You Must Suffer to Be Beautiful

"You Must Suffer to Be Beautiful"

I remember this phrase said over to me by my mother and grandmother as a little girl on many occasions.  Usually it would be the early mornings before school as my mom would comb the tangles that had gathered in my hair from the tossing and turning of the night before.  She would get out the comb and the “No More Tangles” spray and begin the long and grueling process that I hated.  Many occasions I would end up in tears as she combed and sprayed. Eventually the tangles were removed and then she would french braid my hair, tightly weaving my wet locks together to form one or two beautiful braids along my scalp and falling down my back.  The end result was beautiful.  I usually received many compliments on my varied “Pocahontas” hairstyles.  My girlfriends from school would often times come over early so they could have my mom braid their hair everyone liked it so much.  Yes, the end result was beautiful but the process seemed torturous, I may still need therapy to work through the undealt issues of the hair tangle pain someday!

More recently, in fact just yesterday, I was walking through the hallway of the hospital attached to my workplace.  I had chosen to wear my black leather tall boots that day, which have a generous heel on them. My job requires me to be on my feet the majority of the day but for some reason it is extremely difficult for me to wear flat “comfy” shoes.  It could be because I am just a little over five feet tall and feel more confident with the extra boost of height my heeled shoes bring.  Or perhaps it’s the fact that I will feel as if I am giving into the aging process should I “cave” and create a wardrobe of “comfort shoes” for my feet.  But one reason I am sure of I just plain like the fancy little heeled shoes I wear most days.  I am a girly girl and a little pain is worth the pretty.  So as I walked down the hall I crossed paths with a hospital employee.  We exchanged friendly hellos and she said “Joy, how can you wear those heels all day in your job?”  I smiled and said “I think it’s the insanity factor in me.”  And then added, “As my mother always said you have to suffer to be beautiful.”  As I spoke those words about the shallow shoe issue in my life it completely took me back to the early mornings of sitting in the bathroom with my mom while my French braids were created, but as I heard myself speak those words that I had associated with outer beauty, God began to speak to my heart and teach me more about that little phrase.

I Peter 5:10 states, “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever.” 

So this verse is God’s description of that little phrase I heard over and over as a child, “You must suffer to be beautiful.”  I associated the suffering so much with outer beauty, such as uncomfortable clothing, pulling my unaligned eyebrows out with a tweezers, vigorous exercise, obtaining from certain foods so as to keep myself thin, etc..  But over the more recent years I have felt a suffering within due to emotional and spiritual pain caused by living through a huge life trail of adultery in my marriage which led to the uncovering of many deep hurts and personal issues being addressed in my life.  It has been nearly two years of what I would call suffering.  This time has made the tangled hair days seem like cake. The sweet Creator of my days has graciously taken out his fine toothed comb and began to untangle the dysfunction in my life.  He has combed out my twisted thought patterns of negative thinking towards myself, misted my knotted up people pleasing behaviors with a shot of his clear vision of truth, he has meticulously gone over my matted idea of my worth with his sheer voice of truth speaking love over me.  He has examined my heart and tugged away at my snarled attitude of distrust towards him, lovingly explained to me that my tousled idea of his love was incorrect and was not just for the rest of the world it was for me, just as I am or was, tangled, twisted, snarled, tousled, and matted up.  What I learned in that untangling, suffering processing with God I would not trade for anything.  The pain of that uncomfortable time has been worth it all due to the beautiful truths I have found to display in my heart.  The tousled thinking, attitudes, and behaviors have been combed through and now I have orderly, shining, tightly woven spiritual truth tools that I can use in my life.  The rewards of confidence, self worth, acceptance of life as it is, the ability to believe that God’s love is for me, the conquering of so many lies and turning them over to truth has produced strands that have been creatively weaved into a healthy way to live.

I have suffered for a while.  We each suffer at times in our lives but what will we do with the suffering.  Well as they say we all have choices.  We do have a choice regarding what we will do with the suffering in our lives.  Will we allow it to over take us and live a defeated life, believing all the devastation was our fault and their is nothing we can do about it?  Let the root of bitterness and unforgiveness take root within our lives and cause us to live with a scarcity mentality and steal our energy?  Become angry to the unfairness of it all or angry at ourselves for getting so deep into the situation in the first place?  Will we live in a state of denial with a plastic smile staying busy, too busy, so the pain can remain at a distance? Choose to feed our pain with a comforting addiction, you name it, money sex, food, alcohol, drugs, gossip, etc…We have the choice to allow the suffering to keep our lives in a tangled state.  But we have other choices as well.  We have the choice to face the suffering. To take it in feel the pain, cry the tears, and grieve the loss.  We have the choice to confess the sin, process the hurt, dysfunction, and tragedy while allowing a steady trickle of truth and healing to invade and bring the antibodies to fight the sickness that caused suffering to come.  We have the choice to forgive, yes even forgive ourselves; we have the choice to learn new ways of thinking, new ways of believing, and new ways of coping.  We have the choice to run to a loving Savior or run away. 

But if we must suffer and it is for a reason, the reason of beautiful, I choose to believe it is not in vain.  I choose to believe the rest of the promise of I Peter 5:10 that states after the suffering “He Himself will restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.”  I choose to believe that the Creator of the universe who is not bound by time, sin, or space, who is magnificently big and powerful and yet is intimately concerned with my personal life issues, he, himself is making me strong, firm, and steadfast.  I choose to believe that he is completing a restoration process in me, his creation, working hard and refining me, sanctifying me. His fine artistry and craftsmanship are restoring me back to the original state he created humans in; perfect and in His image.

During my suffering state I cried out to friends, family, and God, “Show me someone who is making it!  Show me someone who has been through this tragedy and made it.”  As I write those words my spirit can still sense the deep pain and emotion associated with those statements.  Just yesterday as that phrase ran through my mind God gently spoke to my spirit “You, you are making it. Your friends, your family, divorced, married, or single, they are each making it.  Your journey is yours it is individual, it will not look exactly like someone else’s this is your journey and you child are making it.” I smiled and felt strength in my heart, as I firmly believed the truth spoken in my soul and experienced freedom once again.  The steadfastness of processing pain is beautiful, and I joyfully pranced through the rest of my day in my high heeled shoes.

Romans 8:18 - “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing the glory that will be revealed in us.” (All suffering will one day end for the soul who chooses Christ.  That is the hope that we hold amidst the suffering.)

Come Into The Shack of My Heart

Come into the shack of my heart

I’ve walked this trail for oh so long

With what I had forever gone

Many there at my side

 No longer could I run and hide

The day came clearly into view

When I needed a critical rescue

 Because I had been living fake

 No longer could my weary soul take

 The vice that then was covered in layers

 Became naked one frightening day

The journey took from that place

 I would not have wished on a human soul

The aches

 The burns

 The wounds

That would only grow

Dearer as the days drug on

Winter seemed to have no end

The cold and darkness was all around

Precious friends stayed closely by my side

And breathed hope into my fragile broken state

 As I laid paralyzed

They could only wait 

They held my hand

And shed the tears

Prayed the prayers

 And calmed my fears

Encouraged and showed faith strong

Were the ones who helped me carry on

 Jesus with skin on

Stood in the gap and didn’t flinch

Although there were times I’m sure they wanted to say

 Come on girl and get on your way

 But they remained faithful and true

I believe those women are God’s chosen few

To help this lifeless shell of a woman live through

The time of her own great sadness

And as one said time would tell

And what a tale it tells

The lessons learns while in the madness

The chaos in the soul can bring

The broken girl into her dream

The girl who lay exposed and bleeding one dark day

Was never let go

By her Great God

Her Beautiful Papa

Her Daddy

Her Prince

Her Forever Hero

The one who penned her real life story

And wept with her when her heart was torn

He waited while his body ministered

And led His princess to her Savior

Waiting there in the wooded land

Up on the hill

At winters end

He made preparations in the shack

For his child to come home and unpack

All of the pent up broken dreams

Doubts

Abuse

Failures

Weariness

Tears

Unrest

Restless fears

Unmet desires

Addictions

Seductions

Her souls raging fire

Anger

Abandonment

Longing

And

Shame

She brought it all

Into her heart filled with pain

She walked the trail to the lonely shack

 Leaving her friends and not looking back

Knowing they had provided well

But she had to go

To be able to tell

Her one true Papa

Of the things still hurting

Hoping he would have the healing

The hill was steep and she thought of turning back

 Live in the comfort of what she knew

But it only left an empty view

Within her coming to life again heart

With her Papa she knew she could not part

So she kept putting one foot in front of the other

Though filled with doubt, fear, and exhaustion

She climbed the hill to completion

Walked on the front porch of her broken heart

Noticing the ever familiar sights, pangs, and echoes of life’s tragedy

But saw light shining through the window of her heart’s shack

She turned the knob and knew there was no going back

A welcoming sight of her Papa there

Who had been waiting patiently in his favorite chair

She put one foot inside the shack

Her Papa smiled

She could not bare

To tell him then while entering

All the wounds collected on the sadness journey

Even though he already knew

He remained calm and patient

Time would undue

Contented just to have his princess there

While she took off her shoes

And sat next to his chair

She wondered if this was just a dream

Would she wake up

And have it all seem

Just her imagination and creative soul

Concocting the meeting in the shack

But either way she took it all in

Let it be what it was

And left the rest up to Him

He did not probe or prod question

Just welcomed her and made connection

He met her in the shack that day

Just as she was

No longer a delay

No more division

In her confused soul

No more of life that took a toll

Just the Princess and Papa

In the warm house of her heart

Not feeling like an apology for the dust and grime

The cob webs, chipped paint, or drafty windows

The shown decay of time

Its Ok Papa knows

And understands the princess decrepit heart

That’s why he came

That where they will start

The restoration of his girl

The shack too

Will be brand new

He makes just one request

To his broken Princess

Trust me here while in the shack

She replies OK Papa

And crawls in His lap

She curls up snuggly in his arms

And cries sweet tears that have been saved

For oh too long

They sting the numbed up pain

He gently rocks her back and forth

As the tears come from her deepest parts

The ache she thinks may truly overcome her

He strokes her hair and reassures her Daddy’s here

Gives her permission to come undone

As he shows her the nail scars of his Son

She traces the scar on his hand with her finger

Healing comes and begins to linger

Passionately bringing to the forefront of her soul

Emotions that she wanted no one to know

The dam in her heart begins to break

Tears flowing now unable to fake

From places that had been locked up tight

Forever hidden and out of sight

It’s open now

Papa says child I’m holding you with all my might

Just let it be all that it is

The past

The present

The future

Here

It’s all alive and part of you

Don’t hold back child this will make you true

To be the dancing little girl again

The grown up woman

And at life’s end

The mature and finished masterpiece

It’s all alive

It’s who you were and who you are

And all you will ever be

You’re stepping into more of it each moment you breathe

And that means stepping into more of Me

And ever closer to eternity

Where one day you will fully see

It will hurt now

But not forever

The Shack is the healing place

Though you once avoided it with all your might

Because it only brought you grief and fright

It was the place of tragedy

Stay her child

In the once feared shack

It will soon be

The place where my broken girl is finally set free

Free to live

And laugh

And love

You’ll be given insight straight from heaven above

As my Spirit that lives inside of you

Will minister healing through and through

But now another question child

He looked at me gently with a smile

To live beyond survivor’s mode

You must give up your rights and no longer hold

Your grasp to all your reason

The tangible

The predictable

The justification season

And trust that your deepest desires

Cannot be met

From reaching out

With your own hand

And building your life castle in your own sand

But child look into all that I am

I am the one who holds the plan

For your provision

Your dreams

And a life long lover

Look to me and not another

So child I say

Do you give up

Your right for independence?

The words he spoke to me while holding me in his lap

Brought the oh too familiar sting

Of the harsh life I came to bring

To him

At the meeting in the shack

I wanted to fight

I wanted to scream

I want to deny

And forget the whole thing

And run I did out the front door of my heart

Looking outside it was dreary and dark

I didn’t care just ran and ran

And looked for someone to hold my hand

I found my shredded up princess clothes

On the lonely road I chose to go

I put them on and covered and hid

I ran so far

So fast

So long

My heart of love became distant and felt completely gone

I felt my way through darkest days

Of my own choosing

Thinking I was only losing

Papa’s favor and love

I longed to have

But what I learned only made me sad

Papa never went away

He stayed and waited

While I caused my own delay

He continued to be the limitless one

Teaching me through the darkest days

Of a Papa’s never ending loving ways

I was the only one

Who caused limits of my friendship with His Son

I wanted to cower

To hang my head low

And not look him in the eye for a fear he would know

And I would be rejected again

But he continually told me

No it’s not like that

You come to me child and do not hold back

The things in your heart that I already see the words left unspoken

The destruction that leaves you repeatedly broken

Say it

Shout it

Scream it

Cry it

But child when you only deny it

You cannot see your life’s true process

That all of this mess is beauty to me

A colorful garden

I want you to see

So look child come back to the shack

I want to take you outside

And let you view

The back yard

Where your chaotic being

Is painted as a garden full of flowers and weeds

The spirit is pruning it regularly

Cutting down branches and prying away vines

Long over grown and drowning out life

Of the beautiful flower beds in your heart

Their growing their too but they need more space

This is where healing takes an aggressive pace

Ridding your soul of the brown dried up debris

The Son shines on new life giving peace

Blooms of hope and stems of new dreams

Buds of grace and vines of mercy

Creating and painting your true life story

The mess is not a bother to me but a time of hard work

Of growth

Of making new

All that I have created you

So I in the backyard of my heart shack

I gave up my right

But said please Papa hold my hand tight

When I want to let go again

And run and run to find an end

To the chaos of colliding sinful flesh

With Perfection’s Spirit

Speak to me loud Papa

So I can hear it

Papa smiled and gave me a wink

Then turned to the right and spoke a command

A horse came running up the back hill

I was shocked knowing not what to think

The white horse stood next to Papa

Papa hopped on the saddle

Then held out his hand

For me to get on

I jumped up with him on the horse

We rode and rode

Through the hilly course

Of wild flowers and tall grass

Cascading the hills on no trail or path

What a beautiful panoramic view

Breathtaking

Eye catching

With the gentle breeze blowing

The sun shining down as if the first day of spring

I felt such release that I began to sing

Softly in my soul a new song of Joy

It played through my head and all at once made so much sense

All the time I had been looking for this fulfillment

To be achieved

Through a man and a woman

Relationship

But there on the horse with my Papa that day

I learned that it was never to be that way

Although I long for human connection with a man

To be my lover and forever friend

The daring, romantic rescuer

The knight on a horse

Who battles my dragons and sets the damsel free

Can only be Papa in Jesus you see

What a revelation

What a fresh new way to live

To allow Papa to be the one who will give

Me the security of provision and protection

As we rode through the picturesque backdrop of my hearts shack

I began to smile and then laugh and laugh

A laugh of freedom and understanding

I held tightly to Papa my rescue and dream

And all at once my laughter stopped

As it began to all seem

To come down on me there as we rode through the hills

The complete tragedy that I had caused abuse

To many a man who had been in my life

Expecting them to hold the quality

Of Papa and be

Perfect and meet all my deepest princess needs

The demands I held and expectations I strove for

While in those relations were unfair and unattainable

Grief struck my heart and tears flowed once more

As we got off the horse and went through the back door

Into the shack once again

Papa looked on me and said

It’s over now

The time has come

For the grown up woman to face her one dread

I am here and will not leave

But to receive the purest healing and find relief

Let go of your shame that came with wrong perception

Its time for a paradigm shift to complete our connection

And dear child for you to ever be in relation

Again with a human man

And have it be all that in me it can

I grieved right there at Papa’s feet

I cried out loud

And said please forgive me

For judging you Papa as if you were not enough

While I told the whole world that I believed

I looked to others to make me feel safe

While you waited for me to receive

Your grace

He said it was forgiven long ago

But saying it there

Caused healing water of the Spirit to flow

Into the shack of my heart

Washing out the mire and muck

And replacing it with Papa’s beautiful art

Of the restoration tapestry hung upon the hearth of my heart

Life was being made new

Each and every part

The process though long

I realized then my life is just a it should be

Each and every day that I lived

While striving for perfection, for pleasing others, and favor with God

I gave all I could give and it was enough

There would be more and the layers are thick

But with Papa and healing time is not measured

He is happy to be with you; he’s whole and complete

Just watching his princess grow up and find more release

Of herself to him and unity

He’s not concerned that I fall desperately short

But invites me just as I am

And continues to sort

Through all the choices of independence from him has brought

And leads me to truth that I continually sought

Untangles the religious bondage taught

And gives fresh thinking and belief to my mind

A new way to live

It makes life fine

Even with chaos, destruction, and sin all around

He uses it all for life in him to truly be found

Standing at the back door just Papa and Me

He takes me back to the garden

In the backyard

There on the lawn I see

A box

Beautifully carved with life’s memories

Looking at them carved on the box was bittersweet

He says you know what to do child

To be completely set fee

Without any words

I fell to my knees

And first said it softly

I forgive me

Then it grew in my heart

And burst forth from my lips

I FORGIVE ME
IFORGIVE ME
I FORGIVE ME

I laid down my burdens

In the beautifully carved box

Then set it there in the hole dug in the ground

Papa covered it well with the fertile soil

And just as he patted the last of the loose earth

There where my burden was buried

Came new life and rebirth

A tree in front of my eye’s sprung up

It’s the tree of life child Papa joyfully said

You can walk from your time of great sadness and sorrows

And into hope-filled new life tommorrows

Right then and right there I took a deep breath

It was gone the sadness that I thought was honoring to keep

The sorrow that I felt was necessary to live in

Had lifted

Had left me

No longer my best friend

Winter after all does have an end

Spring is here

New life has begun

My time for singing has finally come

I hugged Papa with all of my being

And said I love you

And he whispered it back to me

Life was complete in the garden that day

I finally had found freedom in Papa was the only way

Then he held my face in his hands

Wiped my tears of Joy softly off of my cheeks

And said child

Your friends and family are waiting for you

I will never leave

Now your life is anew

Go back to them

Tell them

Your healing story

I’ll be close to you always

I’ll be here in your heart’s home

You’re always welcome and I’ll leave the light on

And Princess remember the old shack that once stood here

It left with the sadness as well

I looked around in the shack of my heart

It was fully restored each room; each part

Beautifully decorated

Tastefully furnished

I wanted to invite all of my loved ones here

Into the cottage refurbished in Papa’s love

Painted in hues from heaven above

He said child just be who you are in me

They will see the transformation

And the beautiful hues

Because freedom has come to you

He kissed me gently on my forehead

 I looked into his eternal eyes

There were no tears or sad good-byes

He was not leaving nor was I

But home I went down from the trail of the shack

Life was waiting

And I was joyfully anticipating

All that would come; the good and the bad

Through life lived after our time in the shack

1/13/09

Joy M. Foose

What Happened to my Little Boy?

What Happened to My Little Boy

It seemed like it was yesterday I held that soft skinned baby in my arms

I was a mama so young and scared to be in charge of such a precious task

Of raising up a little boy, now I ask

Where did the days all go when I watched you coo, toddle, and sing

Those silly songs that in my heart still ring

I look into the young man who now towers over me with those big brown eyes and as I look; I see

Short glimpses of you’re growing up years

Some dear and special others scary

Like the day you said your first “mama”; though I felt undeserving I captured that little voice

Within my heart and made the choice

To step up to the plate in life

And be your mama for all of your life

And there in those days that I remember so well

The dinosaur roars, the Simba growls, your little signature phrases of, “I’ve got a good idea, TOYS!”

And “I’m gonna cry now, the sensitive tears rolling down your cheek

As a wobbling toddler and when you felt like the middle school geek

Those in between years were so hard

You felt you didn’t belong

You tossed and swayed through the stormy days

Of preteen boy struggling to find his way

I am your mama I was always for you

I knew there was one important thing I could do

I prayed and gave you to the Lord

Asked him to hold you through this middle school storm

To give you belief within your heart

A trust in Him that would never depart

From the growing up boy in front of my eyes

“Lord give him answers to all of his questions WHY?”

Be his Savior, his King,

Comforter, Counselor, his Everything

And then came the day I never wanted to see

When my little boy felt the instant destruction

Of a completely broken heart ; barely able to function

This mama screamed no not my boy, not my baby, becoming a man

There was only one thing to do hold tighter to Jesus hand

And trust that he still had a plan

This is where the time had come for this mama working hard to raise a son

To step back and wait for the things she had taught, lived, prayed, and said

To become his own within his head

She didn’t stop praying, teaching or guiding

But she couldn’t choose for him she could only keep trying

To be the light of Jesus to her broken child

And allow Christ’s love hold him while

This vicious storm raged within his soul.  Some days it was almost too much to bear; to see your child hurt so deep

Is a mama’s most challenging feat

I wanted to take it from you there

All your pain, hurt, anger, and despair

But somehow God gave me the strength to stand beside you and just wait

I didn’t know how long it would be

Maybe when you were old and out on your own

I would scream, “Please Lord, NO!” as I moaned

And felt that ache inside my mama heart

Of the sweet little boy feeling the effects of sin

That I thought I could always protect him

And then one day out of the blue

My baby boy found his own rescue

He said mom I’ve chosen to believe again; I still have a lot of stuff inside

But my faith in God I will abide

I said thank you Faithful God

We prodded on through the effects of life’s bomb

Until the day, I prayed for so long

My boy stepped up and became a man

Made a choice some never make with the words, “I forgive you”

Oh what a day

You see that was the day my boy became a man

He choose for himself God’s resurrection power within

To have character and value and let go

To give himself worth and a chance to know

How to break free from bondage sin can cause

Alive in freedom

Break ties with crippling hurt and pain

The bomb still happened, he will never forget

The hurt was real and it had an effect

On all of his life and all of his days

But the choice he made broke off his chains

And let him step into thinking like a man of God

Honest, confident, and certainly free

The evidence of forgiveness this mama can see

Within in her little boy who is now grown

And serves his Savior on his own

Today I look and wonder “Where did my little boy go?”

That little boy didn’t go anywhere

Although the sweet little child voice is now just an echo

The memory of that little boy will remain precious everyday

That little boy is still very much here

He’s just grown up now but I know he’s near

When that big teenager comes and says’ “Mama, good morning, I love you.”

And this mama’s heart softens once again, thanking the Lord for the day

The little girl with the baby boy chose to grow up too

And become a woman through and through

And trust the one and only God

Who could help her raise her little son

She’s still on her learning journey and so is he

But together they will both see that God is faithful everyday

He will never leave us or forsake us come what may

And so Logan Michael as you graduate

I want to say I am so proud to have seen

That soft skinned baby become a handsome man

Living from the belief of “I can’t” to “I can”

What an honor to be your mama

I am eager to see your life with you

And know that with God there are no limits to what you can do

I’m on your side and one of your biggest fans

But I give the Lord my boy who is a strapping man

And say oh Sweet Father, Abba, Creator

Walk with my boy and stand with him forever

Each day God answers this mama prayer

When I see the freedom smile appear

With a calm spirit and a free heart; Jesus is your Savior this is true

And so this mama has one thing to do

I charge you Logan Michael

To stand tall with God; be a man of Confidence-honest and true

Do not look to others to define you

Look into your Heavenly Father’s truth

Be brave, be strong and sometimes that means be weak

No need to live fake and perform for the world

This is your life and no one can tell you how, Logan Foose should feel or think

Although take good instruction, encouragement, and challenge

Learn from the wise but be only you

And your mama’s prayer is that your hearts desires will come true

I charge you to walk with God all your days

Know that when you do fall away

God does not fall, or leave, or hide

He’ll stand patiently waiting by your side

Ready to welcome you back into his arms

He will walk with you all your days

Cling to him, learn from him and know his ways

For one day there will come a day

When you become a daddy

And then you will see clearly

The importance of trusting and knowing God

When a little life of your own daughter or son

Will steal your heart and you will begin to carry on

That faith that started in Grandma & Grandpa Great

Will then be yours to pass on and take

To the next generation, to give as a gift

Live for God Logan Michael; the next generation is depending on it

God’s will ,will be done regardless of you but live as his chosen

There is no other that can do what he created you to do!

What's in Your Temple?

 “My house will be called a house of prayer but you are making it a den of robbers.” - Matthew 21:13

As I study the passages of scripture that prelude the death and resurrection of Jesus, I come across this verse in Matthew. These are Jesus words after dismounting from the “donkey chariot,” finding the temple once again abused of its true purpose.  Where worship and prayer should have crowded the temple, greed and selfishness clogged the holy ambience inside its walls. The money changers set up their stations for the gentile crowds filing into town, with the “temple coins” ready to exchange for all other forms of payment;  the only currency accepted to purchase sacrifices the crowds still needed.  The dove sellers moved in their benches sporting their wares in hopes for the equivalent of black Friday shopping sales that day. 

All the while the gentiles were entering town in worship, to The Son of David that had come as prophesy told.  Children followed Jesus proclaiming “Hosanna!” which (in the original language) means, –“Divine Help save now!” Or a cry exclaiming, “Praise you!”, and worshipping their awaited Messiah.  Imagine the day radiant with sunshine, not a cloud in the sky- the unseen beauty of people coming together and the sense of community surrounding the celebration like a hometown 4^th of July parade on a tepid summer afternoon.  People waving and smiling at one another, lots of commotion.  In these hours all life trials, struggles, and divisions are put aside to celebrate! Moved to a holy surrender, the people began to remove their cloaks, laying them along the entrance into town.  Envision in your mind this eclectic patchwork road as Jesus trotted in.  Hear the jubilation aligning either side of the dirt road; shouts proclaiming the wait is over, prophesy fulfilled was riding into town, over the humble cloaks of submitted worship.  Listen to the cracks of palm branches being broken as men quickly pass them around in the gathering of worshippers.  Picture the gentle sway of palm trees waving in the air. Freedom dancing, twirling, jumping and kneeling before King Jesus.  While you are captured in the scene of what we name Palm Sunday, quiet your heart to listen to the sweet innocent child voices squealing with anticipation exclaiming “Hosanna!”  I wonder if it paralleled a bit to what children sound like as toddlers when the announcement of  “Daddy’s home!” is made. With tender little wobbly bodies they, with all the momentum mustered inside rookie legs, run to the door shouting dddaaaaaaddddddyyyyy!”  The entire way.  The purity of their uninhibited worship must have flooded the soul of Perfect Love riding on the borrowed donkey. 

Everyone celebrated!  Everyone except for the chief priests and teachers of the law. They were indicant at the shouts proceeding purely from innocent lips.  They questions Jesus about the children’s exclamations.

Jesus answered with a quote of scripture, “From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise.” (Psalm 8:2) I love that Jesus loves children so much!  He considers them enough of importance to call the high priests out on the table with a high card from the words of the one after his own heart!

Vividly visualize these events and how the tone of enthusiasm unfolds into disapproving scowls from the priests and self absorbed greed of business men.  Up until now it all seemed normal. The usual story of Palm Sunday told year after year.  Visions watched in plays, films reenacting the joyous occasion, and sermons of depictive words creating mind pictures within. Yes, this was all a part of my mind’s eye view of Jesus humble ride into Jerusalem.   But certainly not  Jesus righteously angry and clearing the temple.  

I imagine great celebration not selfishness, pride, and greed.  I usually breathe a sigh of relief that unfolding is a small portion of the honor and glory that should have been his all along.  I don’t think about the jealousy of the priests and teachers.  The fun sucking expressions on their faces.  The confrontation Jesus had while they peered at the ridiculousness of the thrown together cheap parade with their judgmental scowls and prideful body language as Jesus dismounted from the borrowed animal and stood in truth to the manipulating acts of the money changers trying to deceive the gentiles.  I don’t instinctively picture Jesus walking towards the dove sellers panning their wares to the emotionally charged crowds.  But it did happen as scripture says.   Jesus for the second time cleared the temple of the acts that kept true worship from happening.

I wonder at that point if the dove sellers began to realize their future sales career affording them the Jerusalem dream would soon come to an end.

I wonder if the threat of a Messiah brought fear to the priests watching  the High Priest who sympathizes with our weakness; angry in their temple.

I do wonder, and that turns my thoughts to life today.  To me. To you.  Because Jesus also says that our body is the living temple of the Holy Spirit.  A home for Christ to live for all who would receive.  This is what Christianity labels abundant life, or spirit filled.  If you think about the reality of this truth it is something to celebrate!  Just like the crowds on Palm Sunday!  Let’s get a little crazy people that know the Lord! Shake it up a bit! JESUS LIVES IN YOU!!!! Cut your palm branches and wave them in the air-wave them like you just don’t care!  Get loose stuffy church!  “Hosanna!” –Divine Help who saves Now- is here in me; in you!  Let’s get a little ridiculous about our worship- loud like the gentile crowd!  Pure like the children following Jesus in the temple – Shouting Hosanna-“Praise You!” Let’s be unaware of the hostile rebuke of rigid ritualistic routine! Let’s fix our eyes only on Jesus – What do you see when you look at him?  Hope -grab it!  Love -sway in it! Truth- proclaim it! Freedom- Shake off your chains! Mercy- bow to it! Purity- be washed in it! Joy- bask in it! Peace- absorb it! Forgiveness- confess it! New Life-live it! And say with all that you are “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

But let us also examine the temple, our temple; is there enough room for true worship in your body, heart, soul, mind, life?  What is obstructing true abandonment to Jesus?  Have you bowed, waving your white flag of surrender to the King of Kings? Is there a free flow of living water continually springing up in you or are your spiritual arteries clogged? Have we made the temple he gave us a house of prayer or a den of robbers?

Have we robbed our self of true worship and prayer; taking up with the priests thinking by allowing fear and lack of trust be our comfort?  Have we scowled at the ridiculousness of abandoning all to take up our cross and follow Him?  Does our body language to outsiders show judgment or love? Have the weeds of pride become so overgrown in our souls that we are no longer willing to bow to his will?  Are we continually filling our earthly home; our temple, with reasons to life in the death of Jesus?  Or are we living a free resurrection life? Jesus is alive?  Do you believe it? Do I believe it? If so does it show? Are we robbing our bodies and abusing them with addictions to food, substances, money, sex, routine religion, and hanging our hope on the next money changer booth that comes along in our life offering a quick fix, self help, and lasting hope?  Or are we believing every life giving word from the Living Word of God? Is our prayer life flourishing?  Do we long to be alone with the Lord?  Do you listen in the secret quiet place where it is only you and the Lord? Are we praying without ceasing, casting all of our cares on him because he cares for us? Are we fasting and praying? Are we standing still in awe finding in our inmost place that he alone is God?  Or are we reading off our laundry list of prayers to him out of habitual duty?  Following the do’s and don’ts but living captive to the regimen.  Are our prayer groups, small groups, and Sunday gatherings gossip circles of concern or crying out to the Father in abandonment of help, praise and worship? Do we believe that prayer changes things? That is what Jesus told the disciples after he left the city on the following morning.  “If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21:22)

Do we believe that we can be totally restored, revival can come, and Jesus is pursuing the lost through His Spirit in our lives?  If you do live expectantly, confidently, boldly, thankfully, and joyfully in the truth that brings to your life.  If not allow Jesus to clear your temple and make room for worship and prayer.

As we approach this season of celebrating Jesus death and resurrection let’s all allow our savior to gently ride into our “temple” courts as we lay down our cloaks of surrendered worship and together make a gentle eclectic path to welcome him.  It is there we will find the palm branches of joy stirring our soul to sing “Hosanna!” May our worship be true personally and corporately in the body of Christ.  As Jesus is escorted into our worship may he find a cleaned out temple waiting for him to dwell. May he discover a house of prayer for him to reside.  And may we say, “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

HAPPY EASTER SEASON EVERYONE!!!!

JESUS IS RISEN!!!
JESUS IS ALIVE!!!!
AND HE LOVES YOU!!!!!

What's in Your Temple?

 “My house will be called a house of prayer but you are making it a den of robbers.” - Matthew 21:13

As I study the passages of scripture that prelude the death and resurrection of Jesus, I come across this verse in Matthew. These are Jesus words after dismounting from the “donkey chariot,” finding the temple once again abused of its true purpose.  Where worship and prayer should have crowded the temple, greed and selfishness clogged the holy ambience inside its walls. The money changers set up their stations for the gentile crowds filing into town, with the “temple coins” ready to exchange for all other forms of payment;  the only currency accepted to purchase sacrifices the crowds still needed.  The dove sellers moved in their benches sporting their wares in hopes for the equivalent of black Friday shopping sales that day. 

All the while the gentiles were entering town in worship, to The Son of David that had come as prophesy told.  Children followed Jesus proclaiming “Hosanna!” which (in the original language) means, –“Divine Help save now!” Or a cry exclaiming, “Praise you!”, and worshipping their awaited Messiah.  Imagine the day radiant with sunshine, not a cloud in the sky- the unseen beauty of people coming together and the sense of community surrounding the celebration like a hometown 4^th of July parade on a tepid summer afternoon.  People waving and smiling at one another, lots of commotion.  In these hours all life trials, struggles, and divisions are put aside to celebrate! Moved to a holy surrender, the people began to remove their cloaks, laying them along the entrance into town.  Envision in your mind this eclectic patchwork road as Jesus trotted in.  Hear the jubilation aligning either side of the dirt road; shouts proclaiming the wait is over, prophesy fulfilled was riding into town, over the humble cloaks of submitted worship.  Listen to the cracks of palm branches being broken as men quickly pass them around in the gathering of worshippers.  Picture the gentle sway of palm trees waving in the air. Freedom dancing, twirling, jumping and kneeling before King Jesus.  While you are captured in the scene of what we name Palm Sunday, quiet your heart to listen to the sweet innocent child voices squealing with anticipation exclaiming “Hosanna!”  I wonder if it paralleled a bit to what children sound like as toddlers when the announcement of  “Daddy’s home!” is made. With tender little wobbly bodies they, with all the momentum mustered inside rookie legs, run to the door shouting dddaaaaaaddddddyyyyy!”  The entire way.  The purity of their uninhibited worship must have flooded the soul of Perfect Love riding on the borrowed donkey. 

Everyone celebrated!  Everyone except for the chief priests and teachers of the law. They were indicant at the shouts proceeding purely from innocent lips.  They questions Jesus about the children’s exclamations.

Jesus answered with a quote of scripture, “From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise.” (Psalm 8:2) I love that Jesus loves children so much!  He considers them enough of importance to call the high priests out on the table with a high card from the words of the one after his own heart!

Vividly visualize these events and how the tone of enthusiasm unfolds into disapproving scowls from the priests and self absorbed greed of business men.  Up until now it all seemed normal. The usual story of Palm Sunday told year after year.  Visions watched in plays, films reenacting the joyous occasion, and sermons of depictive words creating mind pictures within. Yes, this was all a part of my mind’s eye view of Jesus humble ride into Jerusalem.   But certainly not  Jesus righteously angry and clearing the temple.  

I imagine great celebration not selfishness, pride, and greed.  I usually breathe a sigh of relief that unfolding is a small portion of the honor and glory that should have been his all along.  I don’t think about the jealousy of the priests and teachers.  The fun sucking expressions on their faces.  The confrontation Jesus had while they peered at the ridiculousness of the thrown together cheap parade with their judgmental scowls and prideful body language as Jesus dismounted from the borrowed animal and stood in truth to the manipulating acts of the money changers trying to deceive the gentiles.  I don’t instinctively picture Jesus walking towards the dove sellers panning their wares to the emotionally charged crowds.  But it did happen as scripture says.   Jesus for the second time cleared the temple of the acts that kept true worship from happening.

I wonder at that point if the dove sellers began to realize their future sales career affording them the Jerusalem dream would soon come to an end.

I wonder if the threat of a Messiah brought fear to the priests watching  the High Priest who sympathizes with our weakness; angry in their temple.

I do wonder, and that turns my thoughts to life today.  To me. To you.  Because Jesus also says that our body is the living temple of the Holy Spirit.  A home for Christ to live for all who would receive.  This is what Christianity labels abundant life, or spirit filled.  If you think about the reality of this truth it is something to celebrate!  Just like the crowds on Palm Sunday!  Let’s get a little crazy people that know the Lord! Shake it up a bit! JESUS LIVES IN YOU!!!! Cut your palm branches and wave them in the air-wave them like you just don’t care!  Get loose stuffy church!  “Hosanna!” –Divine Help who saves Now- is here in me; in you!  Let’s get a little ridiculous about our worship- loud like the gentile crowd!  Pure like the children following Jesus in the temple – Shouting Hosanna-“Praise You!” Let’s be unaware of the hostile rebuke of rigid ritualistic routine! Let’s fix our eyes only on Jesus – What do you see when you look at him?  Hope -grab it!  Love -sway in it! Truth- proclaim it! Freedom- Shake off your chains! Mercy- bow to it! Purity- be washed in it! Joy- bask in it! Peace- absorb it! Forgiveness- confess it! New Life-live it! And say with all that you are “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

But let us also examine the temple, our temple; is there enough room for true worship in your body, heart, soul, mind, life?  What is obstructing true abandonment to Jesus?  Have you bowed, waving your white flag of surrender to the King of Kings? Is there a free flow of living water continually springing up in you or are your spiritual arteries clogged? Have we made the temple he gave us a house of prayer or a den of robbers?

Have we robbed our self of true worship and prayer; taking up with the priests thinking by allowing fear and lack of trust be our comfort?  Have we scowled at the ridiculousness of abandoning all to take up our cross and follow Him?  Does our body language to outsiders show judgment or love? Have the weeds of pride become so overgrown in our souls that we are no longer willing to bow to his will?  Are we continually filling our earthly home; our temple, with reasons to life in the death of Jesus?  Or are we living a free resurrection life? Jesus is alive?  Do you believe it? Do I believe it? If so does it show? Are we robbing our bodies and abusing them with addictions to food, substances, money, sex, routine religion, and hanging our hope on the next money changer booth that comes along in our life offering a quick fix, self help, and lasting hope?  Or are we believing every life giving word from the Living Word of God? Is our prayer life flourishing?  Do we long to be alone with the Lord?  Do you listen in the secret quiet place where it is only you and the Lord? Are we praying without ceasing, casting all of our cares on him because he cares for us? Are we fasting and praying? Are we standing still in awe finding in our inmost place that he alone is God?  Or are we reading off our laundry list of prayers to him out of habitual duty?  Following the do’s and don’ts but living captive to the regimen.  Are our prayer groups, small groups, and Sunday gatherings gossip circles of concern or crying out to the Father in abandonment of help, praise and worship? Do we believe that prayer changes things? That is what Jesus told the disciples after he left the city on the following morning.  “If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21:22)

Do we believe that we can be totally restored, revival can come, and Jesus is pursuing the lost through His Spirit in our lives?  If you do live expectantly, confidently, boldly, thankfully, and joyfully in the truth that brings to your life.  If not allow Jesus to clear your temple and make room for worship and prayer.

As we approach this season of celebrating Jesus death and resurrection let’s all allow our savior to gently ride into our “temple” courts as we lay down our cloaks of surrendered worship and together make a gentle eclectic path to welcome him.  It is there we will find the palm branches of joy stirring our soul to sing “Hosanna!” May our worship be true personally and corporately in the body of Christ.  As Jesus is escorted into our worship may he find a cleaned out temple waiting for him to dwell. May he discover a house of prayer for him to reside.  And may we say, “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

HAPPY EASTER SEASON EVERYONE!!!!

JESUS IS RISEN!!!
JESUS IS ALIVE!!!!
AND HE LOVES YOU!!!!!

Beautiful Feet

Isaiah 52:7 “How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring Good News.”

I must tell you about a little girl named Zoe.  I met her while on a mission trip to an orphanage in Jamaica.  Zoe is a spunky active little girl who lives at the orphanage and goes to kindergarten just like any other child.  But life for Zoe, like most children I met, had a most unpleasant start.  Upon arrival to the children’s home as an infant, Zoe was completely worn out and exhausted from screaming and crying with no one attending to her helpless attempts for rescue so much, that pollups formed on her vocal cords and to this day she talks in a very hoarse and raspy tone.  The story is told that Zoe, unlike most infants, who are still curled up from being in their mother’s womb and snuggled in blankets, was limp and lifeless with limbs open upon arrival to the orphanage; silent and without a voice.  The staff had to tightly swaddle her and hold her close to them for her to be able to begin to learn attachment, bonding, and to “bring her back to life”.  Thank goodness for the love and care that she has been given over her tender years and although very needy Zoe is an active, lively, and thriving child.  I had the honor to meet Zoe in a very special way while at the Robin's Nest. I was sitting in a wooden rocking chair the first morning of our trip drinking a cup of coffee and taking in all the busy activities of the morning as the children were getting off to school.  Still completely overwhelmed emotionally by the entire situation of last nights drive up the steep mountain in a terrain of pot holes and partially paved roads inside the lavish tropical landscape while riding in an overpopulated jalopy of a van, to this little “city on a hill” orphanage. The shock of hitting the ground running  upon arrival- feeding and holding babies, changing diapers, reading devotions & praying with girls, and acting as a human jungle gym, not to mention a giant community Kleenex for many noses. Needless to say the familiar taste and inviting smell of coffee was very welcoming as I tightly held the mug and sat quietly anticipating how the day would unfold.  I did not know what to expect from this mission trip. I went with only an open mind to go and step into whatever God had waiting for me.  What was waiting was more than I could have ever dreamed, hoped, or imagined. 

Quietly, without a word or even eye contact little Zoe knelt down in front of me that sunny morning and began gently wiping my feet with a damp white cloth. The room came to a hush as the chaos echoed distantly while I sat in the rocking chair with the most humbling and indescribable feeling in my soul.  I came to serve. I came to be the beautiful feet to bring the good news up this mountain to the little ones, and here she was, this precious orphan child tenderly wiping my feet.  What seemed like forever was probably under a minute while she continued washing my feet very diligently with her little white cloth as tears rolled down my cheeks.  Zoe did not know me.  Zoe did not know that I was going to this place to get out of myself and the brokenness of my own life as a step of healing.  Zoe didn't know that I too had been in a season of feeling lifeless, limbs open, and numb to the devastation of a personal blow to my heart. Zoe did not know that the grieving of my soul had left me spiritually hoarse; worn out and exhausted from my crying attempts of rescue. No Zoe did not know but rescue came so specifically in that time because you see Zoe and I have one strong thing in common- we have the same Father and he knew.  I came to serve in this place and here I was being served humbly and graciously by this little princess of the Most High God.  In those moments my white skin and her black skin faded.  In those moments my comfortable wealthy western culture lifestyle and her poverty melted.  Yes there in those moments the ground at the foot of the cross was level.  No greater no less.  We were both the least of these.  Those moments changed me eternally forever.

Soon Zoe rose from her serving position, she did not look at me only jumped up and pranced away and jumped into the chaos and excitement of the morning with all the other children and merrily went off to school.  I really had to get alone with God to even be able to process the events of those moments.  And as I did God spoke this truth to my heart, “You are no different than my beloved Zoe, you are the same and your meager attempts to serve and love me are just as pleasurable and pleasing to me as little Zoe, who I am so fond of, washing your feet, all beautiful in my sight.” 

The next morning I had a divine appointment to play with and love on Zoe.  We never spoke of that intimate eternal moment when she sat at my feet but we giggled,  cuddled, and swung without care on the swing set.

Did you know that Zoe means life?  

Thank you Zoe for being like Jesus and bringing life to my soul.  You are such a precious little princess, I will forever hold a serious affection for how beautiful, like Jesus, you are!

Is God calling you out?

Out of your normal?

Out of your predictable?

Out of your comfortable?

Is God asking you to do something crazy with his love?

Are you in need of overcoming! -I encourage and challenge to find healing in loving and serving others!

He is calling you!  Serve - Go...Go!

Today where you are, you will be forever changed and you will realize the walls fall down as the Savior's love convinces us through serving by the power of his Holy Spirit that we are all the least of these.....

Before you Cross the Line

Some thoughts have been dancing around in my head
they come and go and I leave them unsaid
but as I sit here in the quiet of this hour
I wonder if these thoughts could have a greater power.
To minister, heal and be a light in the dark
To capture even the most stubborn of heart
The words to come upon this page may seem to some to be said out of hate
Angry, fear, sadness and grief
But know my friend I only write to bring relief
A clarity perhaps into confusion
Where it is unveiled the road that you've considered choosing
I've chose it too
I 've dreamed of living in the gray
And even lived it out I'm so sorry to say
Felt the effects of others living it out too
The gray of someone fleeing away
That was once held dear and so close inside
But true love in Christ must not hide
Cover up
Mask or give a haughty impress
Bring your ear close friend and give a listen
not to the tragedy that I've faced
But to truth and consequences
that I thought would steal grace
From the precious ones I hold so dear and to my own shaking spirit drenched in fear
so today dear soul as she slowly combs her fingers through her hair and ties you in with her glances and stares
And his conversation sweet as honey
please listen friend
This sorrowful message that I now send.
It starts with a glance a look a wavering thought and for many a reason it lingers on the secret dark and hidden away grows more the lust day after day until the telling moment when you break the bond you made to your best friend and cross the line you swore never to
You've climbed the fence and sat on its edge
the pain of sitting in the middle of gray you could not do for one more day
Of living fake and living double
You crossed the line not thinking of the trouble
The ripple effect; the truth of consequence
Who are you now
do you have a defense
The looks the glances the innocent words are now all gone it has all taken a turn for the worst
But worst right now it might not seem
 maybe a relief to you it will bring
but only for a season
and for the most shallow of all reasons
You justify mull and preach to yourself in your head
as the you you once were lies silent and dead
its captured and gagged and locked tight away
You are now the new you where you feel a new day
the grass seems greener
day seems clear
But oh friend here me it is drawing so near
where the you locked away must come out
You will find it bit by bit starting with a whisper and slowly growing to a shout
You will see it first in your bank account
That leaves you in a negative state as it unfolds it will be a most unfortunate of fates
that is only the surface friend
the you inside is begging to see the falseness that lust made you to be
And pride its most truest companion of all
They say it comes before the fall
fall you did in their little eyes
so innocent as you take a look in their grief stricken skies
The battle they suffer because of your sin
Is hurting them even deeper within
Where they question God and all that they once held true
of family and fun and the hero they saw in you
The pain if you look is the most frightening to the heart
when all that was safe if torn apart,
So if you are there friend, with lust whispering in your ear
And the security of pride taking hold of you
Flee
Run as fast as you can
Do not look back even for a glance
I promise you friend take this bold and daring chance
be vulnerable in the confession state
Do it now you must
do not wait
Their eyes have not yet cried those horrific tears
you have not yet heard the silence where there was once peace and love
Friend turn and run
If my friend you are sitting on the fence teetering back and forth to and fro
On a black and gray see saw controlling your soul
take a step back
stop teetering on the fence
you can still return you can still live right
Turn around
Get off
Do not hide
Light will shine forth on you
Tend your garden
Make it fresh and renewed
Water the flowers let their roots grow deep
the produce of joy you will soon reap
And peace like a river
Will flow strongly through you
connecting to the source
of who delivers you
And reconciles you again to his son
 live in your garden my friend
Spring has sprung
 new life is waiting
 the fantasy was a farce
a cheap deceiving counterfeit lie
from the pit of hell
do not deny
Its roots are shallow
its reality was fake
Look in front of you and see
 be alive
be awake
live in your moments with the people who love you
commit
and recommit
to the life given to you