts would burst with adoration and praise. 

The weeks prior to surgery you would randomly ask, “Mom what if I don’t remember you when I wake up?”  I couldn’t bear that thought. I always replied each time, even if you don’t remember me I will remember you.  When the nurse called us back for the first time to see you after surgery I wondered the same thing and “Prayed Lord Jesus let him know us.” You opened your eyes just a little and your dad and I held each of your hands. You squeezed so hard as a big crocodile tears rolled down your cheeks.  The tears rolled down ours too, you were alive and you knew us.  Within a few hours we all knew the Collie Bear we know and love back was back when Logan came to stand beside your bed.  You opened your eyes a little going in and out most of the afternoon.  Logan said a few kind, encouraging words and held your hand.  You whispered, “Logan come closer,” while reaching for and twisting his nipple. Yep all brain functions and personality traits were intact no more neurological tests were needed to prove that.

The light show is heating up in you. You are taking a big step into manhood as you turn 16.  I charge you to live out your purpose well. Use the giftings and abilities, not for your own gain and success, but for Christ alone. It is my prayer for you, Collin Joshua that your rambunctious, 100 mile an hour personality full of new ideas and adventure will never be contained. I learned long ago it was impossible.  But that it may be channeled into a laser focus of Jesus. May His Living Water be the only fuel to ignite your soul, may you choose his great faithfulness and mercy that is new for you every morning. May you be faithful in the small things so that the Lord can entrust you with the true riches of His kingdom.  I do not pray for the safety of your life but that you may live in the center of the Lord’s will, the “safest” place to be. I pray that you will learn everyday to lose your life in order to truly find it. Through sacrificial living. Dying to yourself daily, taking up your cross, and following. Through servanthood. This is one of your finest giftings. And by laying down your life for your brother. I pray that your hands and feet will walk into dark places around the world bringing his light. I charge you to use your entrepreneurial spirit to create wealth that feeds the hungry, gives shelter to the poor, and allows the gospel to be preached to the ends of the earth., I charge you Collin Joshua Foose to always remember the Love of Christ. That you were created to work and be satisfied in your work, yes, but that your work gains you no favor in the eyes of Jesus. You were bought at a price. You are sealed with a promise. God’s love for you is complete only because you follow His son Jesus. You are loved. You are a child of the King. You are a prince of the Most High God, and that makes you Royalty. Listen to His Voice of Truth whisper in your heart and walk you through this hard life. I pray that you use the charismatic spirit, charm, and quit whit to bring others up and attract others to Jesus himself. I pray for you to live authentic and pure in a fulfilling relationship with one wife that she would bring you good and not harm all the days of your life.  I pray that you will always swim against the current of this world even when it feels like it will take you under, and if it does that you will reach for the life preserver of your Savior to carry you safely to shore. I pray that your mind will be filled with the truth that his grace is sufficient for you and his power is made perfect in your weaknesses even able to boast about your weaknesses because that where Christ most fully displays his power in you so you can say when I am weak I am strong. I pray that your life will be an offering and a testimony of truth, Jesus love, and discipleship that others can know and glorify your maker for.  Your life is not perfect and Jesus love and forgiveness flows freely to redeem, teach and regenerate you into his disciple as you continually throw off the sin that tries to entangle you. Live in that forgiveness everyday of your life. Do not believe the lies of the evil one.

Happy 16th Birthday Collin Joshua. I am proud of you. In my mama heart I would like to keep you little and planning crazy stuff only in the back yard forever. I can’t.  I will hold every memory of my little boy as a treasure in my heart. No matter where God sends you into this world you always have home right here with me. As much as I would like to tell you to say stay, I charge you to get ready and GO! Love you forever, Like you for always, As long as I’m Living, My Baby You will be! Love You Everlasting…MaMa

Let's Talk About Sex

 Hopefully that got your attention…

With the events happening in our state recently, with two precious girls being abducted in Dayton, Iowa and the opening of a “theatrical arts club”; The Loft in Corwith, Iowa 8 weeks ago (named theatrical arts so you don’t have to keep any clothes on while stripping for patrons)where women are being trafficked in from Minneapolis and then stripping most of the night and being prostituted out in hotels the remainder of the night, we are all waking up to the fact that this is not just happening in the cities; New York, Chicago, San Diego etc…This is a time for a shift in our thinking Iowa. (And anyone out there reading)

 I never really understood why in the bible it states often “flee from sexual immorality “the bible states “to make a covenant with God with your eyes for guys to not look lustfully at a woman”…I used to think it was just another of the don’ts on the list one of which I have not always done.  I have been enlightened to my naive thinking…It begins with one look, and then another, one act and then another…and when given into its full forge turns into hideous twisted and perverseness like we are seeing in our communities…People are not born having this monstrous behavior of hideousness only the capability. All of us are born with the capability of doing evil and we all have done it. It’s called sin. When fully indulged in this nature with hardened hearts to God’s love it gets ugly; that ugly. What can we do about this?

Surrender. We are incapable of become good enough human beings, let’s face it we have all fallen short in the area of sexual purity, I know I have.  And God didn’t say flee from it so you never have sex, God created sex he wants us to enjoy it under the right conditions of a committed marriage.  When we use sexuality and or bodies in a loose matter is when the lights begin to go out.

 Not all at once.  For guys it can be one look at a girl with little clothes on and then another on TV, Facebook, then a little porn, then a little more, then when given fully over adultery, a night at the club, and then a paid night and soon you’re hooked. The perverseness goes to these hideous places of rape, sexual abuse to others, human trafficking and abductions. 

For women it’s a little romance novel, a little fantasy in the mind a little thought about him and before you know it your making slightly flirtatious conversation with him,  meeting with him and then your living in the gray and life is torn in two. It’s giving our self away, thinking we are going to get love and only getting used time after time. It desensitizes us and soon we are the victims of sexual abuse, rape, or worse (sometimes we are the victims when have never been exposed or let our guard down). Statics state one in three women are victims of sexual abuse…

We must surrender to something greater than our self.  To Jesus, who came because he saw what the evilness of sin in humans would do to each of us preciously created in his image. He died for the hideousness that is happening to Kathlynn Shepard and the girls who will dance tomorrow night at The Loft, and the guys who will throw money at them.  He died for me when I dishonored my marriage vows, He died for you.  But he didn’t stay dead he came back to life. And said believe in me I have overcome the world. This dark world of lies, cheating, abuse, neglect, hurt, death, and perverseness…There is a different way.  You don’t have to die in your sin. That is our only out… to call on the name of Jesus and believe in the gift he gave of his life once and for all for payment of every man’s sin.

And then to turn from sin and allow his redeeming love to purify you over the course of the rest of your life. Flee from sexual immorality and live a life of sexual purity having sex and enjoying it the right way.

Ladies…. Do not cause guys in our community to stumble. Stop posting pics of yourself or others that could harm someone struggling. Men are visual they don’t need any help in this area. Honor yourself and the men that you care for by dressing cute and trendy, but appropriately.

Men make a covenant to God with your eyes and ask other men around you for help. Admit if you are struggling with pornography to another trusted true and honest friend, you are not a monster but you are traveling down a road that only leads to the destruction of yourself, the destruction of a healthy sex life, and the destruction of those you love.

Teach your kids to honor their bodies and talk about sex, the right way to have sex...talk about why it’s so important all the time there is a static that boys are beginning to use pornography around the age of 9-10 for the first time and becoming addicted by age 13-14 talk to your boys…A comment one of my boys made when talking about this after talking about why it was necessary to turn off the halftime show during the Super Bowl, “Mom it’s so hard it’s everywhere we go.” This is a battle our sons have to fight everyday they need our prayers, our teaching, our transparent honesty, and our example.

My oldest son called me a couple of nights ago and said., “Mom I know you told us to wait to have sex until we are married and that’s how God made it but you didn’t talk a lot about why we should wait.  I want to talk about these things with you, you need to talk about these things to my brothers. I want to have conversations about this.” He’s 20. He finally said out loud what all children yearn for, (even if they roll their eyes and sigh and it’s awkward)…they want us (not TV, their friends, the internet, or the schools) but us to talk about this with them.

 Moms talk to your sons. You alone have the ability to speak life and truth into their beings, call them out as honorable men, worthy of God’s love and yours, be proud when they do good and obey, encourage, and cheer them on with your words and actions, challenge them and do not settle for mediocrity in your sons; they were made for greatness. They have adventurous spirits and hearts for physical force and battle, challenge them to stop battling virtual battles with their thumbs on a screen and show them what a true battle is…go search for the missing girl, pray for the family as a family out loud, take bug spray to the rescue site, donate money that you would use for yourselves, or find a cause that would interest your son’s heart and show him how to fight the darkness in this world. Trust me on this one seeing your teenage son’s loving on orphans, feeding the hungry, giving to your neighbor will bless you and them over any entertainment you could provide for your family (still go out and enjoy life :)) Be the kind of woman you want him to choose to spend the rest of his life with, so he will have an example to be able to choose well. Repent to your sons your wrong ways of being an example. Be respectful of their father whether you are married to him or not, yeah even if when it’s hard.

Dads dance with your little girls twirl them around, tell them every day of their inner and outer beauty specifically, they need your words of affirmation or they will find it from another, they need the strong protection of your warrior heart love for them or they will search it out in another, they need you to be the example of the man you want to give them to when they become women. They need you to romantically love their mother and honor her. If you are not married to their mother they need you to show honor, sacrificial love to her anyway…yeah bite your tongue until it bleeds and turn the other cheek when necessary, vent to your grown up buddies your frustration but show her honoring love. If you have blown it, it’s not too late, confess tell your girl you’re sorry and start today.

Confess your sexual immorality to the Lord, he forgives, he will not hold it against you. Go through a deep season of healing if the wounds and the addiction runs deep, do the hard thing and flee, turn and keep in turning…Allow the illuminating light of Jesus Christ to shine in your dark places…and then take what was once darkness and is now light to someone who does not yet have it…what will our world, our state, our town, our home look like when we each personally take a stand of surrender and choose this?

(If this has moved you in some way private message me on Facebook would love to hear your heart, and connect, or connect you to resources of healing and transformation, training your kids etc….)