Thoughts & Confessions of a Daddy's Girl

Thoughts & Confessions of a Daddy's Girl

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Warming Up

I am the development director of Wings of Refuge (WOR) http://www.wingsofrefuge.net/ . I recently finished speaking engagements for the year.  Doors opened from amazing people who are willing to look at hard facts.
Sobering statistics.
Darkness.
People unwilling to let it remain just that; numbers, facts, statistics. 
People who were willing to, one by one, believe that they in fact can do something to shine light on the darkness of 27,000,000 slaves in our world today.
Over 25 times this year, without asking a soul, Iowa has invited the message of heartbreak to the issue of sex trafficking into their community, church, circle of influence, organization to over 1,500 people.  But it didn't end there with a message of heartbreak.
The message was…
Overwhelming. 
It scared some of you. 
It burdened you. 
It angered you. 
But you didn't let it end there.
The uncomfortable state lead to a burning motivation in so many. 
Which produced action. 
Caused light to shine.
It lead to so much more…
296 days of offering exploitation to be ended for one more girl
408 safe nights for participants at WOR
10 trained volunteers rolling up their sleeves to get in the messy beauty of suffering
7 staff to aid in consistent restorative and sharing in suffering efforts
 12 monthly donors
1,166 followers on social media
262 people committed to pray as they receive our monthly prayer letter
6 networked professionals that provide specialized services for participants
3 moms who over the course of one month empowered their community to make a home beautiful and designed beauty for the ashes in a tangible way
1 family who purchased a home and rented it back to our organization at a reduced rate
221+ one time financial donors
2 precious and beautiful young women gaining their diploma
1 woman completing her first semester of college
And because of this other organizations from around the country called and asked us…
”What is your marketing plan?”
“What are you doing to gain so much support ?”
Our marketing plan?…
Love.
And Following.
 The one who Loved first.
I’m sorry American culture myself included; I cannot attach the strategic plan that was the first step to action. 
But looking back the plan was there. 
I can only speak for myself and I would love for anyone to comment on what propelled them to take action, be involved whether with a few dollars or their whole live because it all matters greatly, none more than others…
The plan began with a call…
To know my Maker
To know His power
To share in His suffering; the things he had on his mind as he willingly hung on the cross
And that is what I did, what so many did.
Philippians 3:10,11 says it best…” I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death,  if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

There has to be a walking in to the suffering. 

First our own. 
Through the redemptive power of the cross coming in with unmatchable grace to overcome the death in us. Then an invitation to share in the suffering…

To become friends with God.

Some translations use this phrase in Philippians 3:10; the fellowship of sharing in his suffering.  Fellowship can be defined as : friendly association, especially with people who share one's interests, companionship, mutual support, pursuing a shared interest or aim, club, alliance, a brotherhood, a union, a comradeship.

What an honor to know that we can be in a union, a brother/sisterhood, an alliance with the God of the universe to share in suffering. 

Does that mean we all sit around crying and feeling sorry for bad things with God.

Yes.

For a time.  We need to have our hearts broken.  Our skin needs to become thinned until we can feel the suffering with Him.  But we do not remain there. Where it can so often feel like death.  The humanity and evil of the world should sink in so deeply that death would be inviting and that is when we experience it.

Resurrection. 

From the dead.  The light over takes the darkness. The tides turn as the sons and daughters of the Most High King join the alliance of God to share in suffering and instead of the darkness being feared we in fact, with the resurrection in us, become the ones that are to be feared. We are the ones who are now dangerous to the darkness because we have overcome the fear of suffering, of sharing suffering.  We have walked out of complacency, comfort, and the mediocrity religion offers. We have walked into kingdom agenda that offends evil, makes demons tremble, and overtakes darkness.  Sure our humanity will often want to run back into the safety net of the control of the comfortable life we once lived but then we see it. 

The Glory of the Lord. 

New Life. 

Resurrection.  

Even if only a glimmer.  In a question of what if I could overcome?  In a smile. In a head lifting off a pillow yet another day.  In a sacred time of affirming a tattered spirit.  In a weary warrior unwilling to give up on love and overcoming when it seems to be unwanted. In laugh out loud, let it go, moments.  In yet a brave second to almost cry a tear.

This cycle of suffering- turned love action- turned resurrection propels the body of Christ into motion, into family, into an actual believing to the outside world that God truly is love.  It’s the only way.  Not just with ending sex trafficking, but with every evil in our culture today.  We can remain the ones trembling in the corner frozen due to the immense beast of evil around us.  We can be the hypocritical Pharisee who’s attitude comes across as judgment due to our fear of the darkness.

Or we can
Acknowledge. 
Expose.
The darkness for what it is and then…

 Link arms, hearts and hands to act. 

In our own lives…
Who do you need to forgive?
Who do you need to humble yourself with?
Where do you need to be still?
Who do you need to get messy; suffering in transparency with today?
Where do you not trust God, have you told him?
What passion burns most deeply in your soul and how are acting on the burning?

In our marriages…
Where are you uncommitted?
Where are you self- protecting?
Where are you lusting elsewhere?
How can you serve in love without expectation?
What new life will produce true intimacy because of these hard conversations?


In our parenting…
What is the biggest issue in your child’s heart?
How can you suffer with them?
Share your own suffering story with them?
What new life will sprout up?

In our neighborhoods…
Where is the widow?
The orphan?
Where is the need?
Where are hands needed?

In our church…
Can you talk together, why are we here?
Does our worship move the heart of God or are we here to feel good, look good, and because it’s what we have always done?
Is the truth of the gospel getting out or is it just one feel good message after another to gain attendance numbers?
Are you wrestling with one another in deep community or planning the calendar with only fluffy fellowship?
If Christ returned right now would your church be His bride ready or in a frenzy?
Corporately have you come together to allow God to break your heart’s to suffering?
If so what fruit has come out of it for His Glory?
Do you authentically love one another?

In our world…
Ending poverty?
The lost dignity for human life?
Loss of honor for authority?
The death of sex being sacred?
The objectification of women?
The lack of respect for men?
How can suffering in this lead to new life?
What revival and new life could come from walking into the suffering in these areas?

Maybe you are saying sure but I am only one.  For just one minute let’s turn the table and say you are the other one.  The one living in slavery. In poverty. Unwanted.  Unknown.  Unnamed.  What would you want you to do? 

I don’t know how God will move and stir your heart.  I don’t know what your gifting passions and abilities are.  I don’t know the state of your calendar or your bank account or your health or the thoughts that go through your mind.  But you do, and it’s in there.  That one thing that you are called to do. 
Do it.

Sure it might seem crazy, unattainable, and a faraway dream but so did a restoration home for survivors of sex trafficking to me a little over a year ago. The only thing I did was say Yes to suffering.  Say no to being ok with 27,000,000 slaves in the world, God did the rest…

You don’t have to do it all.
 Just do your part.
Do something
And the something from all of us can lead to ending slavery for one more girl until there are no more…

We are just warming up, it has been a whirlwind of God producing fruit year, but we are just beginning to see how light can overcome.

This is exciting!

How are you in?

Think about your part as you watch this video produced by Love146...








Thursday, November 13, 2014

Choosing Up

A slam poetry based on Luke 7:36-50 The Voice (VOICE) 


Terminology to help you out:
·         Choosing up: Going with a new pimp
·         In the life/in the game: being commercially sexually exploited
  • Pimp: Someone who has the control of a human to use them for profit by selling them to others for sex
  • Square: Anyone not in the life/in the game
  • Out of Pocket: Doing something that is not allowed in the life, disobeying your pimp
  • L7: Another way to say square, or close to being square
  • Renegade: Someone who prostitutes their body and is not under the control of a pimp
  • Trick: A human that purchases another human for sex
He was there
on a perfectly planned square night
L7 all around
In the accustomed to them way
So foreign to me
Laying on their bellies
Arms propping up their chests
Reclining forward
at the low table
His feet
the first my eyes spotted
the closest access I had
to Him
I still can't believe I'm here
doing this
It feels reckless
But then it always feels reckless
Reckless is familiar
Not comfortable
Familiar
So hoe I go, crashing the square party
Tonight I am so done
It's do or die
I'm out of options
Options
As if they ever existed
For me
or so it seems
Uninvited
I walk in
All eyes are on me
the town b%$#
Some I recognize
So soon as our eyes connect they quickly look away
guilt
shame
blood running to cheeks they are
to see me here
playing their square game
I wonder inside
Are they shaking now
the way they have so often made me shake
So much in me hopes so

But that is not why I am here
Barging in
Uninvited
Not this time
I walk
I make my way
Hurdling over the reclined
At the square table
I make my way
To him
And it’s instant
I’m choosing this
I’m choosing Him
Unfamiliar
Different
Change
Throat swells
Tightening
I can’ speak
There is a lump cutting off my airway
Felt this before
The squeeze of evil hands
Tightening of rope fibers around my neck
There’s none of that now just the feeling
What is constricting me?
Yet I walk
Unhesitated steps
Eyes focused
Clinging tight to my jar in hand
This jar
Represents
So much
The one thing that has kept me alive
To this point
A friend gift
The only friend
He never cheated me
Sold me
Exploited me
Used me
Friend gift
Treasure
And yet it is the very object
The very thing I fill to entice
Tricks
Dates
Johns
My perfume
In my treasured friend gift
The intoxicating aroma
Arouses
Guides the paper to my hand
Seal the deal
Roll it through
From him to me to him
Different scents have filled
Have aroused
Different aromas
Just like me
Different names
Different ages
Different characters
On point every time
Best actress I know
Am I
Who Am I?
Who?
Even?
Am I?
True me blurry
Buried
Dead sometimes it seems
With still a heartbeat
With still a plastered on smile
To allow you to be ok with me
Cover up
So my pain doesn’t destroy me
So I don’t see my pain written on your face
Because then I too might see it
Feel it
Numb
Strong
Survive
Don’t cry
It’s what I know
Familiar
I arrive reckless me
In the middle of square
At his feet
Throat constricted
Lump bulging
And instantly
I fall
To my knees
The lump
Immediately
Loosens
So quickly
Release
And there is born
Unfamiliar
Tears
Oh God I feel weak
He won’t choose a weak willed B#$$%
I try so hard to stop
The harder I try the worse it becomes
Like a dam broke
It damn broke
I am hear with my enemy tears
That wants to have me
And have me they do right here
In my reckless decision
To choose up with Him
And instinctively I begin
To do what I know
What I am programmed to do
What used to be a fight is not robotic
Routine
Familiar
Entice
I am enticing him
Kissing
His feet
Hopefully faster than my tears are falling
I hate kissing
Affection
Cheap pretend
That leads to the same empty dream
Every damn time
Countless times
And yet I kiss
On his feet
And I begin to wipe
Weak tears falling
Off with my hair
My hair
My other enticing tool
How many have touched it
For their gain
Combed through it with selfish hands
Brushed it off my face
To view slit skin
Purple bruises
Now it’s here
Like a linen cloth
To get rid of my flowing weak tears
Yet here I kneel
Crying
Wiping
Kissing
Then it clicks
In my head I have one more item
One more enticement
The oil
Eyes
Staring
Glaring Piercing
I can feel
Heavy looks
Though I don’t dare look up
Trained
So well
To never look up
My hand identifies
The jar
I pick it up and dump every drop
On his feet
I am so out of pocket
Crazy
Scandalous
Yet
Remaining here
Crying
Wiping
Kissing
Dumping oil
The aroma overtakes the room
Fills the room
And gains the attention of everyone
The scent takes my brain to the place
Where I recall how much it took
How many dates
Tricks
Johns
Penetrations
It took to obtain this now spilled out liquid
Filing through my mind like a film
Of someone’s life
Other than mine
Then I recall why
I purchased the perfume
Someone saw
Me
Someone told
Me
I could choose
Up
Out of the game
Out of the life
No square life
No fake L7
Something real
New
Fresh
Something I had nearly given up on
Someone told
Me
About Him
The aroma in the room over takes my memory and I am back in the present
Square party host opens his hot ego mouth
Says something about this daddy being a fraud
Saying if He knew who was touching Him He would have never let me near
Much less touch
Or Kiss
Him
Oh god
I knew it
Too good to be true
Fairytale hope
Nightmare ending
That how it goes down
Every time
For me
Why
How
Could I be so stupid?
I trusted the messenger
Who told me to come tonight?
Another fool choice
Did I make?
I am frozen
And I want to run
Mind battling
Shame
Guilt
Embarrassment
Weakness
Humility
He speaks
Not to me
But to square host
And says
“Simon, I want to tell you a story”
Story?
Who has time for an f-ing story?
Yet
My ears anxiously anticipate
“Two men owe a certain amount of money”
Oh god here we go
In front of all the squares
The choosing fee
NO!
I just dumped the choosing fee
On Him!
And all that’s left is the scent of it
Filling up the party
I have nothing else
This is my end
Here tonight
Tricks laughing
daddy owning
Hoe guilty and ashamed
Yet He keeps talking
Continues the story
“One owed 100 weeks wages the other owed 10 weeks wages, both defaulted on their loan, yet the lender forgave them both”
What the?
Forgave?
Them…Both?
He speaks
“Here is a question for you. Which one will love the lender more?”
Ego square Simon answers
“I guess the one who had the larger debt.”
And then He moves
Jesus moves
And looks
At me
Or at least I can feel Him looking
At me
Eyes still down
Still locked
In fear
Shame
Guilt
Yet I have to
I must see Him
And my head edges up ever so slightly
Just enough to see his eyes
Oh His eyes
God his eyes
God’s eyes
Frightening as it was
Stilled the rage in me
Filled with wonder
They are staring into all I am
I am
Staring
Into all
I am
Intrigued I become
As they fix on my entire being
In the most unfamiliar of ways
Love
Hope
Worth
Value
Treasure
Capable
Protectable
Kind eyes
Dancing through me
Where I expected abuse
Silence
A tide turning moment
Eyes on me He speaks to Simon
The square party host
And says the line I will never forget
“Do you see this woman?”
He
Just
Called
Me
Woman
He has it all wrong
Its
Bitch
Hoe
Slut
Prostitute
Eye candy
Body parts for profit
Property
Moneymaker
Not woman
Or could it be?
He continues
“Do you see this woman here? It’s kind of funny I entered you home, and you didn’t provide a basin of water for me to wash the road dust off my feet. You did not give me a customary kiss of greeting and welcome.  You didn’t offer me the common courtesy of providing oil to brighten my face. But this woman…”
There it is again
Woman
Heart captured
“But this woman has wet my feet with her tears, and washed them with her hair. She has not stopped kissing my feet since I came in. And she applied perfumed oil to my feet.  This woman has been forgiven much.”
A third time woman
Laced with forgiven
It’s now as if he is the one pouring healing oil
Down into my dead places
Speechless
“I tell you Simon, her sins; her sorrows are so many-they have ALL been forgiven-
She loves much
But a person, who is forgiven little, loves little.”
I’m trying to take it all in
The fact that Jesus
Just used me
The town eye candy
The town Saturday night satisfaction
The small town toss around
As an example of love
Forgiveness
And he keeps going
His eyes still laser focused on me, unaware to the crowd all around
“You’re forgiven”
Leaping
My heart is leaping
Like it found a rhythm that had long ago been lost
I am alive maybe for the first time
There is a rushing inside
Like a river flowing out
The grime
Darkness
Fear
Wounds
Doubts
Lies
I chose up tonight
He cancelled my choosing fee
Unfamiliar feels good for the first time
Now I am not the only one astonished
L7 party turned forgiveness session
The rest are also
Astonished
And asking
“who is this man that goes around forgiving sins?”
He speaks
“Your faith has healed you, freed you; liberated you, go in peace.”
That glimmer of believing in something I could not see
Faith
Led me here tonight
To choose up
For the last time
I choose the one
Who chose me first
He freed me
Gave me life
Whole
Pure
Forgiven
I am chosen
In a right way
Chosen for peace
To go
GO
I am free
I am forgiven
I am chosen
And so I go
Not as a renegade
Not alone
Working
Not without an identity
Not nameless
And YES with  a daddy
Identifiable to someone
Good
Right
Honest
True
The God of all creation
Savior
Rescue
Heavenly Father
That promises not to leave
Or
Forsake
And says to GO
Be free
In His peace
And I will recruit
Those who also have debts
And Lord knows we all have debts
Unpayable
That need to be forgiven
I will go in Peace
To those who need a barge in experience
With Jesus
That allows everything to change
That so desperately needs change
To be chosen
To belong
In FREEDOM


And to GO