“Plan to be surprised” –Dan in Real Life
This Thanksgiving has certainly been a tradition breaker and what I have found in the circumstance of broken tradition is that although the human tends to naturally resists change a new way and a different path can be a breath of fresh air in the heart.
You see, normally my family all gathers together for Thanksgiving at my mom and (we don’t like the word step) “bonus”-dad’s home. If you were to see pictures you would notice the festive atmosphere my mother had worked hard to create the days preceding the big “Day of Thanks,” fine china around the tables, the traditional “kids table” that you as an adult hopped you wouldn’t get stuck sitting at should you be one of the last seated. You would see the lighted candles scattered throughout the house amongst the collection of eclectic harvest decorations my mom has gathered throughout the years. If I showed you a picture of my family Thanksgiving you would view well dressed people smiling and happy without a care in the world. As you flipped through the pictures you would see an endless array of pre-meal appetizers, home baked dishes, the predictable butterball “Tom Turkey”, and various delectable desserts. If you looked at my family’s Thanksgiving pictures you might say we appeared to be the modern day picture a “Norman Rockwell” painting. That’s what you would probably think.
But if you did more than just see the picture while flipping through a photo album, if I invited you to one of these family gatherings you might think a little differently. You would see my mother stressed and stewing, nervous and short fused as she put her final plans for the picture perfect holiday in place. You would see my “bonus” father in his auto-pilot “Yes Dear” mode holding in his frustration as to not cause a flawed stroke of paint in the picture. You would see my aunt Becky and her family show up late and leave early anxious to try and please her family, her husband, and in-laws in the course of a few short hours. You would notice my brother Josh sitting on the couch waiting for the meal, eat, and then retreat to his “man cave” in the basement to play guitar until his friends called to start their own festivities. You would see my sister Lori, the life of the party, ohhing and ahhing over the children, helping frantically, and making everyone laugh with her quick wit and sarcasm. You would see all the grandkids running about adding to grandma’s nervousness and frustration. You would see me, the storyteller, and the oldest child, sitting in a chair looking for a way to keep the peace and make everyone happy. I might seem quite except for my hellos and short comments but you would recognize my smile, plastic and drawn on perfectly matching my planned out outfit and jewelry similar to previous holidays. You couldn’t help but notice my brother-in law-Todd, short tempered and yelling at his excited boys while wishing he were anywhere but at his in-laws. You would see my well groomed husband playing yes man to everyone, ready to impress and give words of wisdom to all. And who could forget my ditzy aunt Cindy strolling in with her flawless hair and make-up, her family, and her “gift with purchase” promotions of Estee Lauder products for all the women. We could not leave out my “bonus” brother Mike and sister Mindy usually having the “What the hell did my dad get himself into?” looks on their faces.
Pictures may be worth a thousand words, but reality TV is worth millions! Yes if you had asked me about any holidays before this Thanksgiving that’s what I would tell you. If you joined me in one of our previous family Thanksgivings that more than likely would have been your observations. But if I may, I would like to tell you about this Thanksgiving, The Thanksgiving of Pleasant Surprise.
My day started out quite different it began in an industrial kitchen preparing a meal for 105 tenants, family, friends, and community members at the assisted living facility where I work. I cannot recall a morning that I worked on this day, but was honestly “eager” to be able to in order to avoid the chaos of the usual family tradition, not to mention the complete tragedy that I ended up leaving in bawl baby tears the last time we had all gathered at Christmas. So away I went cooking and baking and setting up tables, place settings and adding the final touches before the guests began arriving. I have worked in this position for a little under a year. I never guessed I would enjoy working in a senior community but another pleasant surprise of blessing. The tenants that I have the honor and privilege to cook and plan meals for each day are some of the most beautiful and courageous people I have ever met. I prayed earlier this week that God would help me and that this would be a warm and loving Thanksgiving for all present. Well, without going into all the specific detail, my prayers were answered beyond anything I could have imagined. God is so beautiful and trustworthy. He listens and answers the prayer of a girl taking on a little more than she can handle, asking for his help, while at the same time taking on her mother’s nervous habit of fussing and stewing about the details. He is such a good God to me. The meal was lovely and all in attendance were satisfied and pleased with the day. The feeling of serving all those guests gave me an amazing “full feeling” unlike the “stuffed and miserable” feeling I had in the past from all the feasting. After cleaning up it was now time to head to my personal family Thanksgiving. Tired and not feeling well due to a head cold I crammed in the car with my boys and their dad, our contributions to the meal, some overnight bags, and evening entertainment of Rock Band on the X-Box 360. Honestly I was spent and didn’t have much left to give, but was looking forward to seeing my family and mentally prepared how I would respond to everyone who was not ok with me not playing my traditional role in our famous painting. You see over the course of almost two years I have been doing some very hard work in my soul which has caused me to look at life and respond to situations differently in many ways.
What comes next? Well to my surprise the painting had been destroyed before I arrived. I walked into my mom and dad’s home and mom is in her jeans and it’s quiet. There are a few candles lit and some nice decorations scattered about but jaw-droppingly enough, yes, only a stack of Chinet disposable plates were on the serving table with one choice of pie! It just started to get weirder when my mother responded calmly to us and did not have all the trimmings ready when we arrived and seemed not to care too much about it. She even remained calm and not overly emotional when she broke the news to me that my sister and her husband may or may not make it but that it was ok to go ahead and eat without them. Was I in the twilight zone? My “bonus” brother and sister were there making themselves at home. They had just lost their grandmother a few days earlier and were grieving her loss. Grandpa wasn’t even in the kitchen waiting for his pending orders. What aliens had come in and abducted my family and replaced them with these creatures? The night continued and we shared a simple meal that was simply delicious, just enough and not too much. As I was eating my dinner I noticed that I was the one sitting at the “kids spot” at the bar by herself. Well if everyone else was going to break tradition by golly so was I, after all I was the one who had paid for all the expensive therapy why were they all acting as if they had? I stood up and proudly marched into the other room to join my parents and “bonus” brother, Mike. Entering the room I began hacking and coughing uncontrollably. Bob, (my bonus dad who I will refer to as “Grandpa”) went into the other room and poured a glass of apricot brandy, his cure all to cut throat phlegm. I began sipping on the esophagus burning liquid and it began to do the trick. I was soon conversing with family again and began teasing mom about her alcoholism and pretending to have a cold just so she can get into Grandpa’s brandy stash (my mother is a “Good Baptist girl” who rarely if ever drinks). As our conversation kept going I began talking with my brother Mike about losing his grandma while he was lying on the couch to the opposite side of me. I listen to him tell the heart tugging story of his Grandma’s last days. This was a side of him I had not seen before. I was engaged and it was precious. Mike was usually Mr. Big Brain, quick wit, and text book bachelor. To see the soft hearted side showed strength I had not seen. He then began sharing about a new love in his life. I was glad he was on the couch because at that point I proceeded to tell him he needed to stay there, I only charged $125.00 for therapy sessions and he had some serious issues to work through. This was getting quite eerie, Mike had vowed on more than one occasion that he was perfectly fine living the bachelor life and was quick to pun anything to do with love or marriage. He proceeded to explain how he had met a girl while a counselor at camp who had won his heart. They eventually broke up. He was hurt but went on, and lost track of her over the course of many years. Recently in a conversation with some mutual friends decided to find her again. Long story short many conversations, texts, and the convenient correspondence of computer technology has rekindled this love. It was such a blessing to see him full of life, feeling, emotion, and an open heart to share his grief and joy. But boy things were messed up, this isn’t the way we normally do things!
As the dinner came to a close, my sister and her family arrived, and my mother announced her predictable “I want everyone to share what they are thankful for time.” We gathered in the “Fireplace Room”, and after a little normalcy of complete sarcasm and joking we complied with mom’s wishes and started around the circle listing our reasons of thanks for the year. There were the expected thanks of family, friends, country, God, and possession, but there were also some special thanks that stuck out of the norm. First, the unpredicted shared tears of my “bonus” sister, Mindy, grateful for being able to have special memories of her Grandmother. Seeing this woman shed a tear in our family circle was completely breaking tradition. Mindy is the laugh-a-minute, pun for everything, lets keep conversation light type of personality. All I can say is how brave and how thankful I am that she felt safe to share her tears with her family. Mike also shared the new love in his life and said that we would all soon meet her (just to give you an idea of the possibility of the seriousness of the situation!) How impressive that love can allow such risk, and especially risk meeting our family! The echoed thankful issue this year was without question my brother-in-law, Todd’s decision to accept Christ as Savior and all the peaceful and positive changes that has brought to his life and his family, that yelling dad is gone and he is a new man still with flaws but now melted and moldable. My sister Lori also shared from her heart with a few tears while snuggled up comfortably on the couch with her husband. The grandkids who are growing and maturing each said their thankful lists and looked on with wide eyes as they saw the adults share open and honestly as never before. Mike, the boy’s dad who I have been separated from for almost two years was also in attendance and was thankful for grace to even be in the room. It was a noted area of thanks that mom was relaxed and enjoying herself as well.
Amidst all of the heart confessions of gratefulness, I noticed my brother in-law repeatedly looking above my head with a strange look on his face. Just as a family member is preparing to pour out their heart the moment takes a Chevy Chase, Christmas Vacation turn as Todd belts out “BAT!!!” and half the family runs out of the room screaming and screeching, gathering in the bathroom together for safety while the “macho” family members go into rescue mode to catch the bat perched on the ceiling of the family room. I cannot tell you the details of how the bat was captured, you see I was one of the family members huddled together for safety in the bathroom. But the bat was caught and to put all the animal rescue readers at ease was safely let go out the sliding glass door. Yet, another plan of surprise and comedy within our newly painted canvas of holiday celebrating amoungst family that we will remember and laugh about for years to come!
There were some that were missing this year Aunt Cindy was at home baking a Thanksgiving meal for her family. She just became a grandma and the thing I have to tell you about Aunt Cindy although a little scatter brain, has a heart of gold and is caring to the core. She and her husband are head over heels in love with their new granddaughter!
Aunt Becky the arrive-late & leave- early member, hosted Thanksgiving for her in-laws at her home this year. She had e-mailed me about her apprehensions of hosting at her home. How valuable to share your hear t and prayer needs with family. But you must know my aunt Becky is a gifted hostess and magnificent cook who just lacks a little confidence at times.
My brother Josh did slip out early and we missed his presence during the circle of thanks, but mom did not cry tears. Not out of coldness but simply knowing he is a grown man and God is big enough to hold him even still.
There were many changes and pleasant surprises at our family Thanksgiving this year, right down to grandma getting down with her grandsons while singing Rock Band on the X-Box 360! Some were different and evident changes others were a new view in my own heart and a better vision to see my family for who they are. My family is an eclectic patchwork of many colorful patterned lives. Our lives have been stitched together for this time with purpose and reason and in our own findings amongst the shattered modern day Norman Rockwell masterpiece we are beginning to learn to accept and love each other where we are. I can honestly say I wouldn’t trade my family for anything! Our Creator’s plan of surprise gives pressure free hope to our Hallmark card achieving but never attaining world, not to mention noticeable freedom for the quiet reserved oldest child drinking apricot brandy and being a little boisterous! Can’t wait ‘til Christmas!
