Rambling prayer of A Full Mama Heart

Lord... Thank you for a full heart this weekend.
Thank you for showing yourself the faithful one, the consistent one, the One we can trust.

I stood at my oldest son's graduation hearing his class belt out the old hymn "Take My Life and Let it Be"  They chose it as their class song.  Sang it on the mission fields all over the world.  Sang it on bus trips to while ministering to youth around the country, sang it in the morning after corporate exercise, sang it during days of fasting, days of celebrating and now they were singing it as their send off to go  into the world; after taking a year to ground their adult lives in Christ, be disciplined and trained, and to set apart Christ as Lord as they sought his purpose and plan for each of their futures.  They became a family over that year.  Hearing the words ring out through young hearts unified-passionately with everything they had while electric guitars and drums brought the 1874 written lyrics in tune with their generation; put my mama heart to the top of the brim and overflowing.

(Honor Academy's School of Worship Link to song)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQAf7trPQAA

...Take my life, and let it be

Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;

Take my moments and my days,

Let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands, and let them move

At the impulse of Thy love;

Take my feet, and let them be

Swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing

Always, only, for my King;

Take my lips, and let them be

Filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold:

Not a mite would I withhold;

Take my intellect, and use

Every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine,

It shall be no longer mine;

Take my heart, it is Thine own,

It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord, I pour

At Thy feet its treasure store;

Take myself, and I will be,

Ever, only, all for Thee...

The hurt, pain, toil, the dark days, the teaching and training and reteaching and retraining that never seemed to end sometimes was all worth it seeing You Lord had brought him to this moment in time. You helped me through as a mom not having a clue as to what to do most of the time.  But just squeaking out those help me prayers, "Holy Spirit speak through me," as I parented this child over the past almost 20 years.  If I had a dollar for all the times he made statements like, I hate myself, nobody likes me, I am a loser, or I can't, I would be a wealthy woman.  But your voice of truth continued to speak through the darkness in his heart.  You are the only voice and your truth is the only truth that shatters lies and outshines darkness in the soul.Thank you for that Sweet, Holy, Faithful, Unchanging Father.

As Honor Academy graduates continued to sing you gave me the snapshot glimpses of his life from the little bulge in my belly that I almost chose a devastating end to before life outside of the womb existed for him, to his little chubby person cuddly small and changing the world for the better with his captivating brown eyes and innocent smile.  To his awkward big tooth stage where he began to question himself, to the unsure- unsteady middle schooler who hated himself, to the 14 year old who felt brokenness... I wasn't sure he would recover from... who turned his back on God while anger and bitterness posed as a faithful friend to him.  But Lord you never relented even when he did, even when I did.  I saw the boy the day he turned into a man face to face forgiving his father and how healing rushed into his burning up soul.  I saw a young man dealing with hurt so heavy on his shoulders and you taking that hurt as he gave it over to you.  I saw a man fall in love more deep and wide than it ever had been with a Savior who was now so real and relevant to all he is.  And now I see a mighty Man of God, because he has and is dying to himself, the lies that tried to take him. I see a man who has learned that he is wrong sometimes and authority is good.  I see a man who looks to others above himself sacrificially..that is an example to me.  I see a man who has a calling on his life, a direction and purpose as you pursue him for full-time mission work.  I see a man who does not want to be distracted even with a married relationship in order to be solely focused on kingdom agenda.  I see the man that I prayed for so many years for that little baby, toddler, boy, teenager to become. Far from perfect he is,  but looking to perfection as he fixes his eyes on You, Jesus, The Author and Perfecter of his faith.

And so my mama heart that has been full of questions, worry, doubt, uncertainty, the ever flowing "what-if's" pacing inside, is now full exploding with ceaseless praise to You Good King! Yes I was proud of my son, it's remarkable if you have lived closely inside his story to see this slow; yet sharp transformation in his life, but I knew it wasn't him it was You. So as the mama you have allowed me to be fulfilling my deepest heart's longing, if anything I boast; I boast about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who makes the impossible possible to all who call upon his name. The one who loves boundlessly without end, who pursues consistently, yet who does not force but opens the path to follow or to go one's own way.  Thank you Logan for following your Savior's way.  Thank you Holy Spirit of the Living God for filling us up on the inside so that we can choose to die daily and follow you. 

Lord Jesus, Take the glory, renown and praise for all of this, I celebrate today.  Yes Lord I wanted to as a human mama pack him up in the van as I said my weeping good-bye yesterday and still protect and effect him like when he was little.  But I know that is not best. So I still pray for this child you have allowed in my life Lord Jesus, King of Kings and Lord of Lord's the one who counts the hairs on our heads, calls out the starts by name, numbers the grains of sands on the beaches and yet still knows our name and calls us friend. Do more than I can dream, hope for, pray or imagine in my son Logan Michael.  I do not pray for safety; I pray for your glory inside his life for where your glory is is the safest place he can be.  I do not pray for earthly riches as normal as it may seem to my American life and the tangible; I pray for heavenly treasure that nothing will destroy for him in eternity, I do not pray for accolades or degrees of paper unless you see fit but I pray that through Your life inside of him names may be written in the Lamb's Book of Life, I pray that your Glory in His life will captivate others to die in order to truly live. I declare him a Child of the Most High King who darkness cannot touch, where lies must not infiltrate and where truth will continually set him free.  I thank you Lord that even though he may suffer, he has victory in You and the work of the Cross completes whatever life trials he may walk.  I thank you that You that lives inside of him are greater than the one who lives in this world.  Satan you are bound up.  I thank you Satan for hating my son because of all the life-giving power of Jesus that flows out of him...It will continue and you have no power up against the mighty name of Jesus we trust and love.  And heavenly father thank you for all the unseen you have completed in my son's deepest places things that you have done for him that we are both unaware of.

I give him over again to you he was never mine.  I hold him loosely and lead him once again to my Great King.  May you be his measuring stick of holiness, his grace card of forgiveness, the good medicine as his healer and the joy of his heart.  Now and forever more.  Thank you Jesus.  Your good. Amen.

His Promise Fulfilled.  His truth that will not return void.

Isaiah 61:1-11

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
    that have been devastated for generations.
⁵ Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
    foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
⁶ And you will be called priests of the Lord,
    you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
    and in their riches you will boast.

⁷ Instead of your shame
    you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
    you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
    and everlasting joy will be yours.

⁸ “For I, the Lord, love justice;
    I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
    and make an everlasting covenant with them.
⁹ Their descendants will be known among the nations
    and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
    that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

¹⁰ I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
¹¹ For as the soil makes the sprout come up
    and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
    and praise spring up before all nations.