What Happened to my Little Boy?

What Happened to My Little Boy

It seemed like it was yesterday I held that soft skinned baby in my arms

I was a mama so young and scared to be in charge of such a precious task

Of raising up a little boy, now I ask

Where did the days all go when I watched you coo, toddle, and sing

Those silly songs that in my heart still ring

I look into the young man who now towers over me with those big brown eyes and as I look; I see

Short glimpses of you’re growing up years

Some dear and special others scary

Like the day you said your first “mama”; though I felt undeserving I captured that little voice

Within my heart and made the choice

To step up to the plate in life

And be your mama for all of your life

And there in those days that I remember so well

The dinosaur roars, the Simba growls, your little signature phrases of, “I’ve got a good idea, TOYS!”

And “I’m gonna cry now, the sensitive tears rolling down your cheek

As a wobbling toddler and when you felt like the middle school geek

Those in between years were so hard

You felt you didn’t belong

You tossed and swayed through the stormy days

Of preteen boy struggling to find his way

I am your mama I was always for you

I knew there was one important thing I could do

I prayed and gave you to the Lord

Asked him to hold you through this middle school storm

To give you belief within your heart

A trust in Him that would never depart

From the growing up boy in front of my eyes

“Lord give him answers to all of his questions WHY?”

Be his Savior, his King,

Comforter, Counselor, his Everything

And then came the day I never wanted to see

When my little boy felt the instant destruction

Of a completely broken heart ; barely able to function

This mama screamed no not my boy, not my baby, becoming a man

There was only one thing to do hold tighter to Jesus hand

And trust that he still had a plan

This is where the time had come for this mama working hard to raise a son

To step back and wait for the things she had taught, lived, prayed, and said

To become his own within his head

She didn’t stop praying, teaching or guiding

But she couldn’t choose for him she could only keep trying

To be the light of Jesus to her broken child

And allow Christ’s love hold him while

This vicious storm raged within his soul.  Some days it was almost too much to bear; to see your child hurt so deep

Is a mama’s most challenging feat

I wanted to take it from you there

All your pain, hurt, anger, and despair

But somehow God gave me the strength to stand beside you and just wait

I didn’t know how long it would be

Maybe when you were old and out on your own

I would scream, “Please Lord, NO!” as I moaned

And felt that ache inside my mama heart

Of the sweet little boy feeling the effects of sin

That I thought I could always protect him

And then one day out of the blue

My baby boy found his own rescue

He said mom I’ve chosen to believe again; I still have a lot of stuff inside

But my faith in God I will abide

I said thank you Faithful God

We prodded on through the effects of life’s bomb

Until the day, I prayed for so long

My boy stepped up and became a man

Made a choice some never make with the words, “I forgive you”

Oh what a day

You see that was the day my boy became a man

He choose for himself God’s resurrection power within

To have character and value and let go

To give himself worth and a chance to know

How to break free from bondage sin can cause

Alive in freedom

Break ties with crippling hurt and pain

The bomb still happened, he will never forget

The hurt was real and it had an effect

On all of his life and all of his days

But the choice he made broke off his chains

And let him step into thinking like a man of God

Honest, confident, and certainly free

The evidence of forgiveness this mama can see

Within in her little boy who is now grown

And serves his Savior on his own

Today I look and wonder “Where did my little boy go?”

That little boy didn’t go anywhere

Although the sweet little child voice is now just an echo

The memory of that little boy will remain precious everyday

That little boy is still very much here

He’s just grown up now but I know he’s near

When that big teenager comes and says’ “Mama, good morning, I love you.”

And this mama’s heart softens once again, thanking the Lord for the day

The little girl with the baby boy chose to grow up too

And become a woman through and through

And trust the one and only God

Who could help her raise her little son

She’s still on her learning journey and so is he

But together they will both see that God is faithful everyday

He will never leave us or forsake us come what may

And so Logan Michael as you graduate

I want to say I am so proud to have seen

That soft skinned baby become a handsome man

Living from the belief of “I can’t” to “I can”

What an honor to be your mama

I am eager to see your life with you

And know that with God there are no limits to what you can do

I’m on your side and one of your biggest fans

But I give the Lord my boy who is a strapping man

And say oh Sweet Father, Abba, Creator

Walk with my boy and stand with him forever

Each day God answers this mama prayer

When I see the freedom smile appear

With a calm spirit and a free heart; Jesus is your Savior this is true

And so this mama has one thing to do

I charge you Logan Michael

To stand tall with God; be a man of Confidence-honest and true

Do not look to others to define you

Look into your Heavenly Father’s truth

Be brave, be strong and sometimes that means be weak

No need to live fake and perform for the world

This is your life and no one can tell you how, Logan Foose should feel or think

Although take good instruction, encouragement, and challenge

Learn from the wise but be only you

And your mama’s prayer is that your hearts desires will come true

I charge you to walk with God all your days

Know that when you do fall away

God does not fall, or leave, or hide

He’ll stand patiently waiting by your side

Ready to welcome you back into his arms

He will walk with you all your days

Cling to him, learn from him and know his ways

For one day there will come a day

When you become a daddy

And then you will see clearly

The importance of trusting and knowing God

When a little life of your own daughter or son

Will steal your heart and you will begin to carry on

That faith that started in Grandma & Grandpa Great

Will then be yours to pass on and take

To the next generation, to give as a gift

Live for God Logan Michael; the next generation is depending on it

God’s will ,will be done regardless of you but live as his chosen

There is no other that can do what he created you to do!

What's in Your Temple?

 “My house will be called a house of prayer but you are making it a den of robbers.” - Matthew 21:13

As I study the passages of scripture that prelude the death and resurrection of Jesus, I come across this verse in Matthew. These are Jesus words after dismounting from the “donkey chariot,” finding the temple once again abused of its true purpose.  Where worship and prayer should have crowded the temple, greed and selfishness clogged the holy ambience inside its walls. The money changers set up their stations for the gentile crowds filing into town, with the “temple coins” ready to exchange for all other forms of payment;  the only currency accepted to purchase sacrifices the crowds still needed.  The dove sellers moved in their benches sporting their wares in hopes for the equivalent of black Friday shopping sales that day. 

All the while the gentiles were entering town in worship, to The Son of David that had come as prophesy told.  Children followed Jesus proclaiming “Hosanna!” which (in the original language) means, –“Divine Help save now!” Or a cry exclaiming, “Praise you!”, and worshipping their awaited Messiah.  Imagine the day radiant with sunshine, not a cloud in the sky- the unseen beauty of people coming together and the sense of community surrounding the celebration like a hometown 4^th of July parade on a tepid summer afternoon.  People waving and smiling at one another, lots of commotion.  In these hours all life trials, struggles, and divisions are put aside to celebrate! Moved to a holy surrender, the people began to remove their cloaks, laying them along the entrance into town.  Envision in your mind this eclectic patchwork road as Jesus trotted in.  Hear the jubilation aligning either side of the dirt road; shouts proclaiming the wait is over, prophesy fulfilled was riding into town, over the humble cloaks of submitted worship.  Listen to the cracks of palm branches being broken as men quickly pass them around in the gathering of worshippers.  Picture the gentle sway of palm trees waving in the air. Freedom dancing, twirling, jumping and kneeling before King Jesus.  While you are captured in the scene of what we name Palm Sunday, quiet your heart to listen to the sweet innocent child voices squealing with anticipation exclaiming “Hosanna!”  I wonder if it paralleled a bit to what children sound like as toddlers when the announcement of  “Daddy’s home!” is made. With tender little wobbly bodies they, with all the momentum mustered inside rookie legs, run to the door shouting dddaaaaaaddddddyyyyy!”  The entire way.  The purity of their uninhibited worship must have flooded the soul of Perfect Love riding on the borrowed donkey. 

Everyone celebrated!  Everyone except for the chief priests and teachers of the law. They were indicant at the shouts proceeding purely from innocent lips.  They questions Jesus about the children’s exclamations.

Jesus answered with a quote of scripture, “From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise.” (Psalm 8:2) I love that Jesus loves children so much!  He considers them enough of importance to call the high priests out on the table with a high card from the words of the one after his own heart!

Vividly visualize these events and how the tone of enthusiasm unfolds into disapproving scowls from the priests and self absorbed greed of business men.  Up until now it all seemed normal. The usual story of Palm Sunday told year after year.  Visions watched in plays, films reenacting the joyous occasion, and sermons of depictive words creating mind pictures within. Yes, this was all a part of my mind’s eye view of Jesus humble ride into Jerusalem.   But certainly not  Jesus righteously angry and clearing the temple.  

I imagine great celebration not selfishness, pride, and greed.  I usually breathe a sigh of relief that unfolding is a small portion of the honor and glory that should have been his all along.  I don’t think about the jealousy of the priests and teachers.  The fun sucking expressions on their faces.  The confrontation Jesus had while they peered at the ridiculousness of the thrown together cheap parade with their judgmental scowls and prideful body language as Jesus dismounted from the borrowed animal and stood in truth to the manipulating acts of the money changers trying to deceive the gentiles.  I don’t instinctively picture Jesus walking towards the dove sellers panning their wares to the emotionally charged crowds.  But it did happen as scripture says.   Jesus for the second time cleared the temple of the acts that kept true worship from happening.

I wonder at that point if the dove sellers began to realize their future sales career affording them the Jerusalem dream would soon come to an end.

I wonder if the threat of a Messiah brought fear to the priests watching  the High Priest who sympathizes with our weakness; angry in their temple.

I do wonder, and that turns my thoughts to life today.  To me. To you.  Because Jesus also says that our body is the living temple of the Holy Spirit.  A home for Christ to live for all who would receive.  This is what Christianity labels abundant life, or spirit filled.  If you think about the reality of this truth it is something to celebrate!  Just like the crowds on Palm Sunday!  Let’s get a little crazy people that know the Lord! Shake it up a bit! JESUS LIVES IN YOU!!!! Cut your palm branches and wave them in the air-wave them like you just don’t care!  Get loose stuffy church!  “Hosanna!” –Divine Help who saves Now- is here in me; in you!  Let’s get a little ridiculous about our worship- loud like the gentile crowd!  Pure like the children following Jesus in the temple – Shouting Hosanna-“Praise You!” Let’s be unaware of the hostile rebuke of rigid ritualistic routine! Let’s fix our eyes only on Jesus – What do you see when you look at him?  Hope -grab it!  Love -sway in it! Truth- proclaim it! Freedom- Shake off your chains! Mercy- bow to it! Purity- be washed in it! Joy- bask in it! Peace- absorb it! Forgiveness- confess it! New Life-live it! And say with all that you are “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

But let us also examine the temple, our temple; is there enough room for true worship in your body, heart, soul, mind, life?  What is obstructing true abandonment to Jesus?  Have you bowed, waving your white flag of surrender to the King of Kings? Is there a free flow of living water continually springing up in you or are your spiritual arteries clogged? Have we made the temple he gave us a house of prayer or a den of robbers?

Have we robbed our self of true worship and prayer; taking up with the priests thinking by allowing fear and lack of trust be our comfort?  Have we scowled at the ridiculousness of abandoning all to take up our cross and follow Him?  Does our body language to outsiders show judgment or love? Have the weeds of pride become so overgrown in our souls that we are no longer willing to bow to his will?  Are we continually filling our earthly home; our temple, with reasons to life in the death of Jesus?  Or are we living a free resurrection life? Jesus is alive?  Do you believe it? Do I believe it? If so does it show? Are we robbing our bodies and abusing them with addictions to food, substances, money, sex, routine religion, and hanging our hope on the next money changer booth that comes along in our life offering a quick fix, self help, and lasting hope?  Or are we believing every life giving word from the Living Word of God? Is our prayer life flourishing?  Do we long to be alone with the Lord?  Do you listen in the secret quiet place where it is only you and the Lord? Are we praying without ceasing, casting all of our cares on him because he cares for us? Are we fasting and praying? Are we standing still in awe finding in our inmost place that he alone is God?  Or are we reading off our laundry list of prayers to him out of habitual duty?  Following the do’s and don’ts but living captive to the regimen.  Are our prayer groups, small groups, and Sunday gatherings gossip circles of concern or crying out to the Father in abandonment of help, praise and worship? Do we believe that prayer changes things? That is what Jesus told the disciples after he left the city on the following morning.  “If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21:22)

Do we believe that we can be totally restored, revival can come, and Jesus is pursuing the lost through His Spirit in our lives?  If you do live expectantly, confidently, boldly, thankfully, and joyfully in the truth that brings to your life.  If not allow Jesus to clear your temple and make room for worship and prayer.

As we approach this season of celebrating Jesus death and resurrection let’s all allow our savior to gently ride into our “temple” courts as we lay down our cloaks of surrendered worship and together make a gentle eclectic path to welcome him.  It is there we will find the palm branches of joy stirring our soul to sing “Hosanna!” May our worship be true personally and corporately in the body of Christ.  As Jesus is escorted into our worship may he find a cleaned out temple waiting for him to dwell. May he discover a house of prayer for him to reside.  And may we say, “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

HAPPY EASTER SEASON EVERYONE!!!!

JESUS IS RISEN!!!
JESUS IS ALIVE!!!!
AND HE LOVES YOU!!!!!

What's in Your Temple?

 “My house will be called a house of prayer but you are making it a den of robbers.” - Matthew 21:13

As I study the passages of scripture that prelude the death and resurrection of Jesus, I come across this verse in Matthew. These are Jesus words after dismounting from the “donkey chariot,” finding the temple once again abused of its true purpose.  Where worship and prayer should have crowded the temple, greed and selfishness clogged the holy ambience inside its walls. The money changers set up their stations for the gentile crowds filing into town, with the “temple coins” ready to exchange for all other forms of payment;  the only currency accepted to purchase sacrifices the crowds still needed.  The dove sellers moved in their benches sporting their wares in hopes for the equivalent of black Friday shopping sales that day. 

All the while the gentiles were entering town in worship, to The Son of David that had come as prophesy told.  Children followed Jesus proclaiming “Hosanna!” which (in the original language) means, –“Divine Help save now!” Or a cry exclaiming, “Praise you!”, and worshipping their awaited Messiah.  Imagine the day radiant with sunshine, not a cloud in the sky- the unseen beauty of people coming together and the sense of community surrounding the celebration like a hometown 4^th of July parade on a tepid summer afternoon.  People waving and smiling at one another, lots of commotion.  In these hours all life trials, struggles, and divisions are put aside to celebrate! Moved to a holy surrender, the people began to remove their cloaks, laying them along the entrance into town.  Envision in your mind this eclectic patchwork road as Jesus trotted in.  Hear the jubilation aligning either side of the dirt road; shouts proclaiming the wait is over, prophesy fulfilled was riding into town, over the humble cloaks of submitted worship.  Listen to the cracks of palm branches being broken as men quickly pass them around in the gathering of worshippers.  Picture the gentle sway of palm trees waving in the air. Freedom dancing, twirling, jumping and kneeling before King Jesus.  While you are captured in the scene of what we name Palm Sunday, quiet your heart to listen to the sweet innocent child voices squealing with anticipation exclaiming “Hosanna!”  I wonder if it paralleled a bit to what children sound like as toddlers when the announcement of  “Daddy’s home!” is made. With tender little wobbly bodies they, with all the momentum mustered inside rookie legs, run to the door shouting dddaaaaaaddddddyyyyy!”  The entire way.  The purity of their uninhibited worship must have flooded the soul of Perfect Love riding on the borrowed donkey. 

Everyone celebrated!  Everyone except for the chief priests and teachers of the law. They were indicant at the shouts proceeding purely from innocent lips.  They questions Jesus about the children’s exclamations.

Jesus answered with a quote of scripture, “From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise.” (Psalm 8:2) I love that Jesus loves children so much!  He considers them enough of importance to call the high priests out on the table with a high card from the words of the one after his own heart!

Vividly visualize these events and how the tone of enthusiasm unfolds into disapproving scowls from the priests and self absorbed greed of business men.  Up until now it all seemed normal. The usual story of Palm Sunday told year after year.  Visions watched in plays, films reenacting the joyous occasion, and sermons of depictive words creating mind pictures within. Yes, this was all a part of my mind’s eye view of Jesus humble ride into Jerusalem.   But certainly not  Jesus righteously angry and clearing the temple.  

I imagine great celebration not selfishness, pride, and greed.  I usually breathe a sigh of relief that unfolding is a small portion of the honor and glory that should have been his all along.  I don’t think about the jealousy of the priests and teachers.  The fun sucking expressions on their faces.  The confrontation Jesus had while they peered at the ridiculousness of the thrown together cheap parade with their judgmental scowls and prideful body language as Jesus dismounted from the borrowed animal and stood in truth to the manipulating acts of the money changers trying to deceive the gentiles.  I don’t instinctively picture Jesus walking towards the dove sellers panning their wares to the emotionally charged crowds.  But it did happen as scripture says.   Jesus for the second time cleared the temple of the acts that kept true worship from happening.

I wonder at that point if the dove sellers began to realize their future sales career affording them the Jerusalem dream would soon come to an end.

I wonder if the threat of a Messiah brought fear to the priests watching  the High Priest who sympathizes with our weakness; angry in their temple.

I do wonder, and that turns my thoughts to life today.  To me. To you.  Because Jesus also says that our body is the living temple of the Holy Spirit.  A home for Christ to live for all who would receive.  This is what Christianity labels abundant life, or spirit filled.  If you think about the reality of this truth it is something to celebrate!  Just like the crowds on Palm Sunday!  Let’s get a little crazy people that know the Lord! Shake it up a bit! JESUS LIVES IN YOU!!!! Cut your palm branches and wave them in the air-wave them like you just don’t care!  Get loose stuffy church!  “Hosanna!” –Divine Help who saves Now- is here in me; in you!  Let’s get a little ridiculous about our worship- loud like the gentile crowd!  Pure like the children following Jesus in the temple – Shouting Hosanna-“Praise You!” Let’s be unaware of the hostile rebuke of rigid ritualistic routine! Let’s fix our eyes only on Jesus – What do you see when you look at him?  Hope -grab it!  Love -sway in it! Truth- proclaim it! Freedom- Shake off your chains! Mercy- bow to it! Purity- be washed in it! Joy- bask in it! Peace- absorb it! Forgiveness- confess it! New Life-live it! And say with all that you are “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

But let us also examine the temple, our temple; is there enough room for true worship in your body, heart, soul, mind, life?  What is obstructing true abandonment to Jesus?  Have you bowed, waving your white flag of surrender to the King of Kings? Is there a free flow of living water continually springing up in you or are your spiritual arteries clogged? Have we made the temple he gave us a house of prayer or a den of robbers?

Have we robbed our self of true worship and prayer; taking up with the priests thinking by allowing fear and lack of trust be our comfort?  Have we scowled at the ridiculousness of abandoning all to take up our cross and follow Him?  Does our body language to outsiders show judgment or love? Have the weeds of pride become so overgrown in our souls that we are no longer willing to bow to his will?  Are we continually filling our earthly home; our temple, with reasons to life in the death of Jesus?  Or are we living a free resurrection life? Jesus is alive?  Do you believe it? Do I believe it? If so does it show? Are we robbing our bodies and abusing them with addictions to food, substances, money, sex, routine religion, and hanging our hope on the next money changer booth that comes along in our life offering a quick fix, self help, and lasting hope?  Or are we believing every life giving word from the Living Word of God? Is our prayer life flourishing?  Do we long to be alone with the Lord?  Do you listen in the secret quiet place where it is only you and the Lord? Are we praying without ceasing, casting all of our cares on him because he cares for us? Are we fasting and praying? Are we standing still in awe finding in our inmost place that he alone is God?  Or are we reading off our laundry list of prayers to him out of habitual duty?  Following the do’s and don’ts but living captive to the regimen.  Are our prayer groups, small groups, and Sunday gatherings gossip circles of concern or crying out to the Father in abandonment of help, praise and worship? Do we believe that prayer changes things? That is what Jesus told the disciples after he left the city on the following morning.  “If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21:22)

Do we believe that we can be totally restored, revival can come, and Jesus is pursuing the lost through His Spirit in our lives?  If you do live expectantly, confidently, boldly, thankfully, and joyfully in the truth that brings to your life.  If not allow Jesus to clear your temple and make room for worship and prayer.

As we approach this season of celebrating Jesus death and resurrection let’s all allow our savior to gently ride into our “temple” courts as we lay down our cloaks of surrendered worship and together make a gentle eclectic path to welcome him.  It is there we will find the palm branches of joy stirring our soul to sing “Hosanna!” May our worship be true personally and corporately in the body of Christ.  As Jesus is escorted into our worship may he find a cleaned out temple waiting for him to dwell. May he discover a house of prayer for him to reside.  And may we say, “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

HAPPY EASTER SEASON EVERYONE!!!!

JESUS IS RISEN!!!
JESUS IS ALIVE!!!!
AND HE LOVES YOU!!!!!

Beautiful Feet

Isaiah 52:7 “How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring Good News.”

I must tell you about a little girl named Zoe.  I met her while on a mission trip to an orphanage in Jamaica.  Zoe is a spunky active little girl who lives at the orphanage and goes to kindergarten just like any other child.  But life for Zoe, like most children I met, had a most unpleasant start.  Upon arrival to the children’s home as an infant, Zoe was completely worn out and exhausted from screaming and crying with no one attending to her helpless attempts for rescue so much, that pollups formed on her vocal cords and to this day she talks in a very hoarse and raspy tone.  The story is told that Zoe, unlike most infants, who are still curled up from being in their mother’s womb and snuggled in blankets, was limp and lifeless with limbs open upon arrival to the orphanage; silent and without a voice.  The staff had to tightly swaddle her and hold her close to them for her to be able to begin to learn attachment, bonding, and to “bring her back to life”.  Thank goodness for the love and care that she has been given over her tender years and although very needy Zoe is an active, lively, and thriving child.  I had the honor to meet Zoe in a very special way while at the Robin's Nest. I was sitting in a wooden rocking chair the first morning of our trip drinking a cup of coffee and taking in all the busy activities of the morning as the children were getting off to school.  Still completely overwhelmed emotionally by the entire situation of last nights drive up the steep mountain in a terrain of pot holes and partially paved roads inside the lavish tropical landscape while riding in an overpopulated jalopy of a van, to this little “city on a hill” orphanage. The shock of hitting the ground running  upon arrival- feeding and holding babies, changing diapers, reading devotions & praying with girls, and acting as a human jungle gym, not to mention a giant community Kleenex for many noses. Needless to say the familiar taste and inviting smell of coffee was very welcoming as I tightly held the mug and sat quietly anticipating how the day would unfold.  I did not know what to expect from this mission trip. I went with only an open mind to go and step into whatever God had waiting for me.  What was waiting was more than I could have ever dreamed, hoped, or imagined. 

Quietly, without a word or even eye contact little Zoe knelt down in front of me that sunny morning and began gently wiping my feet with a damp white cloth. The room came to a hush as the chaos echoed distantly while I sat in the rocking chair with the most humbling and indescribable feeling in my soul.  I came to serve. I came to be the beautiful feet to bring the good news up this mountain to the little ones, and here she was, this precious orphan child tenderly wiping my feet.  What seemed like forever was probably under a minute while she continued washing my feet very diligently with her little white cloth as tears rolled down my cheeks.  Zoe did not know me.  Zoe did not know that I was going to this place to get out of myself and the brokenness of my own life as a step of healing.  Zoe didn't know that I too had been in a season of feeling lifeless, limbs open, and numb to the devastation of a personal blow to my heart. Zoe did not know that the grieving of my soul had left me spiritually hoarse; worn out and exhausted from my crying attempts of rescue. No Zoe did not know but rescue came so specifically in that time because you see Zoe and I have one strong thing in common- we have the same Father and he knew.  I came to serve in this place and here I was being served humbly and graciously by this little princess of the Most High God.  In those moments my white skin and her black skin faded.  In those moments my comfortable wealthy western culture lifestyle and her poverty melted.  Yes there in those moments the ground at the foot of the cross was level.  No greater no less.  We were both the least of these.  Those moments changed me eternally forever.

Soon Zoe rose from her serving position, she did not look at me only jumped up and pranced away and jumped into the chaos and excitement of the morning with all the other children and merrily went off to school.  I really had to get alone with God to even be able to process the events of those moments.  And as I did God spoke this truth to my heart, “You are no different than my beloved Zoe, you are the same and your meager attempts to serve and love me are just as pleasurable and pleasing to me as little Zoe, who I am so fond of, washing your feet, all beautiful in my sight.” 

The next morning I had a divine appointment to play with and love on Zoe.  We never spoke of that intimate eternal moment when she sat at my feet but we giggled,  cuddled, and swung without care on the swing set.

Did you know that Zoe means life?  

Thank you Zoe for being like Jesus and bringing life to my soul.  You are such a precious little princess, I will forever hold a serious affection for how beautiful, like Jesus, you are!

Is God calling you out?

Out of your normal?

Out of your predictable?

Out of your comfortable?

Is God asking you to do something crazy with his love?

Are you in need of overcoming! -I encourage and challenge to find healing in loving and serving others!

He is calling you!  Serve - Go...Go!

Today where you are, you will be forever changed and you will realize the walls fall down as the Savior's love convinces us through serving by the power of his Holy Spirit that we are all the least of these.....

Before you Cross the Line

Some thoughts have been dancing around in my head
they come and go and I leave them unsaid
but as I sit here in the quiet of this hour
I wonder if these thoughts could have a greater power.
To minister, heal and be a light in the dark
To capture even the most stubborn of heart
The words to come upon this page may seem to some to be said out of hate
Angry, fear, sadness and grief
But know my friend I only write to bring relief
A clarity perhaps into confusion
Where it is unveiled the road that you've considered choosing
I've chose it too
I 've dreamed of living in the gray
And even lived it out I'm so sorry to say
Felt the effects of others living it out too
The gray of someone fleeing away
That was once held dear and so close inside
But true love in Christ must not hide
Cover up
Mask or give a haughty impress
Bring your ear close friend and give a listen
not to the tragedy that I've faced
But to truth and consequences
that I thought would steal grace
From the precious ones I hold so dear and to my own shaking spirit drenched in fear
so today dear soul as she slowly combs her fingers through her hair and ties you in with her glances and stares
And his conversation sweet as honey
please listen friend
This sorrowful message that I now send.
It starts with a glance a look a wavering thought and for many a reason it lingers on the secret dark and hidden away grows more the lust day after day until the telling moment when you break the bond you made to your best friend and cross the line you swore never to
You've climbed the fence and sat on its edge
the pain of sitting in the middle of gray you could not do for one more day
Of living fake and living double
You crossed the line not thinking of the trouble
The ripple effect; the truth of consequence
Who are you now
do you have a defense
The looks the glances the innocent words are now all gone it has all taken a turn for the worst
But worst right now it might not seem
 maybe a relief to you it will bring
but only for a season
and for the most shallow of all reasons
You justify mull and preach to yourself in your head
as the you you once were lies silent and dead
its captured and gagged and locked tight away
You are now the new you where you feel a new day
the grass seems greener
day seems clear
But oh friend here me it is drawing so near
where the you locked away must come out
You will find it bit by bit starting with a whisper and slowly growing to a shout
You will see it first in your bank account
That leaves you in a negative state as it unfolds it will be a most unfortunate of fates
that is only the surface friend
the you inside is begging to see the falseness that lust made you to be
And pride its most truest companion of all
They say it comes before the fall
fall you did in their little eyes
so innocent as you take a look in their grief stricken skies
The battle they suffer because of your sin
Is hurting them even deeper within
Where they question God and all that they once held true
of family and fun and the hero they saw in you
The pain if you look is the most frightening to the heart
when all that was safe if torn apart,
So if you are there friend, with lust whispering in your ear
And the security of pride taking hold of you
Flee
Run as fast as you can
Do not look back even for a glance
I promise you friend take this bold and daring chance
be vulnerable in the confession state
Do it now you must
do not wait
Their eyes have not yet cried those horrific tears
you have not yet heard the silence where there was once peace and love
Friend turn and run
If my friend you are sitting on the fence teetering back and forth to and fro
On a black and gray see saw controlling your soul
take a step back
stop teetering on the fence
you can still return you can still live right
Turn around
Get off
Do not hide
Light will shine forth on you
Tend your garden
Make it fresh and renewed
Water the flowers let their roots grow deep
the produce of joy you will soon reap
And peace like a river
Will flow strongly through you
connecting to the source
of who delivers you
And reconciles you again to his son
 live in your garden my friend
Spring has sprung
 new life is waiting
 the fantasy was a farce
a cheap deceiving counterfeit lie
from the pit of hell
do not deny
Its roots are shallow
its reality was fake
Look in front of you and see
 be alive
be awake
live in your moments with the people who love you
commit
and recommit
to the life given to you

Christmas Cookies

Hello Everyone!

Since the ingenious invention of Face Book, I have finally succumbed to, I will refer you to my page to see updates of our family and what life has brought for 2010!  It certainly has been a whirlwind filled with many exciting accomplishments, adjustments, changes, challenges, excursions, hard work, and life lessons learned. Instead I want to share a thought I have been pondering relevant to the holiday season.

I have been wrestling with the fact that God uses us; flawed, fearful, sceptic, limited, humans to carry out his purposes.  The whole thing really blows me away actually.  I think about how with the sound of His voice the storm in the sea is stilled; it takes us grueling weeks to contain an oil spill in a small part of the ocean.  How by the touch of his hand sick are healed; it takes us scheduling appointments, creating medicine to put people in a sleep state, and then cutting into them with a knife.  His presence alone causes the sinful woman at the well to have her heart melted to him which causes her to go tell all of the people who had mocked her and labeled her as an inbred; of his love. It takes us praying, building relationships, and lots of time for most souls to soften to a faith in Jesus.  With the sound of his voice the dead rise, we can't even touch that.  So why does God ask us to participate in his Kingdom agenda?  Why does he cast us with roles in his story?  My mind is small but understands more and more that His ways are not my ways. Even still, I had this thought that touched a bit on what it might possibly be like for God to have us to participate with Him in reaching lost and hurting people.

Maybe it's a little bit like baking cookies with my boys when they were little.  There were many holiday sessions around the dining room table of creating and decorating delectable holiday delights with my little aspiring future "Cake Bosses.'" Before I ever entered into these not-even-close-to-Martha Stewart moments, I would literally have to mentally prepare for the whole process.  I would reason with myself,  " I could get this done a lot faster without them, the cookies would have a lot neater decor, the mess would be a fraction of what it would be, I would not have to play the cookie dough police, there would be no fighting on who got to stir first, and they would still have cookies to eat, it would get done.  Somehow my heart would win over all the rational reasoning . I told myself its going to be messy, their will be sprinkles everywhere, attention spans will run out, the cookies will have sloppy angel wings, crooked Santa faces, and the Christmas trees will not be ever-green they will most likely be ever-black; its OK.   "JUST DO IT MOM!"  I'd get my game face on, play the invigorating Christmas tunes to pump me up; it's GO time!

Sprinkles flew! Frosting wars were had!  Finger licking occurred (sorry to those of you who received our cookies)! The boys bounced in and out of their seats as the dog sniffed his way to the kitchen counter where the cookies cooled to sneak a few of the warm morsels. Yes it took a lot more effort when those little assistant chef's in training invaded the kitchen and a power of the wills began as to who would get to stir first and who would get to lick the beater. As a mom I would lace the whole process with little sentence prayers for God to help me and give me patience NOW!  For Him to please turn down the "Mom's about to blow" temperature when it seemed like a big experience of maddening chaos erupting within the confines of my dining room and kitchen. Why was it so important that they were there?  Why did it matter that we did this together?

Why?  As a mom with now teenage and pre-teen boys that are just a few short steps into adult hood I hold those memories dear!  Now treasures tucked away in my mind, are those chubby little undeveloped fine motor skilled hands intensely spreading frosting and shaking sprinkles.  Looking in on the moment I see brown eyes sparkling on little boy faces while standing on a dining room chair holding up a dripping masterpiece covered in frosting with a finishing touch of sprinkle overdose; adorned with a smiling face looking for affirmation saying, "Mama how'd I do?" which would be my cue for crazy cheering and clapping with hugs and kisses followed by kind words over the Picasso cookies.  One of my son's even recently said,  "Remember when we made all those cookies on our long dining room table? That was fun wasn't it mom?  At the time it seemed like work more than fun. I usually ended with a backache, cookie dough embedded into my clothing, and a date with the vacuum! But looking back there was so much more going on.  There were lessons being learned in reading as we read the directions, science as the ingredients were mixed together making a new creation,  math in measuring out the list of ingredients, and art as we mixed colors and planned patterns on the sweet shapes.  Skills of sharing with your neighbor as the frosting was passed from one boy to the other, encouraging as I did my crazy cheer leading thing, and loving your brother even when he got to stir first.  But more than those teachable aspects; it was the experience of just being with my boys and sharing life with them because I just plain have crazy love for them. They mattered to me and because they matter I wanted them there. I wouldn't trade those times for anything!

I have to wonder if God using us is kind of like the cookie baking experiences I have had with my boys.  Sure he could get it done a lot faster without us .  The outcomes would be beautifully perfect and unflawed.  There would be no quarreling among brothers.  It would not get messy.  He would not have to police our pride and and humanness dipping into to take a bite of the credit that is His alone.  There would be no creature (Satan) sneaking around unknown ready to steal the outcomes.  But God loves us, I believe that. God has crazy love for us that doesn't even touch on the crazy love I have for my boys.  And because God loves us we matter to Him.  And because we matter to Him-He wants us there sharing in the things that he is doing with and for His creation.  Sometimes I like to imagine God in Heaven doing a happy dance with all the angels and saints, kind of like my crazy cheer leading thing when a soul connects with the message of the gospel and goes from death to life or when a believer of Jesus goes to a deeper level of intimacy and "getting it."  And sometimes I dream about how I, just like my little boys who stood looking to me for an affirming word of accomplishment, will stand blue eyes sparkling on a gold paved street with my life mosaic piece infused with ingredients of sin, humanness and fallen flesh, but covered and dripping with heaping amounts of grace frosting and an overdose of mercy sprinkles and I say, "Daddy, how'd I do?"  And he replies "Well Done."

This Christmas it is my prayer that we can all understand this crazy love God has for us just a little more.  No, God doesn't need us but He wants us and He is waiting for us to join up with Him. First by a decision of faith to trust that he came as a baby in a manger, lived as a human without sin, and died on a cross as a Savior.  Then to become Holy-Spirit filled, sold out, followers of Christ- knowing that he wants our human efforts, as messy as they may be, to further his kingdom. Merry Christmas to everyone!

Love, 

The Ever-Flawed-Grace-Dipped Fopma-Foose Bunch

Aaron, Joy, Logan, Collin, Nick, Brittany, and Trey

Forget the Beef..."Where's the Turkeys?"

A phone call last week revealed that the local grocer kindly offering to bake off the turkeys for our annual community Thanksgiving meal, was desperately short on the turkeys needed.  We spoke on the phone of the details and he informed me that his staff would begin the thawing process that afternoon but only had 8 turkeys to unthaw.  We needed at least double that and preferably 20 turkeys. PANIC crept in and my close friend worry helped me engage in my easy come freak out mode.  I prayed, and worried, and prayed, and worried some more.  I went through my morning routine at home anxious and stressed about the matter.  I finally hopped into my car and began to head into work.  On the drive into town I said, "Ok God, I'm just going to be quiet and let you talk I have nothing here."  There was no audible out loud voice  that gave me specific instructions on how to acquire the amount of turkeys needed but there was the stillness in my car and a quickening of my spirit connecting to the Holy Spirit of Christ. The same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, living in me, a follower of Jesus that spoke quietly to my soul- " If you could know in your depths of my love you would know that I alone am your provider."  I prayed in my spirit "I believe, help my unbelief."
Soon I arrived at Whoop-Ti-Doos (my work place and location of the community Thanksgiving meal).  I walked up to the back door to unlock it and sitting on the back stoop were 2 turkeys.  A smile came to my face and my spirit. I began preparations for the day a little less anxious.  Soon the staff I would be working with that day arrived.  I said good morning and began speaking to her in a frenzy as if the two turkeys precariously sitting on the back stoop earlier that morning had never occurred!  "Darla, I'm freaking out, Hy-Vee is starting to thaw out our turkeys this afternoon and we are short on turkeys, we really need to pray about this!"  No longer did that statement get out of my mouth than the ding of the back door bell sounded and in walked a lady from the community.  She randomly asked, "Are you still in need of turkeys for your Thanksgiving meal?"  I looked at Darla and laughed out loud!  "Yes!", I stated! "You are actually an answer to prayer we are short on turkeys!" She led me out to her car and handed me the turkey from her back seat! At that moment I was being humbled in a huge blessing of provision and my faith for the moment went to a high level of belief and awe of the specificness of God answering my "worry-wart prayer."  I went inside and Darla and I offered a prayer of thankfulness for the turkeys and asked God to provide exactly the amount we would need for the upcoming celebration.  We went through the lunch hour rush enjoying the blessing and provision God was pouring out from heaven.  I was so full of belief in those hours I thought it could actually begin to rain turkeys from heaven! Well that did not happen, but later that afternoon Darla answered a phone call and motioned me over to her.  With a smile on her face, she said "There's a guy on the phone wanting to know if you are still needing turkeys!"  He called back later that afternoon saying that he purchased 6 turkeys and took them to Hy-Vee!  By the time I layed my head on my pillow that night we were up to 22 turkeys! As I type this I believe that we have 25+ turkeys unthawing in the coolers at Hy-Vee!  This was not only a testimony of how faithful our living God is and what a mighty provider he is but that my little boxed God does not work.  It is when we turn our hands from white knuckled to our own control and in faith lay them out and turn them upward is when God can be the awesome and mighty one that he so wants to be, in us and through us! Matthew 6:31-33 "So do not worry saying what, "What shall we eat? or What shall we drink? or What shall we wear?"  The pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

May this story of how specific and faithful God is encourage your heart and lead you into belief and a attitude of thankfulness - no matter your circumstances, heart condition, or situation-God is waiting for your heart to turn soft to him as you surrender with hands open and upward to his provision in your life.  Believe that he  can meet your needs better that you ever could on your own! He met your greatest need by sending his son Jesus (John 3:16) to die for all of our control freak, worry wart, actions of unbelief (just to name a few) sins and provided a way to salvation and eternal life though his perfect life.  Will you believe today?  Look around to find the "turkey sitting on your doorstep" it is there waiting....Happy, Happy Thanksgiving!