38

It was yesterday.  The birthday.  Sure when I was little I couldn't wait to get a little older, a little bigger. But now as those numbers creep closer to the big one, 40, it really is more of a have to!  None the less it was a great day. I felt incredibly blessed and humbled by all the intimate and intentional wishes, gestures, and ways friends and family made the creeping up numbers seem like no big deal. 

But I pondered as I quite often do and to a look back.  The 20 year old Joy would have expected the 38 year old Joy to now have her custom built home, decorated to the hilt, while wearing her unlimited supply of designer clothing with an airbrushed body off the cover of Runner's World.  The 20 year old Joy would have expected the 38 year old Joy to have the lake house, the gourmet elegantly planned out meals, the "perfect" picture of the Perfect lifestyle of the American dream.  A lot of pressure I know, it's hard being me, LOL!  Well here I am 38 year old Joy.. and I have to say I'm sorry 20 year old Joy to have sorely disappointed you.  But I have a few things to say to you little miss 20...

We were sadly mistaken...I am finding out that the whole "American Dream, Keeping up with the Jones thing" is a hoax!Yeah it's good to work hard, be a good steward, and take care of your body the temple you have been given for God to dwell in. But.... the rest is a farce. The tangible distraction that constantly dangles like a carrot in front of us while running in the hamster wheel of life trying to get the next thing is not where it is at.  OK, so maybe we are a slow learner but 33 started scratching the surface of this and 38 is digging in and letting go of the lie.  The lie that even church was like a fun club of super happy people who had life put together because they would tell you when asked how are you ..fine...good...great with our country club smiles and neatly planned out wardrobes as to hide any complications.  The lie that we were above certain sins and sinners because we didn't do those things and we didn't go to those places.  Seriously 20 you had it all wrong. Not True. None of us ever had it all put together and none of us ever had that great of a life...truth is we are living in a fallen world that a promise has been declared to us here we, "Will have trouble." And 20 trouble came to you.  If anyone would have told you the trouble we'd go through I think it probably would have taken you; fragile as you were hanging unto a castle made in the sand dream.  But 20 take heart; the trouble did not take us! Because the declared promise that is actually the words of Jesus, you know the guy that saved your life and then you had a genie in the bottle relationship with for quite sometime, ends with "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world!" (John 16:33) So 20, Jesus did this really cool thing.  While 33 thought she was gonna die in a pile of sadness and grief.  He pulled her through and made her strong, he rebuilt us.  It took a precious little orphan washing 34's feet for us to figure it out, but hey it happened, and life is so different now. 

So here I am 38. thinking back on all this and I realize 38 your at a crossroads.  As much as you have changed there are still so many patterns, habits, and choices that remain. It's ingrained in you 38.  And 38 it can't be both ways.  Sure there's been lots of change and for the better but there is now a fork in the road.  The American Dream, the lavished life, the comfort, the "Way it's always been" for your culture, the it's all about you, take care of you, is on one turn.  The abandon it all for the sake of the cross life is on the other.  And it can't just be talk anymore, it can't just be giving that doesn't hurt. You 38, have to decide. It's not going to "Save" you that gift has already been given.  That price has already been paid.  There is nothing that can snatch you out of His hand.  You are sealed with a promise.  But 38 what will you do with knowing that promise has been sealed on you? Eternity. Has.Been. Sealed. On. You.  38 decide.

And so me, myself and I thought and pondered over life that had been, life that was, and life that was constantly coming to be.  And I weighed the satisfaction.  Hey I can't lie expensive jeans with bling on the pockets gives me a thrill.  But when weighed up against praying the Holy name of Jesus over a dying girl laying on a borrowed sheet in Africa and watching her sit up and talk and then walk away....now I'm thinking, "What jeans?" When I think about a beautiful home where I can nest and nurture and care for my family and do the mom and wife thing that I love so I think yeah Jesus would want that for me right?  Well weighed up against his words "Foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head," (Luke 9:58) don't really think that my lavished home is gonna get noticed on the day I stand before Jesus.  I don't think Jesus is gonna say, "Oh I'm soo glad you bought that print on the wall, it matched so nicely with the accent pillows on the couch."  But he might say "When I was hungry you gave me something to eat, thirsty something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I was in prison and you visited me...whatever you did for the least of these you did for me." (Matthew somewhere, you go find it; worth the dig!) 38 you're beginning to "get it" but now Jesus is asking you what will it be? You can't have it both ways. Just like the rich young ruler he talked to in the bible who was a really good guy.  Followed the law, even believed.  But he too came to that fork in the road, cross roads, moment-of-life and Jesus flat out said as he looked on this man with love, my road includes."Go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." (Mark 10) That rich man had it all but as Jesus said "He lacked one thing." 38 what is your one thing?  Reader, what is your "one thing"? It's time to make your choice 38, it's very clear where you are. Where will you head?  Jesus has been more than patient and extremely gentle waiting as you toyed with the world and your now shattered glass dream, it's time for another stake in the ground decision, you know the "No turning back, no turning back" kind of decision you sing about when you say you have decided to follow Jesus.  

The choice is yours 38.  I hope 40 can declare, "There is no downhill from here we are just gonna keep climbing this deny yourself take up your cross and follow mountain, embracing the love inlets of peace, and embracing the high altitude of learning how to breath deeper with less air, living better not because of more comfort, convenience, and ease of lifestyle but because the uphill climb of letting go of it all has made you strong, a woman who's "Arms are strong for her tasks and who's lamp does not go out at night." (Proverbs 31)..  I hope 40 you are heavy into the uphill climb so as to someday hear when you get to the top of that beautiful breathtaking view  on the mountain top "Well Done."