Come Into The Shack of My Heart

Come into the shack of my heart

I’ve walked this trail for oh so long

With what I had forever gone

Many there at my side

 No longer could I run and hide

The day came clearly into view

When I needed a critical rescue

 Because I had been living fake

 No longer could my weary soul take

 The vice that then was covered in layers

 Became naked one frightening day

The journey took from that place

 I would not have wished on a human soul

The aches

 The burns

 The wounds

That would only grow

Dearer as the days drug on

Winter seemed to have no end

The cold and darkness was all around

Precious friends stayed closely by my side

And breathed hope into my fragile broken state

 As I laid paralyzed

They could only wait 

They held my hand

And shed the tears

Prayed the prayers

 And calmed my fears

Encouraged and showed faith strong

Were the ones who helped me carry on

 Jesus with skin on

Stood in the gap and didn’t flinch

Although there were times I’m sure they wanted to say

 Come on girl and get on your way

 But they remained faithful and true

I believe those women are God’s chosen few

To help this lifeless shell of a woman live through

The time of her own great sadness

And as one said time would tell

And what a tale it tells

The lessons learns while in the madness

The chaos in the soul can bring

The broken girl into her dream

The girl who lay exposed and bleeding one dark day

Was never let go

By her Great God

Her Beautiful Papa

Her Daddy

Her Prince

Her Forever Hero

The one who penned her real life story

And wept with her when her heart was torn

He waited while his body ministered

And led His princess to her Savior

Waiting there in the wooded land

Up on the hill

At winters end

He made preparations in the shack

For his child to come home and unpack

All of the pent up broken dreams

Doubts

Abuse

Failures

Weariness

Tears

Unrest

Restless fears

Unmet desires

Addictions

Seductions

Her souls raging fire

Anger

Abandonment

Longing

And

Shame

She brought it all

Into her heart filled with pain

She walked the trail to the lonely shack

 Leaving her friends and not looking back

Knowing they had provided well

But she had to go

To be able to tell

Her one true Papa

Of the things still hurting

Hoping he would have the healing

The hill was steep and she thought of turning back

 Live in the comfort of what she knew

But it only left an empty view

Within her coming to life again heart

With her Papa she knew she could not part

So she kept putting one foot in front of the other

Though filled with doubt, fear, and exhaustion

She climbed the hill to completion

Walked on the front porch of her broken heart

Noticing the ever familiar sights, pangs, and echoes of life’s tragedy

But saw light shining through the window of her heart’s shack

She turned the knob and knew there was no going back

A welcoming sight of her Papa there

Who had been waiting patiently in his favorite chair

She put one foot inside the shack

Her Papa smiled

She could not bare

To tell him then while entering

All the wounds collected on the sadness journey

Even though he already knew

He remained calm and patient

Time would undue

Contented just to have his princess there

While she took off her shoes

And sat next to his chair

She wondered if this was just a dream

Would she wake up

And have it all seem

Just her imagination and creative soul

Concocting the meeting in the shack

But either way she took it all in

Let it be what it was

And left the rest up to Him

He did not probe or prod question

Just welcomed her and made connection

He met her in the shack that day

Just as she was

No longer a delay

No more division

In her confused soul

No more of life that took a toll

Just the Princess and Papa

In the warm house of her heart

Not feeling like an apology for the dust and grime

The cob webs, chipped paint, or drafty windows

The shown decay of time

Its Ok Papa knows

And understands the princess decrepit heart

That’s why he came

That where they will start

The restoration of his girl

The shack too

Will be brand new

He makes just one request

To his broken Princess

Trust me here while in the shack

She replies OK Papa

And crawls in His lap

She curls up snuggly in his arms

And cries sweet tears that have been saved

For oh too long

They sting the numbed up pain

He gently rocks her back and forth

As the tears come from her deepest parts

The ache she thinks may truly overcome her

He strokes her hair and reassures her Daddy’s here

Gives her permission to come undone

As he shows her the nail scars of his Son

She traces the scar on his hand with her finger

Healing comes and begins to linger

Passionately bringing to the forefront of her soul

Emotions that she wanted no one to know

The dam in her heart begins to break

Tears flowing now unable to fake

From places that had been locked up tight

Forever hidden and out of sight

It’s open now

Papa says child I’m holding you with all my might

Just let it be all that it is

The past

The present

The future

Here

It’s all alive and part of you

Don’t hold back child this will make you true

To be the dancing little girl again

The grown up woman

And at life’s end

The mature and finished masterpiece

It’s all alive

It’s who you were and who you are

And all you will ever be

You’re stepping into more of it each moment you breathe

And that means stepping into more of Me

And ever closer to eternity

Where one day you will fully see

It will hurt now

But not forever

The Shack is the healing place

Though you once avoided it with all your might

Because it only brought you grief and fright

It was the place of tragedy

Stay her child

In the once feared shack

It will soon be

The place where my broken girl is finally set free

Free to live

And laugh

And love

You’ll be given insight straight from heaven above

As my Spirit that lives inside of you

Will minister healing through and through

But now another question child

He looked at me gently with a smile

To live beyond survivor’s mode

You must give up your rights and no longer hold

Your grasp to all your reason

The tangible

The predictable

The justification season

And trust that your deepest desires

Cannot be met

From reaching out

With your own hand

And building your life castle in your own sand

But child look into all that I am

I am the one who holds the plan

For your provision

Your dreams

And a life long lover

Look to me and not another

So child I say

Do you give up

Your right for independence?

The words he spoke to me while holding me in his lap

Brought the oh too familiar sting

Of the harsh life I came to bring

To him

At the meeting in the shack

I wanted to fight

I wanted to scream

I want to deny

And forget the whole thing

And run I did out the front door of my heart

Looking outside it was dreary and dark

I didn’t care just ran and ran

And looked for someone to hold my hand

I found my shredded up princess clothes

On the lonely road I chose to go

I put them on and covered and hid

I ran so far

So fast

So long

My heart of love became distant and felt completely gone

I felt my way through darkest days

Of my own choosing

Thinking I was only losing

Papa’s favor and love

I longed to have

But what I learned only made me sad

Papa never went away

He stayed and waited

While I caused my own delay

He continued to be the limitless one

Teaching me through the darkest days

Of a Papa’s never ending loving ways

I was the only one

Who caused limits of my friendship with His Son

I wanted to cower

To hang my head low

And not look him in the eye for a fear he would know

And I would be rejected again

But he continually told me

No it’s not like that

You come to me child and do not hold back

The things in your heart that I already see the words left unspoken

The destruction that leaves you repeatedly broken

Say it

Shout it

Scream it

Cry it

But child when you only deny it

You cannot see your life’s true process

That all of this mess is beauty to me

A colorful garden

I want you to see

So look child come back to the shack

I want to take you outside

And let you view

The back yard

Where your chaotic being

Is painted as a garden full of flowers and weeds

The spirit is pruning it regularly

Cutting down branches and prying away vines

Long over grown and drowning out life

Of the beautiful flower beds in your heart

Their growing their too but they need more space

This is where healing takes an aggressive pace

Ridding your soul of the brown dried up debris

The Son shines on new life giving peace

Blooms of hope and stems of new dreams

Buds of grace and vines of mercy

Creating and painting your true life story

The mess is not a bother to me but a time of hard work

Of growth

Of making new

All that I have created you

So I in the backyard of my heart shack

I gave up my right

But said please Papa hold my hand tight

When I want to let go again

And run and run to find an end

To the chaos of colliding sinful flesh

With Perfection’s Spirit

Speak to me loud Papa

So I can hear it

Papa smiled and gave me a wink

Then turned to the right and spoke a command

A horse came running up the back hill

I was shocked knowing not what to think

The white horse stood next to Papa

Papa hopped on the saddle

Then held out his hand

For me to get on

I jumped up with him on the horse

We rode and rode

Through the hilly course

Of wild flowers and tall grass

Cascading the hills on no trail or path

What a beautiful panoramic view

Breathtaking

Eye catching

With the gentle breeze blowing

The sun shining down as if the first day of spring

I felt such release that I began to sing

Softly in my soul a new song of Joy

It played through my head and all at once made so much sense

All the time I had been looking for this fulfillment

To be achieved

Through a man and a woman

Relationship

But there on the horse with my Papa that day

I learned that it was never to be that way

Although I long for human connection with a man

To be my lover and forever friend

The daring, romantic rescuer

The knight on a horse

Who battles my dragons and sets the damsel free

Can only be Papa in Jesus you see

What a revelation

What a fresh new way to live

To allow Papa to be the one who will give

Me the security of provision and protection

As we rode through the picturesque backdrop of my hearts shack

I began to smile and then laugh and laugh

A laugh of freedom and understanding

I held tightly to Papa my rescue and dream

And all at once my laughter stopped

As it began to all seem

To come down on me there as we rode through the hills

The complete tragedy that I had caused abuse

To many a man who had been in my life

Expecting them to hold the quality

Of Papa and be

Perfect and meet all my deepest princess needs

The demands I held and expectations I strove for

While in those relations were unfair and unattainable

Grief struck my heart and tears flowed once more

As we got off the horse and went through the back door

Into the shack once again

Papa looked on me and said

It’s over now

The time has come

For the grown up woman to face her one dread

I am here and will not leave

But to receive the purest healing and find relief

Let go of your shame that came with wrong perception

Its time for a paradigm shift to complete our connection

And dear child for you to ever be in relation

Again with a human man

And have it be all that in me it can

I grieved right there at Papa’s feet

I cried out loud

And said please forgive me

For judging you Papa as if you were not enough

While I told the whole world that I believed

I looked to others to make me feel safe

While you waited for me to receive

Your grace

He said it was forgiven long ago

But saying it there

Caused healing water of the Spirit to flow

Into the shack of my heart

Washing out the mire and muck

And replacing it with Papa’s beautiful art

Of the restoration tapestry hung upon the hearth of my heart

Life was being made new

Each and every part

The process though long

I realized then my life is just a it should be

Each and every day that I lived

While striving for perfection, for pleasing others, and favor with God

I gave all I could give and it was enough

There would be more and the layers are thick

But with Papa and healing time is not measured

He is happy to be with you; he’s whole and complete

Just watching his princess grow up and find more release

Of herself to him and unity

He’s not concerned that I fall desperately short

But invites me just as I am

And continues to sort

Through all the choices of independence from him has brought

And leads me to truth that I continually sought

Untangles the religious bondage taught

And gives fresh thinking and belief to my mind

A new way to live

It makes life fine

Even with chaos, destruction, and sin all around

He uses it all for life in him to truly be found

Standing at the back door just Papa and Me

He takes me back to the garden

In the backyard

There on the lawn I see

A box

Beautifully carved with life’s memories

Looking at them carved on the box was bittersweet

He says you know what to do child

To be completely set fee

Without any words

I fell to my knees

And first said it softly

I forgive me

Then it grew in my heart

And burst forth from my lips

I FORGIVE ME
IFORGIVE ME
I FORGIVE ME

I laid down my burdens

In the beautifully carved box

Then set it there in the hole dug in the ground

Papa covered it well with the fertile soil

And just as he patted the last of the loose earth

There where my burden was buried

Came new life and rebirth

A tree in front of my eye’s sprung up

It’s the tree of life child Papa joyfully said

You can walk from your time of great sadness and sorrows

And into hope-filled new life tommorrows

Right then and right there I took a deep breath

It was gone the sadness that I thought was honoring to keep

The sorrow that I felt was necessary to live in

Had lifted

Had left me

No longer my best friend

Winter after all does have an end

Spring is here

New life has begun

My time for singing has finally come

I hugged Papa with all of my being

And said I love you

And he whispered it back to me

Life was complete in the garden that day

I finally had found freedom in Papa was the only way

Then he held my face in his hands

Wiped my tears of Joy softly off of my cheeks

And said child

Your friends and family are waiting for you

I will never leave

Now your life is anew

Go back to them

Tell them

Your healing story

I’ll be close to you always

I’ll be here in your heart’s home

You’re always welcome and I’ll leave the light on

And Princess remember the old shack that once stood here

It left with the sadness as well

I looked around in the shack of my heart

It was fully restored each room; each part

Beautifully decorated

Tastefully furnished

I wanted to invite all of my loved ones here

Into the cottage refurbished in Papa’s love

Painted in hues from heaven above

He said child just be who you are in me

They will see the transformation

And the beautiful hues

Because freedom has come to you

He kissed me gently on my forehead

 I looked into his eternal eyes

There were no tears or sad good-byes

He was not leaving nor was I

But home I went down from the trail of the shack

Life was waiting

And I was joyfully anticipating

All that would come; the good and the bad

Through life lived after our time in the shack

1/13/09

Joy M. Foose